


Beano Short Stories

by LabyrinthFan



Category: The Beano
Genre: Cute, Danger, F/M, Ralationships, Romance, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-03-24 07:16:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 45,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13806189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LabyrinthFan/pseuds/LabyrinthFan
Summary: A selection of oneshots starring the Beano characters as teenagers (16 - 18).The Follies of Baby-Face Finlayson:1 - Roger x female OC - 9,623 words2 - Danny x female OC - 12,413 words3 - Dennis the Menace x female OC - 8,893 wordsFairy Tales:Wonderland - 5,372 wordsStandalones:Spotty x female OC - 9,466 wordsSidney x female OC - coming soon!Minnie x male OC - coming soon!'Write the book that you want to read' has never been more appropriate. Where's the Beano fanfiction, Wattpad? Am I the only fan here? (If you know of any good Beano fanfic, please point me in the right direction!)I use original comic strips and combine them to create these shorts. I do not own the comics that I copy the lines from. All rights go to Beano Studios and (mostly) Leo Baxendale (because his strips are legendary).May contain adventure, action and romance - because I find it hard to write without a cute romantic relationship involved...





	1. 1 - Roger the Dodger x OC

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Everyone! If you like this story please leave kudos and comment! This work is on Wattpad as well under the username xxxyValdez - updates will be more prompt there.

A geek. A nerd. A suck-up and a goody-two-shoes. I've got all the usual nicknames of a hardworking student.

The most famous kids in Beanotown have reputations of being bad. When Dennis makes mischief, people know what he's done sooner or later. But me? I've got the reputation of being good; I'm never caught.

You might say I'm invisible, sitting here in the Inventors Fair with my heated gloves and scarves laid out in front of me, my table sandwiched between Cuthbert Cringeworthy and Walter 'the Softy''s stalls, but he's not. My eyes are drawn to him as soon as he walks in.

I didn't expect him to be there, but why shouldn't he have been? He clever and yet he's careless, smart and casual... I blame my infatuation with him on the romance novels I read, with the bad-boy always falling for the good girl. But as I've said before, I'm a far cry from good.

He's here with his Mother. It surprises me for a moment, but then I deduce that it was her who dragged him along. He's walking as far apart from her as he can, casting an unimpressed eye over the other inventions.

I suddenly feel like my half-assed attempt is too weak. I'd nabbed the heated gloves and scarves from the supermarket and passed them off as my own, to get into my teacher's good graces - you see, if your teacher likes you, they don't care if you or your homework is late. One afternoon at an inventors fair, a hundred late passes on homework. Sounded like a good trade to me.

But I digress. He was slowly coming up to my stall - I could just about hear his mother talking.

"This is amazing!" She exclaimed, gesturing to a homemade portable speaker on another table, small enough to fit into a thimble. "Wouldn't you like to do something clever like this?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, right. Like I want to hang out with a load of swotty spods and nerdy geeks."

His mother sent him an amused look. "You've really got a clever mind, you know, Roger."

Roger scowled and looked away. "I know, mother. And thanks for patronising me."

She sighed. "Why don't you do something worthwhile with it, instead of your silly little dodges?"

He smiled then. "Because dodges help you get on in the world. Dodgers win," he replied proudly. "Hel-lo..."

He broke away from his mother and approached Walter's table.

"Hello, Softy!"

Walter turned to face Roger with a tiny frown. "Actually, the name's Walter."

Roger ignored him. "So, Softy, what's this do?"

Walter's chest puffed up with pride as he stepped aside to reveal a large machine with all kinds of buttons and levers, and a screen at the top.

"WALTER: Mark 1 predicts the weather," he explained importantly. "If we look at today's weather, there will be-" Walter pulled a lever and read out the verdict from a receipt-like piece of paper that was ejected from the machine. "-Snow!"

As if. It was the middle of June and as warm as my scarves.

"Yeah," Roger said with a wry grin. "I think it needs a little work."

He turned away, his eyes travelling up to meet mine.

"Oh, hi Squirt," he greeted nonchalantly.

"Hi," I replied with what I hoped was my brightest smile.

He walked over and glanced down at my stall. "Nice stuff. How much for the scarf?" He pointed to a blood red one with a black stripe at the hem.

"Three pounds each, but I can do it for less for you," I offered.

He patted his pockets. "I've got nothing - hang on. Give me a minute."

He sauntered over to Cuthbert.

"Here, spod-boy. I need change. Could you lend me a fiver?"

Cuthbert checked his pockets and brought out a couple of coins. "But I only have four pounds," he complained.

Roger gave him a winning smile. "No worries. You can owe me the pound."

Cuthbert narrowed his eyes as he handed over the coins. "Are you trying to swizz me, dodger? You'll pay me back, won't you?"

"Of course. Actually, that pound you owe me: can I have it now?"

Cuthbert shook his head. "I don't have any more money on me now."

"Huh! Well if you're going to be like that have back your flipping four quid!" Roger tipped the money back into Cuthbert's hand. He then took one of the pound coins. "Minus the pound you owe me, obviously. Trouble is, I still need that fiver. Are you sure you can't lend me it?"

"N-no," Cuthbert stammered. "I only have three pounds now, somehow."

Roger shrugged and took the money. "Well give me that then, and you can owe me the two pounds."

"Wait a minute!" Cuthbert exclaimed. He put us hands on his hips. "You are swizzling me! Give me back my three pounds!"

"Okay, okay! Here's your three quid." Roger put the money in Cuthbert's hand, and then took two of the remaining three pounds. "Minus the two pounds you owe me, obviously."

Cuthbert screwed up his face and shouted: "TEACHER!"

The Teacher from Bash Street School hurried over. "What appears to be the problem, gentlemen?"

Roger crossed his arms. "Nothing. This swot just owes me some money, that's all."

Teacher turned to Cuthbert. "Do you owe Roger some money, my prized pupil?"

Cuthbert's forehead wrinkled. "No... I'm almost certain I don't!"

Roger raised an eyebrow. "Well, hang on. You owed me a pound, and I gave you four pounds. Then you owed me two pounds and I gave you three pounds. By my reckoning you owe me three pounds - and you've plenty to spare with all I've given you!"

Teacher's foot began to tap. "Is this true, Cuthbert?"

Cuthbert seemed very confused. "Yes, but no, but yes, but-"

Teacher took the money from Cuthbert's shaking palm. "You can't argue with logic, Cuthbert. Here, Roger, here's your money."

"Thanks, Teacher."

Roger moved back to my table. "Here you go," he said, holding out the three pounds.

I stifled a giggle and took the money, handing him the scarf.

"Any reason why you want a scarf in June?" I asked, slipping the change into my pocket.

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Oh, yes. You'd better kit up and stay inside for the next few days. There's a storm coming Squirt, in the shape of Dodge 894."

He walked off before I even had the chance to reply, leaving me puzzled and watching his back closely as he approached Walter.

"Here, tell you what, Walt. Let me borrow your machine and I'll see what I can do to fix it."

I swallowed thickly. What could Dodge 894 have to do with Walter's weather machine?

***

I didn't have long to wait. I was watching the Beano News 24 while I ate breakfast the next morning, as per usual. Winston the cat had rescued daft Smiffy from a tree, and the Mayor had awarded Cuthbert the Inventor's Contest award for dedication to STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Maths).

"Now it's over to Maxie with the weather."

The blonde weather-woman nodded. "Thank you, Nick. As you can see, today will be sunny all day, with-"

"Rubbish!" Someone hissed from behind the scenes.

Was that..?

Maxie continued, although she seemed slightly disgruntled. "Erm, with a few light clouds in the afternoon-"

"Piffle!"

"- and temperatures of twenty to twenty-five-"

"Balderdash!"

What does he think he's doing? Or, more importantly... What is he doing?

"And a pleasant outlook for-"

Roger popped his head onscreen and shouted, "Poppycock!"

Maxie practically growled at him. "What is your problem?"

Roger sidestepped into full view, his hands moving expressively as he spoke. "Viewers, this woman is a charlatan! She knows nothing about weather predicting!"

"Now that's poppycock!" Maxie stamped her foot. "Security!"

Roger shook his head. "I can prove it."

He beckoned to the camera and it followed him as he walked to the right, off of the set. He stopped in front of none other than WALTER: Mark 1.

I put my spoon back into my cereal bowl and watched the TV intently.

"This is the Weather And Local Temperature Electronic Locator - WALTER for short - and it predicts that today..."

He pulled the lever and read the piece of paper. "Today there'll be storms!"

"What rubbish!" Maxie cried. I must say, I was inclined to agree with her.

What is he up to?

"Yup, hurricanes, in fact. Tree-toppling, roof-rattling, high-sided-vehicle-knocking-over whirlwinds!"

Maxie looked directly at the camera. "He's wrong, you know! I studied meteorology and everything! Oh, come on, folks. You can't believe a schoolboy over me?"

The camera slid over to Roger. There was an evil-looking glint in his eye that made me highly uncomfortable. "Let's just have a look outside then, shall we?"

The footage switched to that of a local reporter on the street. As I watched, his hat was snatched from his hand, and he seemed to be struggling to stay on his feet.

My mouth fell open. What in the world..? WALTER was a dud last time I saw it! What did he do to it?

I could barely hear the reporter introduce himself over the howling wind, and when the camera turned I could see why. Three twisters were snaking towards him, ripping off tiles and hurling them at those who were caught out. People were running into buildings and others were barring their windows. Leaves were whipping through the air and being sucked up into the whirlwinds, and the rain was slowly making the image blurry.

Switching back to the studio, an argument was ending between Nick and Maxie.

"You said there'd be no storms! You said you'd studied meteorology!"

"It's impossible!" Maxie babbled. "It should be sunny! It's a freak storm hitting Beanotown and nowhere else!"

Nick threw his hands in the air. "Oh, well, that's alright then! We need a proper expert. Call Roger the Dodger!"

Security lugged Roger back on set and set him back on his feet. He wrinkled his nose and dusted off his red and black chequered shirt.

"So, Roger, what does WALTER say, you clever young chap?"

Roger glanced at the paper. "It says the storms will be over by tonight," he announced.

Nick mopped his brow. "Phew. That's a relief."

"But tomorrow there will be a plague of mosquitos!"

"No way! You got lucky with the storms, but there's no way we can have mosquitoes!" Maxie turned to the screen. "I promise you! Mosquitos live in particular climates, and June is just not mosquito season!"

I turned the TV off and grabbed my schoolbag. I was going to find out what he was up to, if I was the last thing I ever did!

***

At Beanotown high there was little room to breathe, there were so many teens. My year - year eleven (that is to say, sixteen-year-olds) - was already full to capacity, so it was no wonder that I usually managed to stay under the radar. Naturally, Roger was the talk of the town now, and while everyone else was soaked to the skin - me included - he was wearing a long waterproof coat. I was the first to spot him as he walked through the doors to the school, but he was mobbed before I even took one step towards him.

Peering over the heads of my fellow students, I could just about see him. He pushed a hand back through his dark hair and laughed at what someone just said, shaking his head, then pushed forwards through the crowd without answering any questions.

I knew I had to get him alone some way if I had any chance of getting him to spill the plans for Dodge 894. But how to go about it?

As it turned out, it was relatively easy. He complained about feeling sick in chemistry, and without a pause the teacher selected me to escort him to the medical room.

I jumped up, knowing it was my chance, and as soon as we were out of the classroom I rounded on him.

He was no longer holding his head dramatically. Instead, he was sporting a wicked grin that made me all the more inquisitive.

He leaned in towards me, and I fought the need to lean closer. "I can see you're desperate to know," he whispered darkly, his eyes searching my face.

I bit my cheek. "Then why don't you tell me what you're up to?"

He smirked, still uncomfortably close to me. "Where would be the fun in that, Squirt?"

"I'm serious, Roger. Whatever you're doing to the weather is dangerous, I know it!"

He finally stood back, but his smirk didn't fade. "I'm glad you're so concerned, but don't you worry. I've always got a dodge up my sleeve."

I scowled. "And I always have polos up mine. Really, it's not-"

He glanced at my jumper curiously. "Polos?"

"Yes, polos. But look-"

"Is that why you always smell like mint in class?"

I flushed scarlet. "Yes! Now will you listen to me?"

"Nah, Squirt. I rather like frustrating you."

I poked a finger in his chest. "I'm warning you, if this does go wrong, don't say I didn't warn you!"

He shrugged. "Alright. I've got to go - but one thing: don't leave school until later than the others."

"Why?"

He winked. "A plague of mosquitoes is due in exactly half an hour... When the bell rings. See you around."

"I hate you!" I whisper-yelled at him as he jogged down the corridor.

"I'm counting on it!" He shouted back.

I went back into the classroom with my cheeks flaming red. I got several looks and a few sniggers as I walked back to my seat and sat down.

When the bell rang I bolted out of my seat and took the stairs two at a time into the library, which had a prime view of the school entrance.

As the students started to flood out of the gates, a few started to slap their necks and exposed skin. After a few seconds, the crowd descended into uproar as people seemed to be being stung left and right, yelping and yelling as they got bitten. It seemed no one was safe out there, and it just served to confound me more.

How is he doing this? How could he predict it so accurately... If it isn't a dodge? Dodge 894, to be exact. But then, how is he simulating the bites?

When the entrance cleared of rampaging students I deemed it safe to go and left the safety of the school. To further prove my theory that this was all a clever ruse, I wasn't bitten once on my way home.

***

As soon as I got home I turned the news on. Sure enough, BEANOTOWN WEATHER flashed up on the screen and I perched myself on the edge of the sofa anxiously.

Nick, Maxie and Roger stood in the centre of the screen. Nick seemed excited, Maxie incredulous and Roger looked wholly indifferent to the situation.

Nick looked at the camera and then, after the signal that they were live, smiled at Roger.

"So, what else does your machine say, Roger?"

Roger's smirk was coy. "Do you want the good news, or the bad?"

Nick frowned. "Give us the bad."

"Thunder, lightning, wind and rain, tidal waves," Roger recited. He glanced at the paper again. "Oh, and a flood."

Maxie let out a little squeak of indignation before composing herself. "And the good news?"

"You can now buy heated scarves and gloves from Libl! Scarves £3.99, gloves a fiver!"

He smiled at the screen, and my fingers tightened around the sofa arm.

Maxie's shoulders sagged. "Out of interest, how much would you be selling this WALTER machine for?"

"As I say, the machine's not mine to sell. Roger shrugged. "But I can introduce you to its inventor, Walter the-

Nick interrupted quickly, casting a worried glance at the camera. "Walter! Just call him Walter."

"Yes." Roger raised an eyebrow and rested his hand on the machine. "Well, I'm sure you'll be able to come to some deal with Walter. He's very reasonable."

A new voice cut in. "We're still on air," they reminded.

Nick's face dropped and he nodded. "Uh, yes! So, we'll keep you up to date on the thunder, lightning, wind, rain and tidal waves, viewers."

"And the flood," Roger reminded.

"Um, yes. That's all for today's weather, folks!"

The broadcast cut to interviews of students hit by the Beanotown mosquito plague.

I wasn't listening, though. I was working through all the places Roger was likely to be now the weather report was over. If the weather people wanted it, he'd have to go to Walter's house in order to seal the deal and sell it. Most likely they'd drive him there, and he'd be walking home afterwards, right? Walter's house was on the other side of town, about an hour away by foot but only fifteen minutes by bus.

I checked the bus timetable on my phone as I slid my feet into my school-shoes, grabbed my wallet and locked the front door behind me.

I sprinted to the stop and arrived just as my bus was pulling up. I waved my pass at the driver and sat right at the front, checking my phone obsessively.

And then, ten minutes in, there it was.

BREAKING NEWS, the alert read. BEANOTOWN WEATHER MACHINE SOLD.

I was so engaged in the report that I almost missed my stop. I jabbed the red STOP button and jumped to my feet, thanking the driver before getting off.

I only had to walk for a minute before I literally bumped into Roger. I was walking so briskly that I walked into him as I rounded the corner.

"Woah," he said, grabbing my arm. He looked up and saw it was me; his nose wrinkled adorably. "Squirt? What are you doing skulking around here?"

I frowned and removed his hand from my arm. "I could say the same to you, Dodger." I glared accusingly down at the wodge of cash in his hands.

"Oh, this? It's from the weather machine."

"You sold it."

"It wasn't mine to sell. They bought the machine from Softy, and I took my twenty-five percent for brokering the deal."

"And when they realise the machine doesn't work?"

He gave me a sharp look. "You caught on quick," he said. I couldn't tell if it was shock or praise.

"You weren't exactly secretive with me. So..?"

He shrugged and pocketed the cash. "When they twig it doesn't work, that's Walter's problem, not mine."

"Hm." I ran a critical eye over him. "Where there's a dodge there's a con, but I'm still trying to work out how you managed to bring the weather to Beanotown and nowhere else."

He smirked widely. "Trade secrets, I'm afraid."

"Enough with the secrets! Don't you trust me?"

"Not as far as I can throw you."

"Want to test that out?"

He ran a hand up through his hair exasperatedly. "Fair enough. Alright. Can you keep a secret?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes!"

"Then here's how I did it." He pulled me back from the road so our backs were to the thick holly hedge. "For the first storms, I just begged a simple favour from Billy Whizz."

"Oh, I should've been able to guess that one!" I exclaimed.

"Sorry, am I going to explain or what?"

"Sorry. Continue."

He glanced around furtively and spoke quickly. "As I was saying, I begged a favour from Billy Whizz and got him to run in circles to make the hurricanes and tornadoes. For the mosquitoes, I told Minnie about an upcoming pea shooting competition and that part of it is staying out of sight. Hence the 'mosquito' stings. But to make thunder, lightning,  tidal waves and a flood required a very special team and a very special dodge."

The corner of my mouth lifted involuntarily. "Dodge 894?"

Roger nodded. "Exactly. The Reservoir Dodge, involving Min, Fatty, Billy and Calamity James."

"Let me guess," I interrupted. "Billy created a cyclone that sucked up all the water from the reservoir. That was your wind and rain."

He incinerated his head. "Very good..."

"And... Fatty jumping in the sea created the tidal wave, and the flood."

"Naturally."

"But I don't understand how Minnie or James come in?"

Roger pushed his hand through his hair again. I silently wished he stop doing it, the action kept distracting me from my investigative work - I kept getting the urge to run my fingers through it myself.

"It's a little outside the box, to be sure," he said, startling me from my thoughts. "See, I got Minnie to drink a bottle of pop - then she burped into the microphone. When I played that back through the tannoy, voila! That's your thunder."

"And James?" I questioned.

He smiled. "The one and only walking Calamity. All he had to do was hold a toaster and stand in the middle of Beanotown. Lightning was sure to strike him with all Billy's storm clouds around."

I stifled a giggle and turned my smile into a vague grown. "Now that's just cruel."

"Perhaps. But it was a perfect dodge." Roger gave me a sidelong glance, daring me to say otherwise. I didn't. "Everyone's happy - except maybe Walter when they discover it doesn't work."

My eyes roved over Roger's shoulder and widened as I saw a blue jumper. "He's headed this way!"

Roger shrugged. "It's fine, I can deal with whatever Softy throws at me."

Walter was running towards us, hands in the air, waving to catch our attention. Roger span on his heel rather gracefully to face Walter.

"Hi, Walt, about your weather machine. I forgot to mention, it doesn't-"

Walter was holding a stack of money far greater than what Roger had stashed in his pocket. I cast a wary eye around for onlookers - there were none.

"Great news Roger!" Walter cried as he ran up to us. "I've sold it!"

I cut a look at Roger and hissed, "He doesn't know you sold it?"

He chose to ignore me, instead he sighed and spoke to a breathless Walter. "Yeah, I know. To the telly people. I arranged it."

Walter shook his head whilst he clutched his heaving chest. "No, no. I got a better offer at the last minute. This businessman paid ten times as much." He held out the money. "I'll count out your share."

Rogers eyes bugged. "Wow! What a dodge-tastic result!"

"Who was this businessman, anyway?" I asked dubiously.

Walter was counting notes, and didn't quite register the question. "Fifty, sixty, seventy -Oh, uh, I think his name was Finlay-something. Weren't you the girl at the science fair?"

I heard a gulp. Roger's Adam's apple was bobbing intermittently, and he seemed to be struggling to speak. His hand shot out and gripped mine, as if he needed support. "F-Finlay-something?"

Walter nodded, oblivious. "That's right - ninety, one hundred, one hundred and ten-

Roger gripped my hand even tighter. "Not Baby-Face Finlayson!" Roger gasped. "Tell me you didn't sell it to Baby-Face Finlayson!"

"I think that was the name, yes," Walter replied.

I frowned, utterly lost. "Sorry, but who is he?"

Roger glanced down at our hands and let my aching fingers go, and gaped at me as if shocked at my lack of knowledge. "He's the meanest gangster in history!" He spluttered. "When he finds out the machine's rubbish he'll discomboom erate Walter! And me!"

Walter rolled his eyes, not looking up from his money. "You mean discombobulate, and you didn't get the context right. Discombobulate means-"

Growling in frustration, Roger glared at Walter. "Baby-Face will blow us up, erase us, kill us, torture us, we will be in deep trouble! Come on, Walter!" He tugged at Walter's sleeve to get him to start walking. I trailed behind, trying to make sense of the situation.

Exactly how dangerous is this 'Baby-Face' anyway? With a name like that...

Another thought hit me like an icy wave, and a shiver wracked down my spine.  Roger is scared of no one.

Walter, up ahead, glanced up. "Uh, what did you mean when you said my machine's rubbish?"

"Later! Walk faster! We've got to get out of Beanot-"

I followed Roger's gaze. Up ahead, a black van was approaching, with more people on the pavement.

Roger paled. "Uh oh. Other way!" He grabbed my arm. "And you get out of here, Squirt! Cross the road!"

My eyes widened. "But-"

He pushed me away. "Now! Do as I say!" He ordered. The wild, desperate expression on his face was enough to make me turn tail and run, but only to the end of the street. I took a right and ran down the parallel street as fast as I could, weaving past the odd tree, postbox or pedestrian, before coming to a house with a holly hedge surrounding the back garden and some of the front. Thankfully there wasn't a car in the drive, so no one was at home.

Praying that they hadn't moved since I left, I slid through the gate into the back garden and went up to the hedge.

My prayers were answered. I could hear Roger frantically instructing a confused Walter as to what to do and what to say. He sounded even more panicked than before, and I just wanted to pull them through the hedge by the scruffs of their necks and high-tail it out of there.

A nasally voice heralded Baby-Face Finlayson's arrival. "Roger the Dodger and Walter the Softy, I presume?"

"N-no, we're not Roger and Walter," Roger denied shakily. "We're their cousins! That is to say, I'm Rodgrico - hello - and this is-"

Baby-Face snorted. "Shut up! I know you are. You double-crossed Baby-Face Finlayson, Dodger. And nobody double-crosses Baby-Face Finlayson!"

I let out a breath through clenched teeth. "You're in a nappy-full of trouble, Dodger," I muttered to myself. In any other situation I would have laughed at my joke. Instead it had a bitter taste in my mouth and I felt as though I'd just jinxed the pair.

"So," Baby-Face said conversationally. The volume of his voice raised as he continued: "I look inside this weather machine of yours, and what do I find? It's just cardboard, sticky tape and butterfly clips. This thing couldn't predict a sausage!"

Roger seemed to find some buried confidence. I even saw what I presumed to be his shape take a brave step forwards. "You've found a fault with WALTER? No problem. Allow us to give you a full and instant refund, and we'll say no more about it. Walter, your purse please?"

There was a sudden and loud crash and the sound of tearing and banging. It went on for a few seconds before it stopped and went deathly quiet.

"I don't want a refund," Baby-Face hissed menacingly. "I want revenge! Now, tell me, who was the girl who ran at the sight of me?"

Roger did a great job of playing dumb. "Who? What girl?"

Unfortunately, Baby-Face wasn't as stupid as his name. "The girl you were talking to just now. She ran off. A brunette."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Roger declared. "Maybe she just walked past us while we were talking and we didn't register it?"

"Well, if you don't know her, you won't mind if we take her in for questioning, will you?"

"What's the need? We don't know her."

"Then why are you protecting her, Rogerico?" Baby-Face's tone was smug. "You, man, follow her, bring her to HQ."

Roger growled. "No! Leave her alone! She doesn't deserve-"

The rest of his sentence was muffled, and I heard the sound of a small scuffle before Roger went quiet. I stuffed my hand in my mouth to stop myself from crying out as I heard a muted scream, my teeth digging little squares into my skin and cause if tears to leak from my eyes.

"Thank you, he was starting to annoy me," Baby-Face said. "Now, what do you bet, Mr Wilkes? Was she a stranger, friend, or girlfriend?"

My heart began to thump wildly and I dried away my tears. I had to do something to help the two. But what? There were at least two men out there, and another one searching for me.

Someone else, who I assumed was Mr Wilkes, spoke. "Girlfriend, sir, most definitely."

Baby-Face was quiet. Then: "Hmm. I bet... I bet he hasn't asked her on a date yet." He let out a guffaw and I heard something scrape along the floor. "We'll question her later."

A car door opened, and there was more scraping and huffing before the engine started. My eyes widened and I peeked through the hedge, knowing I wouldn't be able to follow a van on foot.

"There isn't enough room. You stay here, see if the girl comes back this way in the next ten minutes. Then come back to HQ."

"Yes, Sir."

I held my breath until the van drove away. It was a waiting game for the next ten minutes, the silence broken by the goon's tuneless whistling and humming.

Finally, after I was sure I'd die from fright, he took off at a fast walk down the pavement. I ducked out of the garden and followed the parallel street until I came to an alley between two houses and followed it through. At the end I checked both ways to see where he was, and upon seeing him further down the street I walked slowly after him, my head bent over my phone but my eyes flickering up every now and again.

I briefly entertained calling the police, but decided against it. After all, who knew who was in who's pockets in our society today? The police could be being paid to turn a blind eye. If he's so ruthless that Roger's scared of him, then surely the police would have dealt with him by now if they could - or would.

Baby-Face's hideout was a nondescript warehouse not twenty minutes walk from Walter's. The goon walked in, completely unaware of my presence, and didn't notice as I slipped in behind him into the large room. I immediately hid behind one of the pillars that supported the roof and peered about.

At one end of the room there was a huge tank of water, full of fish with a scaffolded platform next to it - curious. A domino trail, a see-saw and stage lighting had been set up too. Stranger still was the rope rigging set up next to the fish tank, to which was tied - Roger and Walter!

The two were sitting back to back on wooden chairs, tied thoroughly to them, with the backs of the chairs attached to the rigging. Both of them were out cold, their heads lolled forwards like limp puppets.

Baby-Face approached the goon, not ten paces away from me in my spot behind the pillar. "Did you find her?"

"No sir. Jones hasn't seen hide nor hair, neither. She slipped away."

"Brat!" Baby-Face spat  "Spoiling my fun. Monitor the police lines. If she calls the police, track her and deal with it."

My blood ran cold.

"Yes sir, right away sir."

Baby-Face muttered to himself. "I don't suppose it matters, anyway. I don't need her for the plan."

"But we won't find out the outcome of the bet if we don't find her!" Mr Wilkes complained.

"True, true," Baby-Face said thoughtfully. "I'll just tell Roger we've got her in detainment. He'll soon tell us then."

Or not, you nappy-faced scum.

"Marvellous plan, sir. Most dastardly."

"Why, thank you!"

I skulked about the sides of the room, almost getting spotted several times. There was no way to get to Roger and Walter in the middle of the room without getting noticed. There were people milling about everywhere, and every man had some kind of weapon.

"Hm? Where am I...?"

My eyes snapped over to the boys. Roger was lifting his head, blinking and trying to lift his arms to rub them.

"Roger?" Walter asked groggily.

"Walter? What are you... Oh, rats!"

Roger woke fully, his eyes bright and alert. He scanned the room, taking in the men with guns with a similar reaction to mine: fear.

"Uh..." Walter said uneasily.

Roger carefully crafted his expression into one of calm. "Okay, Walter, I know this looks bad, but I'm the smartest kid in school. I'll be able to dodge our way out of this."

"Oh yes?" Walter asked hopefully.

"And monkeys might fly out of my bottom," I muttered angrily.

"Probably," Roger said.

"I should have listened to mummy!" Walter started to bawl. "Don't play with that Roger, she said! He's a wrong 'un, she said!"

"Shh! Don't worry, Walter, I'll save us. Somehow..."

"But how? Think Rog, think like your never thunk before!"

Upon seeing the two awake, Baby-Face approached them with a wide grin. "You'll never get out of this one, Dodger. Softy. My plan is foolproof."

Roger faced Baby-Face and offered a lazy smile. "Oh yeah? I think you've forgotten who I am, Baby-Face. I have friends, connections, even enemies who won't be very happy with my going missing."

Baby-Face snapped his fingers. "Oh, yes! Speaking of friends, I've got one of yours in detainment at the moment. Pretty little thing, she is."

Roger's eyes bugged and he suddenly tugged frantically at the ropes. "No... No, I told you to leave her! Let her go!"

I held my hands to my mouth in shock. Baby-Face was playing dirty, and there was nothing I could do to stop him. But who knew Roger would react like this..?

Walter attempted to calm him down. "Rog, I'm sure she's fine-"

Baby-Face rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Softy. She is not fine. The brat refuses to talk."

"What have you done to her?" Roger snarled. "Let me out, and I'll kill you!"

I couldn't believe what I was seeing or hearing. Roger, defending me?

"No, you won't kill me," Baby-Face said pointedly.

"Let her go!" Roger shouted. "I'll do anything!"

"Roger!" Walter hissed.

"Two tiny little things?" Baby-Face half out his pointer fingers, close together to emphasise the 'tininess' of the 'things'.

"Don't, Roger!" Walter warned. "You don't know what he'll ask!"

Good boy, Walter. Now Roger, listen to him!

Baby-Face sent Walter a glare and then sighed theatrically. "Or I could just go and dispose of her..."

Roger nodded slowly. "I'll do anything, Baby-Face. Just swear you won't hurt her."

Baby-Face grinned. "That's more like it. Now, here are the two tiny things: one, if your other 'friends' come to help you, you turn them away, quick-smart, or else she dies."

Roger gave a single nod to show his understanding. Walter was gobsmacked.

"Secondly, I have a bet with my man Wilkes..." Baby-Face's grin widened. "What is she to you?"

I felt like I was going to be sick. I lent my head against the cool painted concrete of the pillar, but it did nothing to cool the headache blossoming in my forehead, borne of the thundering pace of my heart.

Roger raised an eyebrow. "What is she to me?"

"Don't dodge the question," Baby-Face threatened.

"A- a friend."

"Are you sure?"

A pause. "Yes."

"No... Romantic attachment?"

A pause. "No."

Baby-Face's foot started to tap. "I'm not stupid."

Roger looked down at his lap. "Fine. I like her, okay? That's it."

"Aw, young love," Baby-Face cooed. "Such a shame you won't be able to tell her how you feel before you die!"

Walter's glasses almost slipped off of his nose. "Die? You're going to kill us?"

"Of course, what did you think when I said I wanted revenge?"

Realisation dawned on Walter's face. He started to shake. "M-money? I can give you lot of money-"

"Shut up! I don't want money, I want you dead!"

Roger cut into the conversation, his mask of calm now firmly back in place. "How exactly are you going to kill us, Baby-Face?"

Baby-Face smiled, showing mismatched, yellowed teeth. "See, Walter? That is an example of an educated question. Now, an educated answer: I'll tell you when the audience arrives."

"Audience?" Walter asked hopefully.

Roger shushed him.

I was torn. Go for help, or wait to hear Baby-Face's plan? If the dominoes have anything to do with it, his methods must be elaborate, and showy if he's invited an audience.

Even as I thought about it, people started to come through the double doors at the end of the warehouse. I was shocked to see yet more villains - Bully Beef, a vampire, Cyborg, The Joker - and still more that I couldn't identify, filing in and grouping for villainous chats.

Baby-Face spread his arms dramatically in welcome. "Ah, my fellow villains! Come in, come in. You're going to enjoy this one."

My chest tightened, on the verge of panic. How was I supposed to get out, let alone free the boys right under these Super Villains' noses?

Even as I watched, Baby-Face instructed Mr Wilkes to raise Roger and Walter. Wilkes hit a switch and they were suddenly pulled into the air and suspended over the tank. Roger followed the path of the rope with calculating eyes, and Walter looked to be faint.

Baby-Face clapped once. "Your attention, please! Just a quick debrief on the proceedings this evening. Ahem. So, to start off my devious little plan, I will push over this first domino, toppling the others to form an amusing image of my gorgeous face."

There was a smattering of applause.

Self-centred, nappy-loving, mafia-wannabe man-child!

"The last domino will fall on this see-saw, which will catapult Winston into the air," Baby-Face continued. He peered around at the audience for a reaction. "Do you see what I did there? Cat-apult?" A few awkward laughs. "Oh, please yourselves. So, the cat will stick its claws into this sack of catnip, and his weight will pull on this cord, raising this hatch..." As I watched, the lights switched on, illuminating said hatch. The beam swung around to illustrate each of Baby-Face's points. "...Out of which comes this candle, which will light up as it strikes this sandpaper. It will then come to rest under this rope, which burns through... Dropping Roger and Walter into this tank of deadly piranha fish!"

Piranha fish? I could hardly hear myself think for the applause and the pounding of my heart. How was I supposed to get them out of that? Save them from drowning, perhaps, but not being eaten alive.

I needed help.

I hugged the walls and sidled back the way I came. I kept my head high despite my terror, and though a few gazes slid my way my posture gave an impression of confidence and they assumed I belonged and thought nothing of it.

As soon as I was out of there I began to sprint. My trainers beat the pavement in a steady thrum, one two three four one two three four, my unsteady breathing the melody to go with it.

Only a minute into my run I spotted a bike leaning against a wall with no one around. I murmured an apology and nabbed it, vowing to take it back later. I needed it more in that moment.

Minnie was the first one I came across. She was shooting peas at people's open windows, and when she saw me cycling towards her she grinned and started shooting at me.

"Minnie, stop!" I shouted. "I've come to help you! Roger owes you money!"

She stopped. "What?"

I skidded up to her, hopped off the bike and proceeded to bend over, panting. "Have you... seen it? In the paper?

"What?" She repeated.

"Baby-Face Finlayson - paid a fortune for Roger's weather machine."

She frowned in thought. "The one that predicted those storms and that plague of mosquitos?"

I nodded eagerly. "That's the one."

"So... Why does he owe me money?"

"Who owes money?"

I turned to see Calamity James wandering over, Alexander Lemming by his side.

"The Dodger, she says." Minnie jabbed a thumb my way.

I nodded. "He owes you too, James."

James' eyes widened. "Me?"

"Him?" Minnie asked incredulously.

"Yes, and Billy and Fatty too."

Minnie looked me up and down with her arms folded. "You haven't said why yet."

"No, I haven't," I agreed. "Think about all that running and peashooting he asked you to do. Don't you think it was suspicious that he might ask you to do those things?"

"Yeah, so?"

I fought the urge to roll my eyes and put my hands out to show I was telling the truth (that was the idea, anyway). "He told me that the things he asked you to do was the weather. The wind and rain was Billy, the mosquitos were Minnie's peas, the flood was Fatty jumping in the sea and the lightning was attracted to James."

Minnie's eyes widened. She opened her mouth and screamed: "Bil-LY!"

Billy Whizz blurred past me to stand in front of Minnie. "You called?"

Minnie quickly caught his attention. "Look, have you seen it in the paper? Baby-Face Finlayson has paid a fortune for Roger's weather machine. The one that predicted those storms and that plague of mosquitos!"

Billy nodded. "Yes, why?"

"Well I've been having a think-"

Billy raised an eyebrow at her. "You? Think?"

James put up his hand. "I helped!"

Billy's eyebrow rose higher. "You? Help?"

James' face fell. "And Alexander Lemming here did too," he admitted.

Alexander waved. "Hiya."

Minnie stamped her foot. "Let me speak! Now all that running and jumping and peashooting Roger made us do was what made the weather, which means: I reckon Roger owes us a share of the dough!"

"Right on, Sister!" Billy exclaimed - although he still seems to be sorting through some facts in his head.

James followed the pair as they stalked away. "Wait for us!"

"Hold on!" I called. "He's with Baby-Face now! In the third warehouse on the industrial estate."

"Thanks, dweeb," Minnie said as she walked past me.

"You'd better hurry before he leaves!" I said. "Run!"

So they did. The four of them thundered down the pavement, money on their minds, and I threw myself on the bike and pedalled like I'd never done before, a stitch in my side and my heart in my throat.

What if it's already over?

I overtook them and speeded to the warehouse, swinging my leg over the side and throwing the bike to the ground when I got there.

I went in the same way as before, shouldering past the bouncer. That seemed to be all that was needed for him to let me in, which I was thankful of.

I got behind my pillar again - the one closest to Roger and Walter. Though the lights were on them, Baby-Face hadn't started it yet, and he seemed to be socialising before the big finale. Drinks were being handed out - champagne, oil (for the Daleks), and the vampire held a glass of what looked suspiciously like blood.

Finally, after a few minutes, Baby-Face returned to the stage.

"So, villains and villainesses, if you could all take your seats, I shall begin!"

Roger's eyes were drawn to the doors hopefully, but then he frowned. "Walter, in the door, is that...

"Minnie, Billy and James?" Walter finished excitedly.

Roger grit his teeth. "Oh no, they've come to rescue us!"

"Fantastic! Do they know we're here?"

Roger rolled his eyes. "I hope not!"

Walter twisted round to look at Roger sternly. "The life of that girl is not worth both of ours!" He berated. "I'd never even seen her before the fair!"

Rude. But true.

Roger's mouth turned down into a frown. "So?"

"So what's got you so wrapped up in her?" Walter asked. His eyes narrowed. "Do you have a crush on her?"

"No!"

Baby-Face scowled up at them. "What's all the commotion up there?"

"Nothing, nothing! You just carry on as you were," Roger called down.

Walter let out a noise of frustration. "The one time you think of someone other than yourself, for once, and it's when you're about to be eaten by piranhas!"

Roger shrugged. "Is that such a bad thing? Haven't I repented my sins?"

"No!" Walter said exasperatedly. "Because I'm here about to die with you!"

Baby-Face approached the dominoes with a flourish. "So, without further ado, I push the first dom-"

"Not so fast!"

I breathed a sigh of relief. Minnie was there. 

That was too close.

"'Ello 'ello 'ello, What's all this, then?" Billy asked, grinning.

"Curses! Brats!" Baby-Face bawled.

"Minnie!" Roger shouted. "Go away!"

Walter shook his head. "No, stay!"

From their shouting, Minnie's attention was drawn up to the piranha tank and the boys. "I see. You were about to eliminate our pals in a devious yet over-elaborate trap, were you? Well think again, nappy-features! We're going to stop you and teach you a lesson!"

I face-palmed. What could I do to help the quintet of idiots now? Nothing. Nada.

Baby-Face laughed. "Oh, I don't think you are."

Minnie replicated his laugh mockingly. "Oh yeah? And who's going to stop us?"

"Idiots," I muttered.

In less than five minutes, the villains had Minnie, Billy and James strung up with Roger and Walter. Billy gave them a run for their money, but with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide (plus the fact that they threatened to shoot him with a machine gun), he gave up pretty quickly.

"Nice work, guys. Brilliant rescue," Roger deadpanned.

Minnie scowled. "Shut up and start thinking! We're thirty seconds away from being fish food!"

James craned his neck to look down at the piranhas and gulped. "How did Baby-Face Finlayson say this trap works?"

"You'll find out soon enough," Roger said.

Walter was kind enough to fill them all in. "These dominoes topple, the last one drops on the see-saw, that flings Winston up in the air, he grabs the sack, that pulls the rope that lifts the hatch that lights the candle that burns the rope that drops us in the tank of piranha fish!"

James nodded wisely. "Yes. I thought that's what would happen."

Baby-Face, upon redelivering his speech, pushed the first domino.

I watched, helpless, as the dominoes click clacked down, starting to form the shape of Baby-Face's ugly mug.

"Come on," Roger encouraged. "We should be able to think of something! There's five of us now."

"Six!" James corrected.

Minnie head-butted him. "Shut up, Calamity! There's five! Me, Walter, Roger, Billy and you. Five!"

"And Alex. Six," James repeated.

Roger stared at James. "Alex? Who's Alex?"

"Alexander, my pet lemming. He came along too."

Billy glanced about. "What lemming? I can't see any lemming up here!"

But I could see a lemming down here. He dodged a waiter and raced over to my hiding place.

"Alexander!" I exclaimed. "We've got to help them-"

"I've got a plan. Stay here," Alexander instructed. He scampered away and I watched him disappear through the throngs of feet.

James' face was wrought with distress. "Oh woe is me! I truly am the unluckiest boy in the universe! About to be eaten by fish, and now I lose my best friend!"

Roger (quick-witted as he was) was the first to catch on. "Wait a minute! If Alexander lemming isn't up here, he must be - yes!"

I followed Roger's gaze to where Winston the cat sat on the see-saw. "Excuse me, Winston? Would you mind awfully coming here for a moment?" The clever lemming pulled the bewildered cat off of the see-saw just in time.

"Yes! He did it!" Roger cried. "Without Winston the whole trap's defunct! We're saved! We just need to get down so I can-"

I extracted myself from the safety of the pillar and darted off toward the scaffolded platform next to the fish tank, with the intention of reversing the mechanism in the confusion - but then Baby-Face turned to see why the villains were gasping and stomped his foot as he saw his ruined plan "Why, you rotten spoilsports! You don't get out of it that easily! I'll just climb up there and cut the rope myself!"

He climbed the stairs to the started toward the rope, but I was already there at the top, facing him boldly with my feet planted firmly on the wood.

"Oh, flipping will you?" I asked with a grin.

I heard Roger cry a startled: "What?" and Walter say: "But-" from behind me, but I didn't dare take my eyes off of the glinting metal of the scissors in Baby-Face's Chubb fist.

Baby-Face scowled and motioned with the scissors for me to move aside. "Curses! Not you! Move!"

I lifted my chin. "Make me!"

"You don't know what you're doing!" Roger yelled desperately. "Get out of here!"

"Shut up!" I called back, without turning. "I'm concentrating!"

I heard muttering from behind me as Baby-Face slowly approached my front. "Roger, why are you red?" Minnie asked teasingly.

"Listen to your boyfriend!" Baby-Face sneered. "Move out of my way!"

I hardened my expression, setting my jaw. "No."

"Well then..." Baby-Face narrowed his eyes and smiled smugly. "Chee-arge!"

Baby-Face rushed the last few metres, the scissors pointed straight at my stomach. As he approached I snapped my arm out and caught the wrist with the scissors, pulling him toward me. I moved at the last moment and his momentum and my hand pulling him past me caused him to lurch out over the tank - by then it was too late.

By some stroke of bad luck he grabbed Walter's foot and dangled there above the water, whimpering, the scissors lying out of his reach at the bottom of the tank.

Relief and elation swept through me as I regained my breath. Adrenaline was pushing me to a new high, and I couldn't help but grin like a maniac.

Minnie leaned forwards and stuck her tongue out at the terrified mafia boss below her. "Take that, you dummy-sucking demon!"

Walter was less pleased about the situation. "Let go of me, you little rat!" He cried, shaking his foot.

"Never mind that," Baby-Face squeaked. "Wilkes, what are you doing? Stop!"

Down below, Mr Wilkes held a pocket knife to the rope. He paused and looked up at the faces peering down at him, and smiled almost sweetly. "Just carrying out your orders, Sir."

And then he slit the rope.

"NO!" I screamed, reaching for the rope as it whizzed past me. I gasped as the rope burnt my palms and I involuntarily let go, tears leaking from my eyes.

Gone, gone, gone-

Surprised yelps met my ears and I turned back to the tank.

A smile spread over my face. Billy Whizz - the incredible boy - was flapping his feet, keeping them hovering. I knew they were too far down to pull up, so I raced down the stairs and found Alexander, giving him a few quick instructions.

Minnie blinked. "Where was the splash?"

James looked up, then down. "Why are we floating?"

"Guys," Billy groaned. "I can't keep this up much longer... I'm flapping my feet so fast they keep us hovering, but my legs are straining! About... To... Drop..."

"Alexander!" I called. "Quickly!"

Like an avenging angel-lemming, Alexander came into view, driving a huge forklift. He wedged it underneath the tank and lifted his side; the imbalance tipped the tank towards the villains, who squealed and started to run. Piranha-infested water sloshed from the tank and flowed away from us, towards the fleeing villains, chasing them out of the door with a wave of flesh-eating fish at their heels.

Once Billy lowered the five of then to the ground, Baby-Face took one look at their thunderous faces and fled, running over the piranha-scattered floor.

"Ouch - ow! You lousy kids haven't heard the last of Baby-Face!" He cried over his shoulder. "Ow, my bum!"

Alexander and I set about freeing the others from their chairs.

Once they were free, Minnie stretched and smiled triumphantly. "Well done us! The villains all scared away and our lives saved. You know, we don't make a bad team."

Roger hummed in response. His eyes strayed to me. I blushed - heavily. "With my brains and your... whatever, we should do this again some time."

"Yeah, maybe we should be a super team!" Billy said excitedly. "We should call ourselves the Whizz Kids!"

Look away from me, Roger, please.

Minnie shook her head. "Minnie's Minions!"

I couldn't blink.

"The Calamity James Gang!"

Why is Roger walking towards me?

"The AleX-Men!" Alexander piped up.

"No no no," Roger said, his eyes finally leaving mine when he got to my side. "I think The Dodgers, don't you?"

Minnie huffed. "Get out of it. There's no way I'm joining a team named after you!" She rolled her eyes and marched away without a goodbye or even a thank you. Typical.

He glanced secretively at me. "Devin's Dodgers, I think we'll call us."

My name. He knows my name. He didn't call me Squirt!

I forced a smile. "Minnie still won't join it," I pointed out, a slight wobble to my voice.

Roger shrugged. "Do we need her?" He asked softly.

"Well..."

"After her awful rescue attempt, I wouldn't recruit her," he admitted. He frowned and turned to face me fully. "Hey, how did you manage to Dynamo your way out of there, anyway?"

I smirked. "Trade secrets, I'm afraid." Funny how my voice exuded confidence, but my chest felt insubstantial to cage my heart.

Roger cocked his head. "Seriously."

I shrugged. "Seriously, he never even had me to begin with."

Roger closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "That scheming..."

I nudged his arm to catch his attention. "Leave it. It's over now."

He opened his eyes and pinned me with a stare. "That was reckless, what you did."

"I don't know why you're complaining," I said. "It did the job, didn't it?"

"Yes, but you could've gotten hurt-"

"But I wasn't."

"He was going to stab you with the scissors!"

I let out a disbelieving huff. "Are you really that worried about my wellbeing?"

Billy appeared at Roger's shoulder. "He was practically bawling for you while you stood up there-"

Roger span around to hit Billy, but the boy was too quick and danced out of reach.

"Billy!" Roger said. "That's a lie!"

"No it isn't," Billy disagreed. He made a disgruntled noise as Roger picked up a piranha by the tail and flung it his way, and mock saluted us before speeding away, making me laugh.

"I can't believe they were so stupid as to walk straight in," I mused, still smiling.

Roger nodded thoughtfully. "I still haven't asked how they found us."

"Easy," I said. "I followed Baby-Face here, heard his plans, then fetched the others. They were just stupid enough that they thought they could rival guns with pea shooters. I mean, come on!"

"Yeah, idiots," Roger agreed. "Uh... Wait. So you were there... Until he explained the plan?"

I scuffed my toe. "Yes..."

"And before he knocked us out? Before, before?"

"Mmm-Yes."

He wrinkled his nose. "Rats. Look, what I said-"

My spirits sank.

"I know."

He stared. "You do?"

"Yeah," I sighed, giving a slight shrug. "I need to head home anyway. I had fun, by the way. It was good."

He caught my arm as I went to turn away. "What are you on about?"

I tugged away from him. "Um... You didn't mean what you said? So I'm going home now."

He shook his head slowly. "No, Devin, you've misunderstood me. I did mean what I said."

"You... You did?"

He dipped his head. "Yep. Everything."

"Woah." I muttered. "Okay..."

I was stunned to be pulled by the arm towards him. My feet stayed where they were but my torso leant into Roger's chest, and all at once I was enveloped by his warm chequered jumper and cradled by his arms, my head on his chest.

It was only a second or so, but it was enough to let me hear the quick thu-thump of his fox-trotting heart.

He pulled back first. "Sorry. I should've asked first."

I blinked dumbly for a moment. "Ah... No, I don't mind. I mean- Can I-?" I motioned between us, and he nodded.

"Let's."

I raised my chin and met him halfway, my lips pressing against his in a sweet, naive gesture.

"Oi!" Minnie shouted.

I pulled away instantly, a blush spreading up my cheeks.

"Don't you go soft on me, Dodger!" She threatened.

Roger shot a glare at Minnie, who peered around the doorframe with a disgusted expression. "Don't you pry into my private life, Minx!"

He glared at her until she left, then turned back to me. I was still flush against his chest, one of his arms wrapped around the small of my back.

"Shall we try again?"

And we did.

 

Word count: 9,623


	2. Danny X OC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So after a long while where I forgot about this, I’ve copied and pasted this from Wattpad! There’s more there, but I hope you enjoy this whopping 12,000~ word short(ish)!

Bash Street School have been looking for well-behaved children like Cuthbert ever since class IIB arrived, in the hopes that the newcomers would have a positive influence. At first, there were some people who sent their children there sincerely, but quickly changed due to the mischievous nature of the nine permanent Back Street Kids of class IIB. Later on, parents sent their kids there to encourage reformation, making them realise that their old schools weren't so bad after all!

I'm not sure when it started, but a few years ago - three or four years, maybe? - a trend began in the girls at my school. They were being fed the bad-boy image by the media, and since Dennis showed no interest, Billy simply ran away, and Roger started seriously dating Devin last year, the girl turned their attentions elsewhere; where better but Bash Street?

There was a mass exodus from school as soon as the bell rang every day. The boys would go home one way, and the girls went the other - to descend upon Bash Street School like a plague of locusts. 

I never got involved, or tagged along, but I heard rumours and titbits as I listened and observed my peers in class. 

"Danny's so gorgeous," they would whisper. "Did you see that jawline?"

"You know, Fatty's slimmed down so much since he met that girl! I heard-"

"But did you hear Wilfred's voice! It's so deep!"

And so on and so forth. Apparently, puberty had done them all a favour, and, at the age of seventeen, they were practically gods amongst the girls of Beanotown High. Even Plug had a few admirers (for character, not for looks). 

Of course, heartthrobs coexisted with heartbreak. Just last year, a girl was dating Sidney, and it seemed to be going well until she came to school with a black eye because Toots had socked her and told her to tell all the other girls to keep their noses out of Bash Street. Not that it stopped them, though. 

I kept all of this information in mind as I bravely stood in front of Bash Street School. What had possessed me, you ask? Good grades, that's what: an unconditional A in maths (my weakest subject) if I stayed on for a month. 

Doesn't sound too hard...

I heard a crash and a cat screeched. Winston launched himself out of the ground floor window, pursued by a paper ball and a rubber. 

The cat noticed me and approached carefully, and I leaned down to stroke him. He purred and leaped into my arms for a cuddle. He was soft and warm and exactly the kind of assurance that I needed - at least someone (/thing) cared enough in this school. 

"Oi!" Someone yelled. "What're you doing?"

I startled and Winston jumped out of my arms, allowing me to straighten up. A tall, round faced boy with a ridiculously long tie was holding the window up and looking me up and down. 

"If you're here for me you've come to the right place," he drawled, using his free hand to beckon me over. 

I shook my head in disgust and continued towards the front doors. 

I heard a faint: "Spotty! Just what do you think you're doing?"

"There's a girl at the front door, Teach, I think she wants in!"

"I'll deal with it," a feminine voice said. "OI! YOU! Piss off!"

I went back in view of the window, where a girl with black hair and a blue and black striped jumped was scowling at me. Teacher was peering curiously over one of her shoulders, with Spotty smirking over the other, and Toots looked ready to kill. 

"You've got some nerve coming here in the middle of the day - beat it!"

I clenched my jaw in irritation. "I'm the new student," I said calmly. "Can I come in?"

Toots' face fell, Spotty's adopted a shocked expression, and Teacher seemed elated. 

"Oh, of course! My apologies! Toots, Spotty, move, let the girl in - you'll have to come in the window, Erica, we've lost the key to the door."

I approached the window and swang my legs over the sill. My feet landed on grubby wooden flooring in an equally grubby classroom. 

"Okay, Class IIB. Meet your newest member!"

I turned to see seven teenage boys poised to throw various items - books, stationary, a paper aeroplane - but they paused when I swept a hard gaze over the room. I made eye contact with each, daring them to follow through, and they slowly put down their ammunition. 

I inwardly smiled. No one here would bother me for the duration of my stay. 

"Um..." Teacher mumbled. He too was shocked. "This is Erica Jones. She's here for a trial period."

Deathly silence. 

"Where should I sit?" I asked. 

"Wherever you see fit."

I nodded and stalked down the rows to the very back, to a seat on my own, ensuring that none of them would try to talk to me - because God knew that the rumours were true, they had all grown up well; and I knew that I wasn't the greatest socialiser with boys with good jaw lines. Or boys in general, for that matter. 

***

"What is the function of a rhetorical question in a persuasive piece of writing?" Teacher asked the class. 

None of them paid attention. After my dramatic entrance, the silence had given way to whispers, which morphed into chat and laughter. I didn't mind much - the lesson was all revision for me. 

Cuthbert's hand was already up, and Teacher picked him. I saw Sidney roll his eyes and flick a pen lid at Cuthbert's head, and it pinged off his glasses frames. 

No one paid me any heed at the back. Out of sight, out of mind. I got a few sideways glances from the corners of eyes, and Spotty was looking at me more than necessary, but overall I stayed under the radar. 

Oddly, the only one who hadn't looked back at me at any point was Danny. As the leader of the gang I thought he'd be the first to analyse me, but he simply didn't look - too busy chatting to Spotty and Plug to worry about a small-fry like me.

"Sir!" Cuthbert said suddenly. "Plug won't lend me his pen!"

Spotty leaned back in his chair, causing it to tilt dangerously. "Someone's in trouble," he sang. 

"Well anything's better than working," Danny replied in a bored tone, his cheek smushed into the palm of his hand. 

"Plug," Teacher said, "why won't you lend Cuthbert your pen?"

"Because he's a nasty little squirt who doesn't know how to say 'please'," Plug replied indignantly. 

Teacher frowned. "I'm sure that's not true - is it, Cuthbert?"

Cuthbert floundered for words. "Er... Well... Huh. Why should I say 'please' to these ruffians?"

The class' jaws dropped and then clenched in anger. 

Fatty (who was indeed slimming down) scowled at Cuthbert. "It'll save you a fortune in medical bills for a start!" He put a hand on Plug's shoulder to hold the tall boy back, who had already rolled up his sleeves in readiness for a scuffle. 

"Hmm..." Teacher said. "As this is an English lesson, perhaps we should spend a few minutes on the importance of the word 'please' - including Cuthbert."

"Cor! You're being fair, Teacher!"

"Are you ill, Teach?"

Teacher adjusted his glasses. "Settle down. Now, when we say 'please' it means that we are showing appreciation of the other person's feelings."

"Could you give us an example?" Sidney asked. 

"Er, well... Danny, could you come and help me explain?"

Danny got up slowly, as if it were a great physical effort. 

"Now, say something to me... In a rude way."

Danny's eyebrow quirked, and a smirk played on the corner of his lips. The class fell into hush. 

"Get out of this classroom," he said in theatrical anger. 

Teacher nodded. "Good. Now say the same thing in a nice way so that everyone can see the difference."

Danny pointed to the door. "Get out of this classroom... NOW!"

The others sniggered. 

"No, Danny. Use the magic word."

He scrunched up his face is mock confusion. "Get out of this classroom... Abracadabra?"

The class erupted into hoots of laughter as Danny continued his act, much to Teacher's frustration. Amongst the laughter, I saw books being slid off of tables and into bags, and pencil cases being zipped up - the noise of which was masked. 

"No, no! Say please!" Teacher huffed. 

"'Please' what?"

"Please get out of this classroom!"

The game of cat and mouse was up. Danny, Spotty, Sidney, Toots, Plug, Fatty, 'Erbert, Wilfred and Smiffy all launched to their feet and ran for the door, pushing past Teacher in the process. 

At the end of the stampede, Cuthbert and I were left in the classroom. 

"Do you still think you can teach manners, Sir?" Cuthbert asked smugly. 

"Cuthbert, please shut up!"

Teacher turned to me wearily. "That lot won't be coming back, would you like the rest of the day off? I need hot tea and a biccy."

I shrugged and packed up my things, leaving without a word. 

Trust the Bash Street lot to get out of school like that. 

I the corridor I ran into 'Erbert, whose vision had recently been corrected with surgery, though he wore fake glasses because it was more comfortable for him (having worn them for the whole of his childhood). 

"They can't find an exit," he explained as I gave him a confused look. 

"Can't they use the door?"

"They're all open," Smiffy said as he came out of one of the doors. 

"Dolt, you mean shut," Spotty said as he came back into the corridor. "Oh, hi Erica."

I gave him a sideways look as I walked past, not even turning my head. "Hi."

"Woah, frosty," he laughed. "Who made you the ice queen?"

"Shut up, Spotty," Sidney said. "Leave the girl alone."

"Oh?" Spotty said. "So! You're going to go soft for this one too, are you?"

"No one is going soft for anyone," Toots announced. She lowered her voice, but didn't count on the echo of the hall. "Why do you think she came here? For a good education? Or for you guys?"

"I don't care," Spotty said. "She's-"

I didn't hear the least part, because I opened the door to the staff room and climbed out of the window into the fresh air, where no unoriginal dramas were taking place.

***

The next day, Teacher wasn't in when I got into school - neither were the others, except Cuthbert. 

"Teacher is never late," Cuthbert explained. "That lot must have done something horrid to him."

"Wouldn't surprise me," I sighed. 

"Well, I'm going to do some maths while I wait."

Cuthbert got an exercise book out and started to write furiously. I watched but quickly got bored, so I took out a book and started to read. 

An hour later, the rest of the students walked in looking worse for wear. They trailed in leaves and mud as they slumped into their chairs, followed by Teacher, who was giving them a lecture on why they should be on time for school. 

"But Teach, Bosh Street challenged us to a game, and-"

"Silence, Plug!" Teacher shouted. He massaged his temples and caught sight of me with a book on my desk. "Okay, reading time! Get your books out and be quiet. I'll be coming round to check your books."

There was a collective groan, and I bent my head low over my book, eager to escape into a world where I didn't have 26 days before I got back to proper school. 

"Fatty, I appreciate your dieting enthusiasm, but you can't read a diet cookbook in class," Teacher sighed. 

"But I haven't anything else to read!"

"I'll get you something in a minute." Teacher moved on to Smiffy. "What's that, Smiffy?"

Smiffy tilted the cover so Teacher could see, and Teacher facepalmed. "Daft pupil. You're reading a telephone book!" He looked up the row. "Sidney, that book is upside down! Spotty, I can see that phone behind that book! What's the matter with you lot? Don't you use the school library?"

"Lib-lub-ly?" Plug asked, pulling a face (it wasn't an improvement). 

"I sometimes use the lavatory," Smiffy said. 

Teacher sighed. "No. Class, follow me."

I assumed that meant me as well, so I tagged along at the back after Wilfred, who had moved on from his green high-necked jumpers onto green hoodies. 

"This is the school library," Teacher explained, stopping at a door. 

"I though it was a book cupboard," Sidney commented. 

Teacher opened it up to reveal a cupboard with a few old leather bound books propped up in one corner. 

"They're ancient!" Danny said. "And mouldy! You can't expect us to read those!"

"Hmm. I'm sure we had more than four..?" Teacher said to himself. "Never mind. I'll go to the Posh Street and loan some modern classics for you all to read. Please go back to your desks. Behave while I'm gone."

"Sure, Teach!"

Teacher left us in the corridor and the Bash Street kids turned to go back to class, therefore turning to face me. 

Danny was the first to speak. "Blast. I forgot you were here, uhh..." 

"It's Erica..." I filled in. I turned away and started to walk quickly back to class, feeling ever so slightly sorry for myself. 

"Hey, wait up!" Danny exclaimed. I heard heavy, fast footsteps, and he caught up just before I got into the classroom. "Look, I'm sorry I forgot your name," he explained. "You haven't really said much since you got here, so..."

"It's fine," I said. I gave him a small smile. "You're the first to bother to apologise."

His expression hardened. "Wait, you get that a lot?"

The others caught up. I shrugged and walked back to my seat without answering him. 

The last thing I needed was for the Bash Street lot to feel sorry for me. 

I happily got back to my book, and delved deep into someone else's fantasy world - that is, before I was interrupted. 

"Whatcha doing?"

I grudgingly looked up to see Spotty had approached me. He grabbed a chair in from the desk in front of me and straddled it, resting his face in his hands. 

"Well I was reading. But then someone interrupted me." I replied icily.

"Ooh, well, Miss Snowwoman, I didn't 'interrupt' for no reason. I came to ask the question that I think everyone wants to know - why here?"

I frowned, and put my bookmark into my book. "'Why here'?"

"Yeah. Why did you choose to come to our class? Why not IIC?"

I fiddled with a loose thread of my sleeve. "Honestly? Good maths grades."

Spotty stared, an everyone else behind sat up straighter, save Smiffy, who slid down in his chair. I knew they were listening in, but none turned round. 

"Good... Good maths grades?" Spotty asked unsurely. "Here? You must be mad!"

"I get an A if I stay here for a month. Twenty-six more days."

Spotty huffed. "So you're using us?"

"More like the school is trying to use me," I reasoned. "Wouldn't you go to Beanotown High if you were promised an A in maths in return?"

"Not the same. We're us. They're all... Like you at Beano High." He gestured to my book. 

"Gee, thanks. And it's not like Dennis and Minnie and Rodger exist, either, right?"

"Ha," he smirked. "Knew you had some sarcasm down there somewhere. High five! ... Don't leave me hanging."

I reluctantly slapped his hand. 

"Can I go back to my book, now?"

"Nope. I want to know all about you."

"Lay off, Spots," Danny said suddenly. "Let her read."

Spotty twisted around. "I was only talking to her!"

"Interrogating, more like," Danny replied. He adjusted his red and black cap and glanced at me quickly before focusing his attention on Spotty. 

"Can she be trusted, though?" Toots questioned. "I mean, she's a book nerd like Cringy over there-"

"Yeah, exactly, Danny. I'm seeing if she's trustworthy," Spotty nodded. He shot me a wink and I inwardly cringed. 

"You were seeing if she's single, more like,' Danny griped. 

Instead of retaliating, Spotty turned back to me with a grin. "Good question! Are you?"

I made a face and opened up my book. "Do I have to answer that?"

His gleeful expression fell. Several curious faces looked my way. "I'll leave you alone, then."

Toots looked relieved that I was supposedly off the tables for them all. 

Teacher, for once, was actually on time. He hurried in just at that moment, a pile of books balanced precariously on his arms. He put them on his desk and looked around. 

"You haven't made a mess," he commented. "What have you done? Booby-trapped my desk?"

"Nah, Teach. Much more interesting things to do," Plug said lightly. 

"Cuthbert, my star pupil. What have they been up to in my absence?"

Cuthbert sat up straight and adjusted his glasses. "They were talking to the new girl," he reported. 

Teacher's bemused eyes swivelled to me. "Well, I'm glad you're being such a good influence," he said to me. 

I ducked my head. 

"Ahem. Now, these are on loan from Posh Street, make sure they stay pristine, you hear?"

The class nodded. 

"I expect you to read in silence and improve your minds," Teacher said as he handed out the books. "Now, begin."

I opened up the book at page one. It was mind-bogglingly dull, so by the tenth page I slid my own book onto the desk and put the 'The Rivalry of Monty Bistoe and Captain Kilswift' in my bag. 

There was much page-turning - far too fast for them all to be reading it properly (though I couldn't blame them). 

After another ten minutes, Danny snorted at the front of the class. 

"What's up?" Fatty whispered loudly. 

Danny held his book up in the air. "Look at page fifty-six!"

"Aargh!" Spotty made an odd noise and slammed his book shut, then opened it again just as fast. 

"That's so rude!" Plug laughed gleefully. 

Toots grinned. "Wait 'till you get to page eighty-two!"

"What are you lot muttering about?" Teacher asked. 

In answer, Toots held up her book to let Teacher see. He let out an unearthly screech and snatched away the book, then proceeded to take the others away one by one. I got my copy out just in time to give it back. 

"That was definitely not the kind of reading I had in mind!"

"Aw," Spotty complained. "You're never any fun, Teacher."

"Yeah, what is your idea of fun?" Fatty questioned. 

"Fun? Er, well... I like to listen to old records..."

"How do you listen to paper?" Smiffy asked. 

Teacher ignored him. "I also like to collect different types of leaves, I suppose."

"They're the most boring ways of having fun ever." 

Danny glanced up at the clock. "Well, Teacher. Here's the deal: you let us off early today, and you give us a school trip tomorrow... And we won't tell anyone about your poor choice in books."

Teacher paled. "Please don't tell anyone. Oh no, I'll be sacked!"

"You can always make it up to us, Teacher," Toots smiled. 

Teacher mopped his brow. "Of course. I'll arrange a trip now. Where do you want to go?"

"Nowhere too flashy," Spotty said. "How about... Beanotown River?"

Teacher's eyes widened. "Well I'm not sure, there's so many safety rules now... I'd get sacked anyway if anyone fell in-"

"Loose tongues, Teacher," Danny reminded. 

"Alright... But no messing around, you hear?"

"Oh, we wouldn't dream of it, Teach."

Funnily enough, this didn't seem to console the man all that much. 

Toots smiled wickedly. "What I want to know is: why did Posh Street have those books in the first place?"

***

I knew I had made the right choice in wearing old clothes and sturdy walking boots the next day. There was an excited thrum in the air, and spirits were running too high for someone not to get wet in the river. 

The sun beat down mercilessly on my dark hair, making it hot to the touch. Bash Street wanted to save money, hence why we were walking down to the river rather than using the ancient minibus. It had nothing to do with 'improving youths' fitness'.

I wasn't quite convinced that the Bash Street kids were all that disastrous. All I saw were teens like me, with problems and worries and hobbies and friends, like any other student. 

I walked next to Wilfred on the way there. He didn't say a word, but I got the impression that he was less shy and more clever than he let on.

Once we got to the river a good half-hour later, Teacher set about finding shade to sit under. 

"Go and have fun," he grumbled, heading towards a small copse. 

I searched for a similar place, and saw a tree overhanging the river, providing a perfect little haven. 

"Come on, Teach," Plug said. "We're going to teach you how to have fun!"

I paused and turned back. Perhaps I could just watch this... After all, it was bound to be amusing. 

I put my bag down safely away from the river, and ventured after the group cautiously. Wilfred turned around and made a small, subtle gesture with his fingers, but I caught it and bit the inside of my lip. 

Should I..?

Before I knew it I was standing next to him and right next to the river, eagerly standing on tip-toes to see over the boys' heads. 

"Watch and learn," Danny said grandly. "Spotty, are you ready?"

Spotty, who was standing next to the river, nodded. Sidney was next to him - he had crouched down to look at a frog in the reeds. 

Spotty cleared his throat. "This is the Bash Street way of feeling happy-"

With one quick sweep, he had pushed Sidney's shoulders, unbalancing the other boy and causing him to topple into the river, head first, with a huge splash. 

"- watching someone else get pushed into the river!"

Spotty fell about laughing, and the others were stifling bouts of laughter too. 

Teacher, however, seemed mystified. 

"Funny, huh?" Spotty asked Teacher, between guffaws. 

"Hilarious," Sidney muttered as he picked himself up out of the water, sopping wet. 

"Come on Teach!" Danny threw his hand up in the air. "Doesn't that make you feel a little bit happy?"

Teacher turned confused eyes onto Danny. "Well..."

Teacher suddenly reached out and shoved Danny backwards. The boy gave an almighty yell as his heel went over the river bank and he fell backwards into the river. 

"You're right!" Teacher cried. "It does!"

He proceeded to run along the river bank, pushing the students in when he passed. Fatty was down the line, so he took one look at Teacher and simply stepped into the river, letting his trousers get wet but his shirt staying dry. I had the good sense to take steps backwards so Teacher passed in front of me rather than behind, but Wilfred wasn't so perceptive and ended up in the river too. 

"Quick!" Spotty said. "Give me those!"

He took 'Erbert's glasses and put his hands behind his back, looking small. 

Teacher pushed 'Erbert in, then paused to look at Spotty. 

"You wouldn't shove a boy with glasses, would you?" He asked. 

Teacher grinned. "Wrong again Spotty!" He gave the biggest push yet and Spotty fell in, dousing the others in a fresh wave of river water. 

"People with glasses should especially be pushed into rivers," Teacher stated triumphantly. 

Smiffy, standing near Teacher, overheard, and a brightness of understanding overtook his features as he observed Teacher's spectacles. Smiffy stepped forwards and BAM, Teacher was on all fours in the water. 

Danny waded over with his hands on his hips. "Well!" He said. "Are you happy, now?"

Teacher launched to his feet. "Yes!" He exclaimed, whipping Danny's cap off of his head. Danny made some shocked complaint and jumped too slow as Teacher tossed the cap to Plug. 

Smiffy stood on the sidelines, looking as confused as I felt. 

"Give me my cap!" Danny demanded of Plug. 

Plug grinned cheekily, swirling the cap round his forefinger. "Come and get it!"

"Here, Plug - to me!" Teacher called, and when he caught it he sloshed through the water away from a raging Danny, holding the cap high. 

I glanced to the other end of the river just in time to see Spotty attempting to climb out of the river. I debated on warning him about the approaching Sidney, but Sidney put his finger to his lips with an evil smirk and caught ahold of Spotty's long tie, dragging him back into the water with a yelp. 

"Funny, huh?" Sidney mocked, and Spotty spat a mouthful of water at him. 

A call caught my attention and my gaze swivelled back to Teacher. Toots and Plug were vying for the next catch of Danny's cap, clamouring for his attention. 

"Over here, Teach!"

"No, here!"

"Here! To me!"

Teacher threw the cap to Toots, but Danny made a well-timed jump for it and managed to return it to his head with a satisfied smile, despite the fact that he and it were dripping wet. 

"All right," Teacher said. "We'd better dry off before we eat lunch."

Danny glanced up and caught my eye, and sent me a smile. He broke it to wring out his shirt, showing a sliver of pale stomach. 

I averted my eyes and heaved a sigh before moving myself away from everyone. They had started to splash Smiffy because he didn't go in, and I didn't want to meet the same fate. 

I reached the tree that I'd spotted earlier and parted the branches. It was even prettier inside the dome of foliage, with light dappling the soft moss and a gap showing the sparkling river. It was cooler too, sheltered from the heat of the midday sun.

I checked my watch, and it read 11:47AM. Not quite time for lunch, yet not enough time to get absorbed by my book...

I sat down on a and laid back on the springy mattress of moss, admiring the colours of the canopy. Ever so slowly, my eyelids began to lull, until I closed my eyes fully and let the sound of the river and the birds relax me so fully that I fell asleep. 

***

I startled awake when someone poked me in the ribs. 

"Hey," I grumbled sleepily, batting the hand away. 

Someone sighed in relief. "I thought you had a concussion. You've been gone for an hour."

I rubbed my eyes sleepily and blinked away the blurriest to be met face-to-face with Danny. I squawked and pushed his chest to let me get up. 

I brushed off the lose moss clinging to my trousers. "What? Why'd you think I had a concussion?"

He frowned. "You didn't wake up when I called for you, Erica. You sleep like the dead."

"Well, thanks for the compliment," I said dryly. "Where's everyone else?"

He shrugged and shoved his hands deep in his pockets. His clothes were now completely dry, but his hair was a little damp, making it curl close against his head. "Last I heard they were trying to think of someone they could match up with Plug."

I picked up my bag and took two steps towards the edge of the curtain of leaves. "And you didn't want to be involved?"

"Not really. It's impossible, isn't it?"

I gave him a sharp look. "Don't say that. Plug just needs..."

"Plastic surgery?"

I scowled. "No! He needs support! If you're setting him up with a blind date-" I cut myself off and a grin slowly spread over my face. "That's it: he needs a blind date!"

Danny's eyes widened, as did his smile. "That's brilliant!"

"Let's go tell them; hopefully 'Erbert might know someone-"

Danny held his hand up. "Hold up. I brought you lunch," he said. "Everyone else ate, so..."

I turned my body to face him fully. "Why are you doing this?" I asked bluntly. 

He feigned ignorance. "Doing what?"

"Being nice. It's not normal."

He crossed his arms, his eyes flashing. "So I'm not allowed to actually be nice sometimes? I'm expected to just ridicule and scrap with everyone around me?"

"No, it just..."

"What? Because that's what everyone says? Because that's all I'm ever going to be?"

"No-"

He shook his head. "You might as well say it. Everyone else does." 

"You don't like it," I said bluntly. 

He rolled his eyes. "Of course not! Do you think we want that reputation any more?"

I analysed his face, taking in the bags under his eyes, and the smudge of ink on his jaw. 

I let out a deep breath. "Have you told anyone else? About how you feel?"

His head snapped up. "No. And you'd better not-"

I closed the distance between us and held out my pinky finger. 

His blue eyes darted up to mine searchingly. "You know what will happen if ou break it," he warned. 

I rolled me eyes. "That's why I'm offering it, Captain Kilswift."

The corner of his mouth twitched up. "I'm not that tyrannous, am I?"

"Not as much as Monty Bistoe," I said. "That title goes to Spotty, I'm afraid."

He shook my pinky. "Well I am honoured that you named me as the lesser evil," he joked. 

His smile was infectious; before I knew it, I was smiling too, and then he was getting out the food that he saved from lunch for me. 

We sat side-by-side with our backs to the broad tree trunk. Danny tilted his head back and closed his eyes while I ate the ham sandwich and the slice of cake that he had saved for me. I was constantly reminded of his presence by the heat of his upper arm against mine, warmer than the summer air and yet still giving me goosebumps.

The ink on his jaw was really bugging me. My eyes kept being drawn to it as I glanced at him. It was just underneath his jawline, hidden in a depth of shadow but still visible, like a hole in a jumper or an indentation in an exam table - you just want to touch it, feel the frayed edges, examine the colour and the pattern and the feel of the dip and the softness of skin-

I blinked out of my thoughts to see his eyes were open and he was staring sideways back at me, smiling. 

"I can model for you, if you like," he said. "You'll be able to stare at me for longer."

Heat singed my cheeks and I shook my head furiously. "No! I mean- no- it's just, there's ink on your jaw, and-"

Little lines appeared in his forehead as he turned to me fully and scrubbed at his cheek. "Gone?"

I shook my head. "Down a bit- right- not that far!"

He scrubbed the left of his face red with his fingers, unable to locate the spot. 

"It's here," I said frustratedly, touching my finger to his jaw. 

His eyes met mine and for a split second I was rendered speechless. I could feel a vein flickering under my finger, feel the warmth from his scrubbed cheek, feel the smoothness of his skin and the soft flesh beneath, and I was struck with the thought that if I had put more pressure behind my finger it would have sunk into the soft, vulnerable area like it was clay. 

I gulped and took my finger away. "You see?" I said, my voice ever so slightly higher pitched than normal. 

"Yeah," he breathed. 

I turned away from him to rifle through my bag and hide my blazing skin. Finally I found my hand sanitiser and some tissue, and held them out to him. 

He looked down at them in confusion. 

"To clear it off," I explained. 

"Uh... Could you?" He asked. Seeing my expression, he backtracked. "I mean I know where it is but I can't see it or anything, so I won't see if it's gone, you know?"

I grasped the sanitiser tightly. "O-okay."

I put a pea-sized sphere of sanitising gel on my finger before blotting it on the ink smudge. Danny flinched at the coldness but he seemed to relax as I rubbed the sanitiser into the area, watching the gel become coloured as the ink was drawn out of his skin. I was careful not to press too hard, but his skin was supple and my fingers moved of their own accord around the area, feeling up his sharp jawbone. 

After a minute I used the tissue to blot away the gel, leaving behind only the faintest outline. 

"Done," I said. My voice sounded slightly wobbly. 

"Thanks. That must have been Plug yesterday when his pen exploded."

"Yeah. Alright." I got up and dusted myself off. "We'd better go. They'll be looking for you by now."

He mirrored my actions. "You're just as important," Danny reminded me. 

There wasn't any point in arguing with him, not after such a questionable moment. Was it even a 'moment' at all? "Come on."

I picked up my bag and he followed me out of the embrace of the tree and out into the sunshine. Sure enough, I could see Spotty and Plug over by the river where Teacher had pushed them all in. The two were talking animatedly but stopped when Plug saw Danny. The two burst into a new conversation when they saw us together and I widened the gap between me and Danny further, my steps long and fast. Unfortunately Danny could match me stride for stride with his long legs, and managed to walk beside me up to his friends. I was about to walk past, but Danny seize my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, practically dragging me over.

"And where have you been?" Spotty questioned, looking down accusatorially at our joined hands. 

"I fell asleep," I said, tugging my hand out of Danny's grasp. "And Danny woke me up."

"With a kiss," Plug muttered, but it wasn't quiet enough. Spotty snorted and Danny hit Plug upside the head, scowling. 

"Keep your mouths shut, both of you! Nothing happened."

"If you say so," Spotty sang, narrowly dodging a half-hearted punch from Danny. 

"Anyway," I interrupted. "Do you know where everyone else is? I want to run something past them. Particularly 'Erbert."

They swapped confused glances and shook their heads.

"We were sent out in pairs to look for you guys so we can go," Spotty said. "We wanted to leave you, but Toots insisted."

"Thanks," Danny said sarcastically. "And why are we leaving? We only just got here!"

"There's this Big Game Show going on in Beanotown. Head sent Teacher a message saying to go back to school so we can go later. It's on at five. After school I know, but it'll be fun, right?" Spotty said enthusiastically. 

We eventually found the others - they had all regrouped, being too lazy to walk far - except from Toots and Sidney, who came back later, Sidney taking up the rear and complaining loudly, and complaining louder when he saw we were already back. 

***

"Alright class, I just need to change, so please wait for me in the classroom!" Teacher called. 

"Teacher, can I ask you a question?" Danny said quickly. "Why don't you have fun more often?"

Teacher paused. "Well... I don't know, Danny. I suppose... I suppose when you're a grown up, you sometimes forget how to."

He gave us a thin lipped smile and left the room in a rush, leaving us to wonder at his morose behaviour. 

Spotty raised his eyebrows. "Sheesh! How can you forget to have fun?"

Danny shrugged. "I don't know." He led the way into class and slumped down in his seat. "I wish we could stay this age forever."

Sidney nodded. "Me too."

"Me three!" Plug agreed. 

A chatter built up in the room. Toots glared me down as I passed the front seats, where there were spaces next to the boys - I adopted my spot at the back of the room again. 

I couldn't hear anyone in particular over the hum of laughter and talking of the nine, but I watched them all the same. 

Danny and Spotty seemed to be having an entertaining conversation. Danny was talking in a low voice with Spotty, and making a couple of swishing hand motions. Spotty three his head back and laughed, then slapped Danny on the shoulder. 

Danny watched with a grin as Spotty climbed up onto the table, clutching one of those clear, (supposedly) shatterproof rulers. 

"You are all prisoners of the count of Monty Bistoe!" He declared, brandishing the ruler down at us. There was some eye rolling, but we all watched in anticipation as Danny climbed on the desk to join him. 

"Oh yeah? You reckon without Captain Kilswift!"

Spotty smashed the flat of his ruler against Danny's, making a clatter. "Pah! Let your sword do the talking!"

A full-out reenactment of a pirate fight scene ensued, with much click clacking of plastic and a couple of yelps as bare skin got smacked accidentally. Everyone was watching now, and I was sure I heard Plug taking bets halfway through. 

I saw a streak of white and black in the middle of the fray, and a bedazzled Winston leaped onto my lap. I startled and he stretched, proceeding to knead my thighs until he found a comfortable position to curl up in. 

"You'll get hair all over me," I chided, stroking his soft back. He purred in contentment and opened a lazy eye. 

Spotty's exclamation broke the moment. "Take that, pirate, and that!"

He grinned and braced his ruler against Danny's, leering over the top of the cross at him. "You fight like a girl!" He jeered. 

"I heard that!" Toots shouted. 

Spotty ignored her. "Let's see what you're really made of."

"You got it!"

This time, all rules were out of the window. Danny landed a few hits by 'accidentally' standing on Spotty's tie and Spotty got one by standing on his own tie to make it taught so that Danny tripped up. 

Soon stationery was being used as ammo, not just by the two but also the other kids. They threw at whoever they hadn't placed their bets on - except Smiffy, who threw at whoever, regardless of the bet.  

That's when teacher came in. "What's the meaning of all this?"

Smiffy had run out of rubbers and pencils, so he changed to more drastic ideas. 

He flung a chair towards Spotty, who ducked, and the chair flew towards Teacher. Teacher's eyes widened and he ran out and slammed the door shut, so the chair collided with it rather than him. 

"WHO THREW THAT?" He shouted from outside the room. 

"Help," Sidney muttered, diving for his seat. 

Danny looked about wildly, then caught sight of the guilty Smiffy. "Here, Smiffy," he said, handing the boy his ruler. 

Spotty caught on and pressed his own ruler into Smiffy's other hand. "Happy birthday!"

When Teacher burst back into the room, he saw three neat rows of students - and Smiffy standing in the middle of the mess with two battered rulers. "So!"

"But," Smiffy tried. "But..."

Teacher scowled down at him. "If you continue this kind of behaviour, you'll never get the job you want in the future! You'll have to work in McBeano or something!"

Danny leaned forward and asked: "What do you want to be when you're older, Smiffy?"

Smiffy brightened. "A badger."

Even I couldn't help but laugh at Smiffy's naivety. Teacher watched passively while we snorted and hooted. 

"You won't need any qualifications for that, then," he sighed. "Any other realistic job ideas?"

Plug's hand shot up. "I want to be a makeup artist!" He announced. 

"Oh, horrors!" Teacher grimaced. "Yes, Fatty?"

"I want to be a ballet dancer!"

'Erbert clapped loudly to fill the stunned silence. 

"Well I don't see why not," Teacher said at last. 

Fatty slumped a little. "Exactly, guys. Where was the support?"

"You just surprised us, that's all," Sidney said. I have to say, he looked slightly regretful of having kept quiet. 

Teacher cleared his throat. "What do you want to be, Danny?"

"A doctor," Danny replied in a bored tone. 

"Ah! A worthwhile profession, if you aren't squeamish," Teacher nodded, finally happy with an answer. "What about you, Spotty?"

Spotty, who had been doodling in his book, looked up quickly. "Hm?"

"What do you want to be when you're older?" Teacher repeated. 

Spotty grinned. "Older!"

Danny's sniggers seemed to set everyone else off. 

"Very funny." Teacher tapped his foot. 

Spotty banged his fist on the table. "Then perhaps I should be a comedian!"

"Spotty, your mouth is going to get you into trouble," Teacher warned. 

Spotty shrugged. "Then... I'll get a job in outer space!"

"Spotty the astronaut?" Danny asked in disbelief. 

Toots smiled smugly. "I don't think so."

Teacher frowned. "Now, class. If Spotty works hard there's no reason why-"

"Works hard?" Spotty interrupted loudly. "Oh no, if I have to work hard, I'm not interested!

Teacher looked sharply at him. "Spotty, think about what I said to Smiffy. Just what do you think you can do if you don't learn anything?"

Spotty looked back down at his desk. "Be a teacher..."

I solemnly declare that this moment was the most I'd laughed in months. 

"That's it! I told you that mouth of yours would get you in trouble. And I don't know what you lot are laughing at," Teacher said to us haughtily. "A hundred lines to be handed in tomorrow, Spotty, no excuses."

Spotty slouched, but when Teacher turned to the blackboard he swapped a triumphant smirk with Danny.

Ten minutes later, just before the bell rang, Head marched into the classroom. 

"Alright, class! The Big Game Show is on tonight!" He announced. "If you want to come, meet at Beanotown hall at a quarter to five."

Spotty raised his hand. "Sir? Will there be prizes?"

Smiffy raised his hand too. "Will I see my mum on the telly?"

Head nodded at Spotty. "Yes, there will be prizes." He looked at Teacher and frowned. "Teacher, why the long face?"

Teacher shook his head helplessly. "I hate games. I'm rubbish at rugby, sloppy at swimming, feeble at football - and as for cricket-"

Head's smile was taciturn. "A quarter to five, Teacher. Don't be late."

***

At four forty-five exactly I turned up outside Beanotown hall. Advertisements for the event were plastered all over the walls, and people were already milling about. 

I wasn't the first to arrive - we were only waiting for Toots and Sidney. When they turned up a few minutes later, each tried to blame the other for their tardiness, and Teacher only just managed to distract them by announcing that we could go in. 

I headed up the rear as everyone else rushed in excitedly; their excitement shrank somewhat as they saw what exactly the Big Game Show entailed. 

"Wow!" Teacher exclaimed. "Board games!"

It was really busy in the hall - people of all ages were perusing the stalls, while others manned them. I saw Korky running a game of mouse trap, Ball Boy with table football, and Lucinda playing Buckaroo (with an excited Pepper standing over her shoulder). 

"It's teacher heaven!" Teacher cried in delight. "Chess, backgammon, ker-plunk..."

He wandered off, gazing about in amazement. 

I suddenly realised that I was completely and utterly alone. The others had made bee-lines for games like Jenga and Battleships. 

I wandered in the direction that Teacher had gone in, and saw him starting a game of Beano Monopoly with Roger the Dodger. 

"Bags I get Lord Snooty's top hat!" Teacher claimed. 

I silently sent him a good-luck and turned away, almost bumping into Head, who was strolling past and talking to himself. 

"Hm, what game should I play?" He mumbled, glancing enviously at Teacher on the Monopoly table. 

"Pssst! sir?"

I tried not to be too obvious about it, but I turned my head a fraction to see a small man shrouded in grim shadows. The light above the little alcove he was tucked into seemed to have cracked. No one else appeared to notice him. 

I was immediately put on my guard. Who is he?

"Hello?" Head asked unsurely. 

The man gestured to his table. "Fancy a game of this?"

"Tiddlywinks!" Head realised. "Ooh, that's my favourite!"

The man nodded. Even through the shadow I could see his wicked grin. "Very good, sir! Then perhaps sir would like to place a small bet on the game?"

I didn't like the sound of it. Perhaps I could fetch Teacher...?

I turned and walked back, but Teacher seemed too engrossed in his game for me to bother him. I hovered for a while, then I left. 

My eyes roved over the room and we're instinctively drawn to Danny. Wouldn't he know if the man was bad news?

I made my way over to where he was playing Pac Man against Boris from Number 13. 

"Gotcha!" Boris cried as his ghost hit Danny's. 

"Oh, not again," Danny groaned. "Fine."

"Need some help?" I asked with a smile. 

He glanced up and grinned. "Maybe. Are you good at Pac Man?"

"I don't know. Sort of." I shook my head. "Actually, can I talk to you for a moment?"

A crease appeared in his forehead. "Yep, sure. Sorry, Boris, do you mind...?"

Boris waved his hand. "Nah. You two have fun!"

I swallowed thickly and led Danny to where it was a little less crowded and told him my worries. 

At the end, he pursed his lips and looked over to where I pointed. 

"I guess it's suspicious... But maybe the bulb just blew?"

"Maybe," I said. "I just got this feeling..."

He patted my shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. They wouldn't have let him in if he was dangerous."

I forced a smile and nodded. "You're probably right. Thank you. Uh, I'm going to get some water. See you later?"

He nodded. "Yep, catch you later."

I squeezed past people and chairs, intent on seeing how Head was getting on. 

On the way past Teacher I heard him whoop: "Haha! You've landed on Bash Street with four hotels! Cough up!"

"If Devin hadn't made me promise I'd play fair..." Roger grumbled, starting to count out the paper money. "Are you cheating, teacher?"

"No..."

Roger huffed and handed over the money. 

Teacher split it into his cash piles and rubbed his fingers together. "Now to build on Ball Boy's pitch!"

I didn't have to walk further - Head pushed past me and tapped Teacher's shoulder. I noticed he was missing his usual bright red bow tie and his black silk waistcoat. "Quickly," Head said in a low voice. "Let's go!"

"What? Why? I was just winning!" Teacher complained. "And where's your waistcoat? And your tie?"

Head pulled Teacher towards a door and into the quiet corridor. I hurried after them as casually as I could and wedged my toe in the gap - before the door closed behind the two - pressing my ear to the crack. 

"That little man I was playing with is some sort of tiddlywink gangster!" Head said in a hushed voice. 

I held back a frustrated yell as I realised I had been right all along. 

Teacher gasped. "But you're a champion tiddlywinker!"

"I know," Head agreed solemnly. "Somehow he tiddled all over my winks! First he made me think I was really good, letting me win every time. Then I started losing and the bets got bigger and bigger..." His voice shook. "Oh, I'm so ashamed!"

A bad feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. 

"How much did you lose?" Teacher asked. "Ten? Twenty? A hundred?"

"The school!" Head wailed. 

The unpleasant feeling in my stomach escalated rapidly until I felt like I was about to be sick. The school?! He lost a bet on the school?!

"Break it to the pupils gently," Head begged. 

"I-I'll do my best," Teacher promised shakily. 

I backed away from the door, almost bumping into a stall. It was Daisy and Ernest's, and Ernest stopped talking when Daisy asked if I was alright.

"Uh... yeah. Fine, thanks," I said. My voice trembled a little but I just about managed to hold it together. 

"My radiant Daisy, how thoughtful you are to ask!"

She hit him over the head. "Stop trying to woo me, you turkey! We've been married four years!"

I retreated from the couple and stood still to regain my bearings. In the middle of such a bustling room I almost felt like everything was spinning around me. 

The school. The school. The school. 

"Erica?"

I didn't even realise I'd closed my eyes until I opened them. I came face to face with Danny - why was it always him that found me with my eyes shut? - and he studied me with a concerned expression. 

"We need to talk," I blurted. 

He frowned. "But I thought-"

"Now."

He nodded his comprehension and his hand reached out for nine. Before I even had time to recite: palm to palm is holy palmers'-, he had drawn me through the sea of people towards the exit. I barely registered the odd glances and the chill of the cold night air as we left - all I could feel was his hand and the curling of my stomach. 

Outside he stopped, and he gently pulled me towards him. 

"What happened?" He asked softly, his eyes flitting over my face. 

"I was right. Head, he- He said-" I faltered, and broke eye contact. "He said he bet the school."

Danny was silent. Then: "And he lost the bet?"

I nodded slightly. 

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Erica, you're shivering." 

He stepped forwards to clasp my upper arms, but collided with my hands when I put them up to stop him. 

"Your fingers are freezing," he commented. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Look. Don't worry about it. It's probably just a ruse-"

I curled my fingers around his. "It's not," I bemoaned. "I heard Head and Teacher say it themselves."

He gave my fingers a light squeeze. "Then, no school for us. Result, right?"

I almost went to correct him - no school, no exam results - but I didn't want an argument over the importance of school. I just wanted to go home and sleep. 

Danny offered to walk me home, but since my house was the opposite way to his I waved him off and promised I'd be fine. 

"Compromise," he offered. "I'll give you my number so you can text me when you get back."

I gave him a faint smile. "Sneaky..."

"What?"

"Getting my number," I answered with a tiny smile. 

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not trying to be suave. I'll type it in if you want."

He passed my phone back to me. "Please remember to text. Otherwise I'm going to get Bones to track you down."

"Bones..?"

"My dog."

"Oh. Okay. I'll text."

Fifteen minutes of walking (and some staggering) later, I got home, and I opened up my contacts to send Danny a message. Unsurprisingly, he had set himself up as 'Danny☠️' and I sent him a quick 'I'm home. Not dead.' message and crashed onto my bed. 

***

I didn't quite know what to do when I got to Bash Street the next day. No one was panicking. One look at Danny indicated why - he stared at me until I made eye contact, and he then pointed to his phone. 

I nodded and slipped mine out of my bag, holding it underneath the desk. 

THREE NEW MESSAGES

Danny☠️: please don't tell the others

Danny☠️: just in case it's not true

Danny☠️: not that I'm doubting you or anything

Me: Don't worry, I won't tell. 

Danny☠️: thanks

When Teacher entered the classroom seconds later, he half-heartedly berated Danny for having his phone out before addressing the class. "Good morning, class," he said loudly over the chatter. "Now, I have a bit of bad news." 

No one reacted; they were all too busy with their own conversations. 

"This is going to be harder than I thought," he said. "Tell you what, it's such a nice day, let's forget about work and go outside!"

Now that they did hear. "Well, alright!" Spotty shrugged, before bolting out of the room, followed by the rest of them. 

Danny held back and fell into step next to me, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. 

He glanced sideways at me. "You don't think the 'bad news' was-"

"Almost certainly," I answered. 

His shoulders slumped. 

"Why don't we all stop and take in the beauty of nature?" Teacher said. "Trees-"

"Boring!" Fatty intoned. 

"Fields..." Plug groaned. 

Sidney yawned in an exaggerated manner. 

"The school being demolished..." Teacher sighed. 

This time they did pay attention. There was a chorus of questions and exclamations, and then a series of jubilant cries and fist pumping. 

"No more school!" Spotty cried joyfully. 

"No more homework," Plug added. 

Sidney grinned. "No more teacher!"

Teacher glowered at him. "Oh yes, very funny. And what are me and head supposed to do for a job?"

Spotty shrugged. "Well, McBeano is hiring..."

Teacher opened his mouth, then shut it. "I can't give you detention if you can't turn up for it," he said miserably. 

Everyone started to tell everyone else about what they would do with their spare time. 

"I'm going to spend all day on the PlayStation!" Danny announced. 

"I can skateboard forever!" Wilfred said, with a real smile. 

Sidney threw his hands into the air, nearly whacking a stunned Toots in the face. "I'm going to play football until my legs break!"

Toots recovered quickly, and actually whacked her brother. 

"And I won't get my A," I said quietly. 

"I'm sure it'll be fine." I glanced up at Danny, who had migrated to stand in front of me. "They have to give it to you - it's not like you could complete it, the school's shut down!"

Toots, who had obviously been listening, piped up. "Here, I've got an idea - why don't you go to St Asbos to get your A?"

Spotty's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No way! They'll tear her up!"

"Hm," I said, mulling it over. "I suppose I could suggest it to my teacher..."

Sidney muscled past Plug to get into the conversation. "Spotty's not kidding, they would literally tear you up - hey!" He yelled in protest as Toots poked his side (right between his last rib and his hip bone, when the nerves are) and caused him to double over as a reflex. 

"Shush, Sid," Toots instructed. She turned to me with a smile. "I bet Asbos'd be happy to have you."

I returned her smile. "They'd be happy to have you guys too, I think."

Fatty's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "What? Why?"

I let my gaze sweep around the group. "You do know you'll have to transfer soon, right?"

"To St Asbos?" Spotty asked incredulously. 

I inclined my head. "Or Beanotown High..."

Plug's jaw dropped. "We can't go there!" He protested. "The All Stars'll never leave us alone!"

"I'm sure they'll be fine. They're a nice lot, if you keep out of their way," I responded. 

Sidney shivered. "I barely remember our last game..."

Toots scoffed. "Yeah, because Dennis knocked you out like a light!"

"Minnie used my tie to trip everyone else up," Spotty complained, "and then she tied me with it!"

Fatty nodded keenly. "And Roger tripped me up and used me as a step to header the ball. I had bruises on my stomach for weeks!"

"Well, Roger's reformed, at least," I said. 

"Problem is, they already hate us. They'll pick us out," Danny stated. 

"Danny loves Dennis!" Smiffy piped up. 

Danny sighed. "He means 'hates'."

I tilted my head curiously. "Why?"

Plug barked a laugh. "Those two have had a rivalry for years. What even started it, again?"

Danny's eyebrows knitted in deep thought. "Erm... I can't remember. All I know is, he can't resist a fight with me."

"Perhaps you could go in disguise," I suggested. 

Spotty jabbed a thumb at plug. "Have you got enough makeup to disguise this one?"

"Hey!" Plug cried indignantly. 

"I suppose you're all too recognisable, I conceded. "You'll just have to... placate them."

"How?"

"I don't know." I glanced down a my watch. "Look, I need to go tell my teacher the bad news. I'll see you all later."

Danny gave me a small wave. "Bye then, Erica."

As soon as I turned my back I heard Spotty say: "Hear that? She said 'bad news'! That means she doesn't want to leave!"

"I hope she doesn't come back," Toots said loudly. 

"Why not? She's nice," Plug said. 

"Yeah, exactly!"

"Are you jealous, sis?" Sidney asked knowingly. 

"No," Toots denied quickly. But she's making you lot soft."

"Oh, yeah?" Spotty challenged. 

"Yeah! Hey! Ow! What was that?"

"A 'soft' punch!" Spotty snickered. "Want me to punch you harder?"

***

A week had passed since the closure of Bash Street School. My teacher immediately brought me back into classes at Beanotown High; I hadn't seen anyone from Bash Street since I said goodbye to them. 

Now, being in a traditional school setting seemed even duller than usual, and I found myself listening in to people's conversations more. 

"Have you heard? Bash Street School has been sold! Apparently they'll need to transfer here."

The rumours flitting around the school were grating on my nerves. Those who knew about my brief transfer repeatedly asked me for details. All I could think about was how miserable they said they would be if they came here. 

But what could be done? It had already changed hands, and metal fence had gone up around it. 

"You know, I heard Baby-Face Finlayson bought it. Such a shame."

Bought? More like swindled!

In the row in front of me, a girl with light brown hair froze. Her back became ram-rod straight and she turned to the speaker. 

"Baby-Face Finlayson?" She asked slowly. 

"Yeah, that's what I just said. Just last week actually!"

Devin nodded and turned back to her work, but couldn't help but notice her stiff posture and the fist she made around her pen. 

Perhaps she knew something I didn't about the little man?

At the end of class, I packed my things and tapped the girl on the shoulder. 

"Devin? Could I talk to you for a minute?"

She blinked, startled, then she glanced at the Teacher, who was most definitely listening in. 

"Outside?" Devin asked. 

"Yeah, let's go."

I strode ahead and held the door open for her, and stepped just aside from the outside o the door. I checked that the door closed properly before I posed my question. 

"What do you know about Baby-Face Finlayson?"

I seemed to catch her off guard. Surprise flitted over her features, followed by anger and some unease. 

"Why do you want to know?" She asked carefully. 

I decided to come straight with her. "I have some friends at Bash Street. Baby-Face conned Head into betting the school in a game. I was wondering if you knew of anything that might persuade him to return it?"

A dark look brewed in her eyes. "Knowing Baby-Face, he would have done anything to get his hands on it. Even cheat."

"But how do you cheat in a game of tiddlywinks?"

"Tiddlywinks? I don't know-"

"Devin?" We both turned to see Roger jogging towards us. "Sorry, I got a little on edge when you didn't turn up. Have you heard?"

"I have," she affirmed. "Erica here was just asking me about it."

He turned his eyes on me. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I've got some friends in Bash Street an I wanted to see if I could help them get the school back."

Roger raised an eyebrow. "Friends? With people from Bash Street?"

I squared m shoulder. "Yes. I there a problem with that?"

Roger shook his head. "No."

"So what do you know about Baby-Face that might help?"

"Well, you won't get it back from Baby-Face, that's for sure. If he's got it, he won't let it go. He's a swizzler and a cheat."

Devin nudged him playfully. "Not as much as you with that machine though, huh?"

"Hey! I've been being good!" He protested. "Didn't I admit defeat to Teacher at Monopoly, at the Big Game Fair?" He asked me. 

"He did."

"See? I've been playing fair!"

Devin pursed her lips in mock thought. "I'll believe you, but only because of your witness..."

Roger looked at me, all playfulness from his interaction with Devin replaced with ultimate seriousness. "A word to the wise, though; avoid Baby-Face. We might've got away with it, but he'll be careful this time. He won't want to lose his prize."

They got away with what? Perhaps I'll do some digging after all this is over. 

I smiled wryly. "Oh, I intend to be careful. Thanks for the help, guys." 

I said goodbye and skirted around the two, making for my locker. 

"Just remember, he's not scared to cheat!" Devin called after me. 

Cheat. Cheat. CHEAT!

I stopped dead in my tracks. 

How would he have won against Head, the tiddlywink champion, if he didn't cheat? 

I needed to get a look at Baby-Face's tiddlywink set. 

I knew just what to do now.

I made a beeline for the office, telling them I had a dentist appointment and I was sorry I didn't have a note. They let me out on the grounds that I'd never done it before and warned me to have a note from my parents next time. 

If I were a Bash Street Kid, where would I hang out?

The river. 

I began to run - then fast walk, because God knows I get a stitch easily. 

Sure enough, they were all say by the river, looking surprisingly bored. 

"Hey, guys!" I said as I approached. 

Danny was the first to turn around. "Erica? What are you doing back here?"

Spotty looked eagerly around his friends. See? I told you she loves us!"

"Er- actually," I said, "I'm back because I think you should talk to the new owner. Maybe you could persuade him into giving back the school."

"Per swede?" Smiffy asked. 

'Erbert looked about. "What swede?"

"Do we even want the school back?" Toots asked dubiously, stretching her face towards the sun. 

"I miss it," Sidney announced. 

"I miss it too," Fatty admitted. 

A series of agreements followed. 

Smiffy smiled brightly. "I miss the toilet sometimes, but I'm getting better!"

Danny surveyed the group and then nodded at me. "I suppose it's worth a try. But how do we get in?"

I didn't have an answer. Neither did anyone else, for that matter. 

"You're all useless!" Toots suddenly exclaimed. "Let's just ask!"

Which is how we found ourselves outside Bash Street School at ten o'clock in the morning. 

The school was entirely surrounded by blue hoarding. Barbed wire decorated the tops, and a man was screwing several yellow KEEP OUT signs to the sides. 

"Well, this is welcoming," Sidney muttered. 

"Here, you!" Toots said to the man. "Who's in charge here?"

The man shuddered. "The boss! But nobody talks to him - he's dangerous!"

Toots scowled. "Nobody scares us! How do we get to speak to him?"

The man pointed to a blue door set into the hoarding, decorated with a plethora of threats. 

"Through there. Press the button and ask to be let in."

Toots marched up to it, with the rest of us clustering around her. Jabbing her finger on the button, she said: "Here, boss, we want a word!"

She glared into the camera and the door opened. 

I smiled. Step one complete; I was in. 

We made our way to Head's office. 

"Remember, let me do most of the talking," Danny instructed. 

He knocked once. 

"Come in, I've been expecting you!" A high, grating voice said. 

We went in. 

The man sitting at the desk could hardly be called a man. He was small, with a round face, beady eyes, and a permanent scowl. Despite his unusual appearance, an aura of malice and calculation surrounded him. 

"Please, allow me to introduce myself," he said. "The name's Finlayson - Baby-Face Finlayson!"

Cuthbert's eyes widened. "You!"

Baby-Face grinned in satisfaction pleased at being recognised. "Yes, me! The meanest gangster around!"

"You took our school unfairly," Danny accused. 

"Fairly, actually," Baby-Face corrected. 

"You didn't buy it, so I say that's not fair!"

Baby-Face raised an eyebrow and held out a red tiddlywink. "Head bet it, and I won it. Fair and square. Don't challenge me!"

"But... Why close it down?" Fatty asked. 

Baby-Face curled his lips into an evil smile. "Because I have plans for Bash Street! I'm going to turn it... Into an abattoir!"

"That's nothing to do with the group ABBA, is it?" 'Erbert whispered, but it was loud enough to be heard. 

"No!" Baby-Face exclaimed. "I'm going to turn it into a factory! The sheep will be grown in very very small indoor pens, the mincer will dice them up, and bish bash bosh- add some pastry and you've got Finlayson pies!"

He gestured to the window, which had a nice view of Beanotown. "And I needn't stop with sheep," he continued. "I can see a nice pig in Dennis the Menace's garden! And look, some yummy yummy doggies out for walkies! Cackle!"

Danny pointed a finger at Baby-Face with a hardened jaw. "You fiend! We will stop you!"

Baby-Face stopped smiling. "Stop me? How?" He cackled darkly. "Nobody can stop the meanest gangster in town! BABY. FACE. FINLAYSON!"

With each of his last words he flipped his tiddlywink up in the air, catching it perfectly each time. For effect, he slammed it on the table after his final word. 

"Cuthbert," I murmured quietly in an aside. "Did you... did you see that?"

"See what?" Cuthbert asked. 

I shook my head, my eyes still on that tiddlywink. "Never mind."

I stepped to the front of the group. "Here, Finlayson! Cuthbert'll play you at tiddlywinks! Double or quits!"

Gasps were heard, and someone grabbed my wrist. I shook them off and faced Baby-Face's intrigued expression square on. 

"Double or quits?" He asked. 

I nodded. "Yes. If you win, you can have my parents' house."

Baby-Face broke into a smug grin. "You're on! We play tiddlywinks at high noon!"

Once we were all outside, I got a barrage of questions. 

"You're getting Cuthbert to play Baby-Face Finlayson at tiddlywinks, double or quits?" Plug asked incredulously. 

Sidney shook his head. "You're more nuts than Smiffy!"

"Baby-Face beat the head!" Spotty pointed out. "And the head's a tiddlywink grand master!"

I smirked. "That doesn't matter. Baby-Face cheated, and I've worked out how."

They stopped protesting, and surveyed me with interest. 

"His tiddlywink is metal inside and he's directing it with a magnet in his ring," I explained. 

Silence. Then: "You genius!"

"So, Cuthbert," I said, "if you conceal a electromagnet on your person..."

Cuthbert smiled. "His winks will tiddle all over the place!"

I couldn't stop myself for grinning. This could work. We could do this. 

"We're going to get the school back!" Sidney shouted. 

"Why not play him yourself if you're so clever?" Toots asked sourly. 

I shrugged. "I can't flip to save my life. The science part was easy. Flipping tiddlywinks is impossible!"

"But why me?" Cuthbert asked. 

I tilted my head. "Didn't you win against Walter last year?"

Cuthbert nodded. "Yes, I did!"

Danny looked between Cuthbert and I curiously. "I didn't know that!"

"Bad job!" Smiffy cried. 

I shrugged again. "One of the benefits of paying attention, I guess. We need to go get ready - we've got less than two hours left."

"My shed?" Plug offered. 

"I'm going home to get an electromagnet," Cuthbert announced. 

Before I could follow everyone else, Danny caught my arm. 

"Erica, are you sure you're right?" He asked. 

I frowned. "Yes, of course I am. Why?

He looked away and swallowed thickly. I watched his Adam's apple bob before his gaze turned fully back on me. 

"I mean, if it doesn't work you're going to lose your house," he explained. 

"I didn't think it was like you to worry about something like that," I said without thinking. 

"Really."

My eyes widened. "Not like that. Just... Forget I said anything. And don't worry about it. I'm pretty sure it'll work."

***

At Plug's house we set up base in a large shed outside, which apparently was frequently used for this kind of meeting - it was largely empty, except for nine chairs and a table. 

"Hidden electro-magnet concealed in your cuff-link?" I asked Cuthbert. 

"Check!"

"Is the toe activated remote control in your shoe working?"

Cuthbert wiggled his foot. "It 'shoe' is!"

Danny patted Cuthbert's shoulder. "So Baby-Face's trick tiddlywink will be fooled every time!"

"And all you have to do is flip your tiddlywinks on target," Toots said. 

Cuthbert checked his watch. "Right! I'm ready... Let's tiddlywink!"

"I really hope this works," I muttered to myself. Upon seeing the instruments of my harebrained scheme, doubt began to eat away at my confidence. 

"Why wouldn't it?"

I turned sharply. Of course, Danny was close enough to hear me. When did he ever stray from my side, lately? 

"Well, anything could happen. Cuthbert could miss, the batteries might run out... I might be wrong about it all..."

Danny's eyes gleamed. "No one can beat the Head without cheating, I promise you."

"But-"

"Shh." He put a finger to my lips. My eyes widened, and he pulled away quickly. "Um... Sorry."

"Uh... It's okay," I blurted. 

"Look," he said, rubbing his neck, "If you're still worried about it, I promise give you something extra special when we win back the school."

I gave his a one-sided smile. "Something extra special?"

He grinned. "Yep."

Was he being serious? 

Did he really have that much confidence in me?

What do I have to lose?

"Alright then."

"Come on," Danny said, beginning to walk. "We'd better go or we'll miss it!"

When we got to where the others had stopped outside the door, Spotty cast a suspicious eye over us. "Where've you guys been?"

"Just talking," I replied. 

"Oh, really?" smirked Plug. 

"Yes, really." Danny pushed to the front. "Will you shut up about that?"

Plug snorted. "Sorry. But it's just so funny-"

"Plug," Fatty warned. 

"Sorry."

The game was intense, but Cuthbert didn't let me down.  Each of his flips was perfect, while Baby-Face's careened all over the place. 

"Just this one final tiddlywink to win the game," I muttered, fiddling with the hem of my jumper. "Come on, come on..."

Cheers ran out even before Cuthbert's last tiddlywink ker-clacked into the cup. 

We'd won. 

Baby-Face stared, slack-jawed. "How- how?"

Danny marched up to him and held out his hand. "The deeds, please."

Baby-Face scowled. "Here, take your stupid school back! I never wanted it anyway!"

"Thanks muchly."

Baby-Face glowered and turned to go. "You may have won this time... But you've not seen the last of Baby-Face Finlayson!"

He left in a huff, not unlike a small child throwing a tantrum. 

The next few minutes were blurred euphoria. Claps on the back, congratulations, and we surged into the schoolyard. 

Toots and Sidney left to fetch Teacher and Head back from St Asbos, everyone else left for home - only just realising that their freedom was now limited, and suddenly finding things they wanted to do with it. 

Finally, it was just us. 

Me and Danny. 

Danny and me. 

His smile widened. "Well done you, Erica."

I shrugged. "Thanks. But it was mostly Cuthbert."

"But the match wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for your quick thinking!" He reminded. 

"I guess. But I wouldn't have been able to play, so..."

Danny cocked his head with a grin. "Call it half and half, then."

"I suppose I could live with that," I conceded lightly. 

We were quiet for a few moments. I turned to look back at the school. 

Had I really just helped to reclaim it from a gangster?

More like a baby, I thought. 

"Do you remember," Danny said softly, "when I said that I'd give you that extra special surprise if we won the school back?"

"Yeah, why?" I answered automatically. Then his words ran through my head and I turned to him with a curious expression. "Oh, what is it?"

"This."

My eyes bugged as his hand cupped my cheek and he slanted his lips over my own. My mind was floundering, but my body seemed to know what to do - I tangled my fingers into his hair and drew him closer, until there was no space left between us and I could feel the erratic beat of his heart against my chest. My lips were firm against his, but the kiss remained soft, gentle, slow.

Reluctantly I pulled away, leaving only a few inches between us - though it felt like miles. 

"Whoa." I blinked. "What- wow."

Danny smiled softly, equally astounded. "I know, right?"

"Why?"

His face fell, and I raced to cover myself. 

"I mean... Just- Why kiss me?"

He shook his head, a frown etched into his forehead. "I thought it was obvious. I really like you, Erica." I sucked in a breath. "Sorry, I should've asked-"

I stood on my toes and pressed a short, sweet kiss to his lips. When I withdrew, he was watching me as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. 

"There," I said. "Now we're even."

He let out a hollow laugh. "I owe you a lot more for what you've done for us."

I put my hand on his shoulders and gave him a smile laced with a healthy dose of happiness. "Then," I whispered against his cheek, "maybe you'd better start repaying me."

 

Word count: 12,413


	3. Dennis The Menace x OC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this one’s a little different to the previous chapters - the POV switches about, so pay attention to the name in CAPITALS at the start of each section!

RILEY

Beanotown high was buzzing; which was surprising, since it was a Saturday, but unsurprising when the banner overhead denoted the cause: DOG SHOW. 

I was positive I would get a place on that podium. My little brown terrier Trixie might not be beautiful, but she was smart. 

Then again, I thought as I walked through the gates to join the crowd, she's not as smart as Gnasher. 

People of all ages lined the edges of the stage and obstacle course. I pushed my way to the contestants area, Trixie in tow, and stopped in front of the stage. 

The headmaster cleared his threat importantly, and everyone became silent. I eyed the side of the stage, where a large object was covered by a blue cloth. 

"And as your headmaster," he said, "it gives me great pleasure to pronounce this 13th annual dog show: open!"

A chorus of clapping ensued, and I bent down to pat Trixie's head. 

"Alright, Trixie, time to strut your stuff!" I grinned. She nosed my hand and pawed the ground excitedly. 

"So without any further ado, lets find out who's going to take home..."The headmaster whipped the cloth off to reveal: "The Pear Sound System with built in karaoke!"

"Me and Gnasher can beat anyone!" Dennis said loudly, somewhere to my right. 

That's what I'm afraid of. 

"Except for me and my dog, Foo-Foo!" Walter replied poshly. 

I'm more afraid of that, though. 

"Or me and my dog Polly!"

I looked around - Pie-Face had a parrot on his shoulder and looked mightily pleased with it. 

"Pie-Face," Dennis groaned. "That's not a dog, it's a parrot."

"Yeah, but he does impressions!" Pie-Face argued. 

As if to prove his point, Polly cawed a semi-doglike sound. 

"That's cheating!" Walter said, stomping his foot. "You're disqualified."

Pie-Face's shoulders drooped. "I hope they're not this tough at the cat show."

"By the way, Dennis, is that a dog or did you decide to take the trash out for a walk?" Walter sneered. 

Dennis scowled and poked a finger in Walter's chest. "Pedal off, poodle boy! Gnasher is the doggiest dog in the contest." 

Walter scoffed and walked away, guffawing loudly. 

"And just to make sure, I've brought along a little incentive! A tasty tripe-hound treat for every trick performed like an ordinary dog," Dennis said to Gnasher. He opened up the box of treats and winced. "Cor, yuck! They might smell horrible... But I know it's the scent of victory!"

I frowned and turned away. 

Perhaps I'll manage second place. 

We all paraded around the central area, our dogs performing tricks such as 'sit' and 'heel'. Trixie performed perfectly, of course, and I scratched behind her ear as a reward. 

Others, however, were give far less fair rewards. I could smell Gnasher's Tripe Hound Treats from here, and, if I wasn't mistaken, Walter was feeding Foo-Foo bits of meringue in front of me. 

"Play dead!" The headmaster bellowed. 

I sighed. This was one trick Trixie couldn't master. She sat confusedly, gazing up at me with utter adoration and little comprehension while I tried to coax her onto her side

"Great, Gnasher! Really average!" I heard Dennis praise.

If he'd done it, and Walter had done it, I would be getting bronze, if that. 

The obstacle course went swimmingly - literally. Trixie knew exactly what to do and went through the tube, over the see-saw, down the slide into the pool and swam to the opposite side. 

Foo-Foo, unsurprisingly, refused to go down the slide into the water and ruin his coat. 

Gnasher, surprisingly, was too big to go through the small-dog pipe. 

"Maybe you should cut down on those treats," I muttered with a smile. 

"Bigger than big, and newer than new! The Pleasant Park Mega Mall is open to you!"

A large van with a mega horn drove past the school gates slowly, blaring out the slogan. People stopped what they were doing to listen, and then started talking excitedly. 

"A new shopping mall?"

"In our town?"

I never noticed anybody building one, I thought. 

"It's got miles of ailes, and billions of bargains!"

"I've got to get down there!"

"I'm going to shop 'til I drop!"

"Come on, Dennis! Lets check it out!" Curly shouted. 

Within two minutes, the school was empty. Even the teachers had deserted their posts - it was just me, standing in the middle, with Trixie blinking up at me, bewildered. "Huh," I said. "I guess I'll just go home, then."

***

DENNIS

The mega mall was huge. All glass and steel and coloured lights, it looked like something out of a movie. That is to say, cool. 

The two bouncers on the door were welcoming people in pretty stiffly, and Curly and Pie-Face ran in ahead of me. 

"Welcome. To the mega. Mall."

"Have a nice. Shop."

"Everyone. Is welcome. Except you."

The bouncer on the left stuck out his arm lightning fast and I almost skidded into it. 

"And what's wrong with me?" I asked shortly, glaring between the two. 

Don't they know who I am?

"No. Dogs. Allowed."

I folded my arms indignantly. "I'm not a dog!"

"That's. Debatable. But that. Definitely is." 

I turned around and my shoulders sagged when I saw Gnasher bounding towards me. 

"You can only. Come in. If you leave that. Outside."

What's more important? A boys best friend, or a new shopping mall? 

It didn't take me long to decide. Gnasher's puppy-dog eyes get me every time. 

"You can keep your rotten mall!" I turned away dismissively. "Come on Gnasher, lets go hang out around the small shops."

I only glanced back once, longing tugging at me. It looks so new and exciting...

I tried not to think about what I'm missing out on. Perhaps Curly and Pie-Face will pick up a new mega blaster for me. 

The streets were oddly deserted. A plastic shopping bag blowed down the street, and nearly all of the cars were gone. 

As we walked, I noticed most of the shops had their metal grilles pulled down over their glass fronts. 

Gnasher began to whine. 

The stationers was open (run by old Mrs Wilcott) but I didn't fancy trawling through books. Similarly, the library's doors were ajar, but from the looks of things it was more of an accident than an invitation; not a soul stirred inside. 

Finally, we came across a shop worth going into. Beanotown Bakery's door wasn't open, but the window was, and enticing sweet smells curled around me like they were beckoning me inside. 

The girl at the counter looked up sharply as Gnasher and I walked in, a tiny bell heralding our entry. She was brunette, and she was in the process of eating a triple chocolate muffin when we arrived. 

She placed it down reverently and wiped her hands on her red apron. Her red nail polish almost blended in. 

"Dennis," she greeted. "Didn't you want to go to the mega mall?"

I smiled ruefully and glanced down at Gnasher, who already had his paws up on the glass and his eye on the goodies. "They won't allow dogs," I explained simply. "Can I have a donut?"

She glanced outside and took in the deserted street. "I guess."

She took out the tongs and smoothed her long brown hair over her shoulder. She dropped my donut into a paper bag and held it out to me - was that holographic red nail polish?

I took the bag. "Thanks." I eyed the pile behind the glass and then Gnasher, who was sending me the puppy-dog eyes again. "Actually, make that two."

She raised an eyebrow and pointed the tongs at me. "Are you going to pay for the second one?"

I blinked. "Oh? Yeah, I suppose." I dug around in my pocket and pulled out some change, placing it on the counter with a clatter. "Here."

She counted out the change and pushed the rest back at me. 

"I was going to pay for the first too," I said. 

She smiled and waved me off. "You're my first customer today. In fact, you were lucky to have caught me – I was just closing."

I frowned and resisted the urge to eat while I was talking (the donut looked and smelled so good, but I was not a dog - unlike Gnasher, who had scoffed his already). "Doesn't anyone want cakes today?"

She shook her head with a sigh. "Nobody wants anything from the old shops today. Everyones too busy spending their money in that new shopping centre."

I eyed her speculatively. Which begs the question... "Why aren't you up there?"

She shrugged. "Too busy - I usually decorate the cakes while mum mans the till in the afternoons."

"Fair enough," I replied. 

She glanced out the window again, and her eyes widened. "Dennis?" She said. "You might want to take a look outside."

I poked my head out of the door, the tinkling bell going off right above my head. Gnasher squeezed past my legs to see too. 

It was mum and dad - but somehow they weren't walking right. Their arms were full of stuff and they were muttering things. 

"What are they holding?" The girl asked, abandoning her place by the window and peering over my shoulder instead. She put her hand on my shoulder to keep her balance as she rose onto her toes, and I wondered candidly when the last time anyone touched me so easily was, whether it be a brush of shoulders in the corridor or an accidental grazing of fingers when going for the same piece of paper. 

I couldn't remember. 

Mum and dad were closer now. I was right; they were walking weirdly. In their arms were piled a mountain of what looked like... Junk, to be honest. 

"Look at all the amazing bargains we've just bought in the mega mall," Mum said to no one in particular. 

"I cant wait to get back to buy even more stuff," Dad replied. 

I cocked an eyebrow. "Stuff is right!" I went over to them, but they didn't even acknowledge my presence, and I had to walk at the same pace to look at the boxes in their arms. "A motorised sock rack?" I asked incredulously. "Left handed pencils? Little lawn mowers for window boxes?What's gotten into you?"

Dad opened his mouth. "Life will be so much easier with all these new innovations!" He proclaimed. "I must withdraw all our savings and buy more!"

"We must buy lots more!" Mum added. 

I glanced back at the bakery girl. Her mouth was covered by her hand in shock, and her eyes were bugging. I was glad it wasn't just me who was finding this weird. 

Something about the way they talked reminded me of those bouncers. Almost... Mechanical. 

"There's something strange going on at that mall, Gnasher," I said. "And were going to find out what."

"Um, can I come too?"

I glance back at her. That shocked expression was gone, replaced with hardened determination and a lifted chin. 

I thought about it. Gnasher nudged my leg in her direction. 

"Sure," I said, "if you're good at sneaking about."

She beamed. "Good?" She asked with a small laugh. "I'm excellent!"

I surprised myself by smiling too, rather than raising my usual eyebrow. "Great. Lets go."

***

RILEY

I closed the bakery door and locked it, but didn't bother pulling the grille down. Mum would be furious, except she'd gone to the mall along with everyone else.

The journey to the mall was a short one. Dennis ate his donut as we fast-walked up the street, and I inwardly bemoaned leaving behind my chocolate muffin. 

As we got closer to the mall, we saw more people. Dennis an I exchanged worried glances as we heard them spouting the same kind of things his parents had prattled on about. The ones going in the same direction as us had arms laden with money, and the ones going the other way had their arms, bags (and, in one case, an upturned umbrella) filled with inventions that would really only be used once in a blue moon. 

"Come on," Dennis said as we neared the entrance. "Those buffoons won't let Gnasher inside. We'll sneak in the back."

Gnasher took the lead, and we circled the building, but there didn't seem to be any entrances. 

"This is useless. We'll never get in at this rate," Dennis huffed. "Gnasher, you might just have to stay outside. 

Gnasher whined. 

I turned my gaze skywards, and my eye caught an irregularity in the structure. 

"What about that vent?"

"Vent? Brilliant!" Dennis held his hand up. When I high-fived him, it stung. 

"The truth is in here somewhere," Dennis mused. "Just how to get up there." He eyed me speculatively. "Any good at giving shoulder rides?"

I shook my head quickly. "No, definitely not."

He shrugged. "Then you'll have to go first. Climb on my shoulders."

My eyes widened in disbelief. "As if! I'm not about to-"

"Riley."

I startled, and ended up staring at his smirk. 

He knows my name he knows my name he knows-

"Trust me."

And I did. 

He put his back against the wall and bent his knee, and I used his thigh as a step to climb up on his shoulders. He straightened up and held my calves while I pried at the vent. 

It came away in my fingers - I bet they thought no one would be breaking in like this! - and I hauled myself up into the relatively large vent. 

Immediately it smelt like dust, chlorine and tangy metal. I wrinkled my nose and turned around, back to the entrance, and put my arms down to take Gnasher from Dennis. 

Surprisingly, Gnasher didn't gnash my arm off as soon as I touched him. I closed my fingers around his middle and pulled the (heavy) dog up into the vent with me, before putting a hand down to help Dennis up. 

He took a running jump and cleared most of the wall before latching onto my hand. My arm was nearly wrenched out of it's socket, and I braced my other hand against the wall. 

I only had to pull a couple of inches before his fingers grasped the cill and he pulled himself up. I scrambled backwards as he entered, glad that it was dark so he couldn't see me massaging my arm or my admiration of his upper-body strength. 

His voice cut through the blanket of darkness like a hot knife through Camembert. "After you."

"Just like the movies," I muttered, turning on my phone to use as a light. It cast an eerie blue glow over the both of us, and I gave him a curt nod before turning around and following Gnasher into the gloom. 

At the first fork, I paused, unsure of which was to go, but then faint, muffled notes reached my ears. 

"What's the matter?" Dennis asked behind me when his hand collided with my foot. "Why've we-"

"Shh," I commanded. "Do you hear that?"

"What?" He asked. 

"Music," I said softly, my ears straining. 

I picked the left path and followed it until I came across a T junction with a grille in the middle of the floor. I carefully picked my way over the grille, but Dennis caught my foot. 

"It's Curly down there!" He hissed. "Look!"

I turned around awkwardly in the small space and peered through the metal mesh at the scene below. 

We weren't high up at all, so I could hear the two talking as loud as day. 

"Cur-ly," Pie-Face said. "I love this thing."

"Me too, Pie-Face," Curly replied. His inflections were all in the wrong places, so the wrong syllables were emphasised. "What is it?"

Pie-Face's expression didn't change. "I have no idea, but I need another seven. Let's go home and smash our piggybanks."

"Then we can buy one of those automatic piggy bank smashers," Curly replied monotonously. 

"Perhaps they will take my parrot in part exchange," Pie-Face mused as they wandered away from our grille. 

I glanced up at Dennis, who seemed troubled. "Well," he said slowly, "looks as though we're the only sane people left in this town."

I was about to reply with something optimistic, but a noise interrupted me. Maniacal laughter echoed hauntingly in the vent, and I cocked my head in it's direction. Dennis nodded silently and Gnasher led the way, me crawling behind.

I kept going, learning not to flinch at the feel of the occasional fluff under my fingers. The next vent wasn't right, so we shuffled along to the one just before the bend, with a large grille in the wall. I gasped at the sight inside. 

A small man with a squat hat and a wild-west style outfit sat in the chair in the middle. He spun a gun lazily around his fingers, glancing obsessively at the screens that covered an entire wall - all showing images of the zombie-like shoppers. 

A crazed, taller man was bustling about the shelves that lines the other walls, muttering to himself and every so often adjusting his hat - a miniaturised umbrella - over his ectoplasm-green hair. 

***

DENNIS

Riley stopped in front of me, and stayed there for a few seconds. I patted her foot and hissed: "What's going on?"

She shushed me quietly and pressed herself against the wall so I could squeeze up beside her. It was a tight fit, side-by-side on our knees in an air vent, but somehow we managed it by me having one hand on the floor and the other resting lightly on her back. Her bakery uniform blouse was soft against my hand, and I didn't dare adjust it in case I fell flat on my face and gave us away. 

"This is all work of your standard evil villain," I muttered, looking at the small man with the big smirk. 

"He's got a gun, Dennis," Riley said agitatedly. I could feel her spine tense. "We should go-"

The maniac with the green hair held up a sock rack and turned it on so it spun. His eyes lit up with excitement as he watched the socks whirl. 

"Or maybe not so standard villain." I whistled lowly. 

"Please be quiet," she begged.

I cast a sidelong look at her. Shafts of light spilt bright bars over her face, and one passed directly over her eyes. The pure fear displayed there prompted me to nod curtly and tilted my head to listen to their conversation instead. 

"Haha!" The tall one cried. "They said I was mad, you know. They laughed at me. Wretch Trademark, the world's greatest inventor!" Wretch put the sock drier down on the shelf again. "And all because I tried to make the world a more practical place with my gadgets."

The small man sneered and his gun stilled in his fingers. "Yes, yes. Haven't you got someone else to tell your soppy story to?" His voice was like an ice grater: raspy and cold. 

Wretch ignored him and pranced down the line of shelving, stopping at one spot. "Ah, my latest invention!" He exclaimed. He took a piece of card from the shelf, held it at arm's length and many layers tumbled out, forming a rectangle painted with a face and clothes, with two foldable arms sticking out the sides. "The fold-out friend! You never tire of hearing my story, do you?" He sent a furtive look at the small man, who seemed unimpressed, and put the fold-out friend away. "They scoffed when I invented the chocolate fire guard, they chortled when I came up with the fly-friendly foam fly swatter! And they spat out their soup when I introduced the toothless comb for bald men!"

The small man curled his lip and span his chair towards the screens. He rubbed his hands together, a control on the arm of his chair changing two screens to picture two pairs of people. I muttered a curse. Of course. Who else would be so desperate as to team up with a wannabe Joker?

"Those spoil-sport kids foiled my plans twice in a row. They think they're so wonderful," the small man growled. "But it is I who will have the last laugh!"

The small man slapped his fist on the control panel. The sudden crash made Riley jump, and I sent me a mocking glance to say 'you be quiet too'. She gave me a flat look and I grinned back at her. 

I stroked Gnasher with one hand, now not taking my eyes off of the scene in front of us. "Secret plan divulging should begin, about-"

"If the world won't willingly bow down to Baby-Face Finlayson-"

"-Now!" I rolled his eyes. This was too cliché. 

"-Then I will force them to!"

Wretch blinked with wide eyes. "We will force them to!" He corrected jubilantly. 

The short man - Baby-Face Finlayson - ignored him and continued ranting to himself. "There's nothing like a new mega mall to lure in the local yokels - and their teenagers," he spat venomously. "They will shop 'til they drop – drop to my knees and obey my command! With that!" He pointed to a small slot in the centre of another wall, then looked at Wretch with a frown. "How does it work, again?

Wretch puffed up his chest at the belief that he was required. "Through the mixing of hypnotic suggestions with mindless music and surround-sound to overwhelm the human senses, we can make the public do anything we please!"

Riley reached up and grabbed the front of my jersey in one hand, fisting it tightly. I shot her an incredulous glance, but I couldn't afford to say or do anything about it - I still only had one hand supporting my torso, and I didn't want her to be annoyed at me for talking again. Anyway, it didn't really bother me too much. 

Down below, Wretch grinned insanely. "They might think they're listening to the soothing sound of music – but in fact-"

He turned the disk on and the music that had been playing in the store turned on. He quickly turned a dial, and the music slowed down to reveal the sinister lyrics: 

Buy, buy - lots of new inventions - must buy - must buy...

Baby-Face cackled with delight. "And when I've sucked this town dry of spare change, I'll move the mobile mall onto the next town – and the next and the next, until the entire world is hypnotised, and I am very very rich! And those meddling kids will be slaves to my every command!"

I set my jaw and gently tugged out of Riley's grip, looking down at Gnasher. "Gnasher, can you jump down there and chew up that disk?"

Gnasher wagged his tail and I loosened the grille, asking Riley to hold it so it didn't clatter to the floor. It came free and she stopped it from falling while I struggled to fit Gnasher through the hole. 

"I wish I hadn't fed you so many tripe hound treats," I complained as I tried not to hurt Gnasher whilst pushing him through. 

"What's that?" Baby-Face suddenly asked. 

"A dog!" Wretch exclaimed. 

"Get it out!" Baby-Face shrieked. 

I uttered a light swear and yanked Gnasher back out, starting to speed crawl the opposite way to where we came. 

"Come on, Riley!" I urged. "Careful of the sl-ooooope!" I suddenly lost grip on the vent floor, and started to slide. I twisted myself to slide on my back and held my hands close to my chest, completely disorientated, but once I recognised what was going on I started to enjoy it. 

My feet smashed into another grate and it popped out, and I was spat out into the ornamental fountain that was beneath it. 

Gnasher howled as he landed in front of me, prancing out of the water with much distaste. My eyes widened and I scrambled out of the way just as Riley landed with a splash right where I'd just been sitting, showering me with cold water. 

"That was fun," I commented wryly, as she picked wet strands of hair from her face. "I wouldn't mind going round again!"

She fixed me with a stern look and picked herself up, attempting to wring out her blouse. As she picked up the hem, a slice of pink-tinged skin was exposed, and my eyes lingered a little too long before I turned away with a frown. 

I tried to find something else to focus on, so I turned my head up to the speakers to listen to the generic music being played softly through them. 

Except-

My whole body stiffened all at once. The strangest sensation came over me, an itch forming in my fingers. I clenched my fists and shook my head, but it was no use. 

"Cant fight it – must obey – must buy useless gizmos!" I said through gritted teeth. 

Must buy. Must buy. 

***

RILEY

I peeled the last strands of hair from my face. My ears were clogged with water - Dennis was mumbling something that I couldn't quite understand. He sat up ramrod straight and blinked slowly, his head turning mechanically towards the door leading to the main shopping area. His eyes were slightly glassed over. 

Oh no. 

Faintly, I heard smothered music playing in the background. The music was quiet, as it didn't need to be loud to have the desired effect. 

Gnasher pawed at Dennis then turned to me, and seeing that I was not yet zombified he pawed at me instead. 

I nodded and got up, glancing back at Dennis. I'd just have to leave him until I worked out how to free everyone. 

I stuck my fingers in my ears and ran for the doors, but Wretch threw them open. 

"I knew I saw a dog!" He shouted. "Dogs are the only creatures that cant hear the control signal - capture that security breach!"

Baby-Face screeched over the speakers: "After him!"

Wretch pinned his beady eyes on me and saw my fingers in my ears, his eyes narrowing. 

I span on my heel and fled. 

"Windscreen wipers for sunglasses – I need three of those," Dennis said, slowly getting up from the fountain. 

Behind me, I heard the clomping of the bouncers' feet, but suddenly they stopped. 

"Curses!" Finlayson broadcasted. "Blasted clockwork henchmen! Why did you invent these useless things, Wretch?"

Wretch sounded distressed. "Well, they do save money on batteries, but - oh, they wind me up!"

I skidded out into another department, and Baby-Face's words boomed out of the next speaker along. "Now bring me that dog, and make the girl listen!"

"Hula hoops for twins - I'll buy two," a woman said vacantly as I streaked past her. 

I burst out of the front doors, Gnasher hot on my heels as I sprinted as far away as I could from the mall. 

It was only at my bakery that I finally slowed, and with a wary look around I held the door open for Gnasher before locking it firmly. 

Then, I stood in the middle of the bakery and started to panic. 

Gnasher whimpered as I started to shake all over, and when he butted up against my legs I sank to the floor to hold his wiry but warm body to my heaving chest. 

"What am I supposed to do?" I stressed. "I can't go in there now - they know my face! Dennis is the one with the wacky ideas and impossible plans that somehow always work out in the end. I'm probably the last human being in this whole town - and Baby-Face will leave the people zombified until they're penniless, and we'll all be the poorest people in England. Jesus. I need my muffin."

I got up and retrieved my half-rated triple-chocolate muffin from the counter, returning also with a cookie for Gnasher. 

"I'm not sure if you're allowed this," I mused aloud. 

He licked his lips and gave me the puppy-dog eyes. 

I gave in. 

The muffin did little to satisfy my tightened stomach. 

Everything suddenly seemed a little too quiet. I dug out my phone and hit play, and a familiar tune started to play. 

A long long time ago,  
I can still remember how  
That music used to make me smile.

I smiled as I hummed along to the familiar words. Gnasher's agitation waned along with my own, and my breathing evened out throughout the song. 

Bye, bye Miss American Pie,  
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry.  
Them good 'ole boys were drinking whiskey and rye,  
Singin' this'll be the day that I die.  
This'll be the day that I die.

Did you write the book of love,  
And do you have faith in God above,  
If the Bible tells you so?  
Do you believe in rock and roll?  
Can music save your mortal soul?  
And can you teach me how to dance, real slow?

The more upbeat lyrics continued, but I didn't pay much attention. 

Faith.   
Rock and roll.   
Save. 

I could've cheered. The solution was so easy - if my theory was correct. 

"Loud music, Gnasher," I said. "Where do I get it?"

Gnasher blinked up at me and then trotted over to the counter, putting his paws up on the glass at the donuts. 

"Donuts? Eating? Sugar?"

I thought back to earlier. 

"Dennis?"

His ear twitches at the mention of the name and he went back to all fours. 

Dennis. Music. 

I picked up my phone and stopped the music, quickly doing a search online. I clicked a video and loud rock music blared from my speaker.

"Perfect." I smiled. "Let's go."

***

With my earphones plugged solidly into my ears and the wires hidden under my jumper and hair, I approached the mall. I circled round and popped Gnasher up into the vent after a few jumps, and then I went back to the front doors. 

The bouncers let me in with no trouble, their eyes skimming over my glazed eyes and unnatural walk just once before opening the doors to me. 

Dennis and the Dinmakers played at medium volume into my ears. I'd probably have a headache after it all from the loud bass, but I soldiered through. 

It was so sad, seeing all the Beanotown folk meandering around, picking up bank and claiming that they needed it. I saw a lot of my classmates, and some teachers too. 

As I walked through the shop I payed close attention to the cameras (and made sure to duck my head) and doors. All of the doorways were simply to other departments. 

Baby-Face Finlayson seemed like a narcissistic kind of man. Wouldn't he label his room to show off that he was in charge?

Finally, in the vacuum cleaner shoes section, I found it. A solid white door, with his name in large letters. 

I looked both ways to check for those clockwork security guards and then I slipped inside. 

Gnasher was already in there, hiding underneath one of the desks. Baby-Face and Wretch were standing in front of the screens, lording over their triumph. 

I'd have to be quick. 

The music wasn't playing in here, for obvious reasons, so I paused my music and crept towards the disk drive. 

I pressed the button to remove it and Gnasher obediently crunched it between his jaws. 

The people on the screens showed signs of waking up. 

I summonsed my courage. 

"Excuse me, could I make an announcement on your microphone, please?"

I leaned between the two men and picked up the microphone while they blinked, astonished. 

"People of Beanotown! You are no longer hypnotised!Abandon mall! Abandon ma-ulk!"

Baby-Face pulled me away by my collar, and I cut off as my jacket constructed around my neck. 

"You little brat," he spat. "What have you done?"

I smiled forcefully. "I've stopped your little scheme."

Baby-Face's features twisted up into rage. "Wretch! Detain this brat until further notice!"

Baby-Face shoved me away from him and I was caught by Wretch's fingers on my arm. He dragged me over to the wall, where the shelves were, and tied my hands behind my back and to the wall with a glow in the dark skipping rope. 

Despite his insanity, he was good with tying knots. I tugged hard, but I only ended up hurting myself. 

Wretch then went to survey the damage. 

"My tape!" He cried. "Destroyed!"

I glanced at Gnasher, who was creeping towards me from under the table. 

Just a little further-

"That dog!" Baby-Face screamed. "Get that dog!"

Gnasher scarpered. 

***

DENNIS

I shook my head wildly of the fog that surrounded it and leached into my brain, and looked down at the thing in my hand. "Hey! I don't need a cookbook with built in laser tin opener!" I almost threw it away, but the laser sounded cool. I didn't have a laser. 

I pocketed it. 

People all around me were shaking their heads and looking around in confusion. 

"People of Beanotown!" A voice said through the speakers. Was that Riley? "You are no longer hypnotised! Abandon mall! Abandon ma-ulk!"

People started to panic and run towards the exits. 

Ma-ulk? What does that mean?

She sounded as if she was being strangled. 

With this in mind, in set off in the opposite direction to the masses, trying to find a door to Baby-Face's office. 

Suddenly I was assaulted by a black ball colliding with my chest. I yelped and fell back, and the ball started licking my face. 

"Gnasher, Gnasher, geroff!" I laughed, pushing at his nose and laughing. "Come on, boy."

I managed to sit up and coax Gnasher off of me. I looked around for Riley, but I couldn't see her. Dread settled in the pit of my stomach. 

"Where's Riley, Gnasher?" I asked slowly. 

Gnasher lowered his head and trotted off to my left. 

We only got so far before I heard heavy footfall and it took my a few seconds to work out what they were. 

"Those clockwork clowns are after us – run!"

Gnasher still led the way, cutting through different doorways. He skidded to a stop outside a white door with Baby-Face's name on it, but it was steadfastly blocked by two clockwork guards who made a lunge for me. I jumped aside and continued running in a random direction, hoping to shake them off my tail, but at my next turn I ran into a dead end, empty except from a discarded trolley. 

The guards cornered us in, and Wretch pipes up from behind them. "He's against all innovation! Grab him! He's a sad lad!"

I couldn't help but snort with laughter. "I'm sad? You're the only one who's only friend is made of cardboard!"

"I'll tell him you said that!" Wretch said with a crazy grin. 

I frowned. Humour wasn't going to work. Threats? "Better move to another town, mister weirdo – this one's got Dennis in it!"

Gnasher growled, too, and Wretch had the decency to look intimidated. 

"What are you waiting for?" Baby-Face screeched over the speakers. "Get him!"

The guards ran full pelt at us, and for once I had no idea what to do. Rugby tackle them? Jump over their heads? Laser cookbook? Not enough time. Too fast, too fast-

They suddenly all creaked to a stop only a metre away, hands outstretched towards me. 

I couldn't believe it. 

"Oh, not again!" Wretch started digging through his many pockets. "Where's my wind up key? Where's my windup key finder?"

I grabbed the trolley. 

"Gnasher? I think it's time to act our age!"

Gnasher jumped in and I readied myself behind it, and began to run. 

The trolley easily battered away the guards like bowling pins, an Wretch shrieked and fled in front of us. "On your left, a pile of useless junk," I commentated. "On your right, Wretchy boy, trying to escape! Hang on!"

I dug my heels into the linoleum floor, careening the trolley around the corner. 

Wretch stood panickedly in the dead end. 

Then he turned around with a triumphant grin. "Aha! My umbrella hat!" He pressed a button on his hat, and the umbrella started to spin. Impossibly, he started to rise into the air. "Not so good in the rain, but great for stormy situations!"

"Jump, abandon trolley!" I told Gnasher. "Follow that man!"

There was a crash as the trolley hit the wall full-force, but by that time I'd let go and Gnasher had jumped out and we were chasing Wretch, who was half-running half-flying. 

He ran through the white door and I trampled over the toppled guards on the floor, storming after the madman. 

In the control room, Wretch was trapped. With tunnel vision, I started towards him. When I was just about to grab him, he took out a piece of card, and the unfolding of his paper friend pushed me back slightly. 

"Aha! That's what friends are for!" Wretch sang. 

Loud, high pitched mumbling came from the other side of the room. 

Riley?

I turned around just as the metal bars came down from the ceiling and up from the floor, connecting in the middle, caging Gnasher and I in the centre of the room. 

I grabbed the bars and rattled them, but they stayed firmly in place, the two parts locked together and proving to have no weaknesses. 

Baby-Face grinned, his finger still on the button that trapped us. "A boy and his dog – how ironic," he sneered. "Because now it's time to go for walkies!"

Wretch went and stood next to him, and a see-through dome extended around them and the control panel. "You destroyed our plan – now we'll destroy your town!" 

The floor jerked under me and I lost my footing, falling back into the bars. I was lucky my head didn't hit them, but my back hurt like hell from the impact. 

On the screens I could see gadgets tumbling everywhere as the ground continued to tilt to and fro. Baby-Face laughed maniacally, and I briefly wondered which of them was more insane. 

The screens switched to show what was happening outside, and even I couldn't help but gasp. 

The whole mall had risen up on four metal legs. As I watched, it began to move across the hillside, and simultaneously the floor wobbled. 

Baby-Face turned the moving mall to face the town. 

Riley began to mumble loudly. 

I looked over to where she was - I hadn't yet - and I managed to make eye contact with her. Her eyes were as wide as saucers, and she was sitting on the floor, bound to one of the desk legs. Two socks tied together formed her gag, with the knot positioned in her mouth. She looked scared. Vulnerable. I tried a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace when I was thrown into the bars again, and didn't help much. Her eyes were red-rimmed, I noticed as I looked her over. Tears were stained onto her cheeks. 

I clenched my jaw and looedk back at the screens. The mall was heading straight for Beanotown - where everyone was taking refuge. 

I was launched sideways into the bars again, and Gnasher - who was whining - collided with my left side. Something rectangular pressed into my thigh, and then released when Gnasher rolled off. 

Rectangular?

I pulled out the cookbook, and a smile cut through my pain. 

It was easy to work. Press the button on the side - don't point the laser at Gnasher - direct it towards the bars and cut a square. 

***

RILEY

I could hardly believe it when Dennis pulled out a book and started to cut away the bars. The laser made quick work of the metal and as soon as he was out he tripped and stumbled towards me. He crouched down next to me to cut through the skipping rope that bound my wrists. I held my breath as the heat of the laser scorched my skin, but it was only a second and then I was free. 

My first priority was the gag. I pulled at it, but it was too tight to stretch and pull over my head, so my fingers scrabbled at the right knot at the back. I made a disgusted face as the socks rubbed against my tongue again, the taste (akin to cardboard) filling my mouth. 

"Let me," Dennis said quietly, turning my head with one hand so he could see the back. He quickly unknotted them and I immediately spat them out, dragging my nails across my tongue to get rid of the lint. 

"Thank you," I whispered, slight awe mixed into my voice. "What is that thing?

"Cookbook with built-in laser tin opener," he explained, incredibly calm for such a situation. "Come on."

He approached the dome and pointed the laser at it, cutting a door. Finally, the two villains noticed the buzzing and turned around. Their faces were priceless. 

"H-how did you escape?" Baby-Face spluttered furiously. 

Dennis smirked and stepped aside as his door fell outwards. "I never thought I'd say it," he said casually, "but these cookery books with built-in laser in openers really are useful!"

Baby-Face snarled. "Curses!"

"Foiled, by my own invention!" Wretch wailed. 

"Now stop this thing," Dennis commanded, "or I'll laser Wretch into little Wretchy pieces!"

Baby-Face sneered. "See if I care - he's approaching his usable lifetime, anyway!"

Baby-Face glanced back at the controls and smirked in triumph. "Almost," he said. 

Then he abandoned the controls. 

"Riley!" Dennis shouted, throwing the book to me. I caught it in one hand after a little fumbling, and gestured the two men out of the dome while Dennis jumped into the seat and tried to man the controls. "How does this thing work?"

"Now I'll watch you trample your friends!" Baby-Face cackled as the mall rolled and lurched around while Dennis desperately tried to find the right buttons. 

"But I can't steer this thing!" He panicked, jerking a gear stick backwards. The mall lurched to a stop, one foot poised to squash the first house on the edge of town. "Aha! I think I've got the hang of this..."

He pulled the stick all the way back and the mall retreated up the hill slowly. 

"Right, lets put this mall down gently."

Dennis pressed a button labelled 'anchor' and the mall's legs dug into the ground, and then the whole mall started to sink down until it rested firmly on the hill. 

***

DENNIS

I was smiling breathlessly once I'd done it. I actually drove a walking mall! I was eager to do it again some time (could I make it dance?) but I was almost certain that I wouldn't be allowed. Still, I was triumphant and slightly breathless as adrenaline still pulsed through me. 

But we weren't done yet. I got out of the driver's seat and took over from Riley with the laser cookbook. She'd done well with herding the two men into the corner, and I was sure she'd used the laser at some point to threaten them since the opposite wall was split and smoking gently. Gnasher, too, had helped by standing between them and the door and baring his famously long canines. 

"What should we do with them?" I asked her. 

She made a cute face, as if it was obvious. "Turn them over to the police, of course," she replied. 

I nodded. "Right." I suppose that means I can't have a little chat with them first. 

"If you open the door, Riley, I'll follow, and then could you go tell the police that they need to make two arrests, please?"

I jerked my hand towards the door and the men hurried after Riley. Before they passed me I stopped them quickly. 

"Gun, Baby-Face. Kick it over here. Slowly." 

Baby-Face gritted his teeth and slid his gun over to me, making Gnasher jump out of the way as it went through where he'd been standing. I clicked the safety on and slipped it through my belt. 

"Umbrella hat, Wretch."

Wretch unwillingly took it off and put it reverently on a shelf. 

I skimmed them for any possible weapons or escape tools. "Alright, let's go. But I'm warning you: take any hostages and I won't hesitate to use this. Now mush!"

They scuttled along in front off me, casting venomous looks back at me from time to time. 

The police met us in the hair dryers that suck section, and immediately handcuffed them. 

"Put me down!" Baby-Face wailed. "You kids will pay for this! You haven't seen the last of Baby-Face Finlayson yet!"

"You know that suit of yours? I can fix that so it also makes pasta!" Wretch said hopefully to an officer. 

I thanked the police and the police thanked me, and when I'd recounted the very short, quick version of the crimes, they allowed us to go. 

As soon as Gnasher and I got outside the doors to the mall I was assaulted by a huge crowd. There were suddenly cheers and we were engulfed by people, all wanting answers and to pat me on the back. Somewhere I heard Gnasher growl as someone tried to pick him up, and then he was by my feet and people gave us a wide berth, though the crowd still swarmed outside my little space bubble. 

I was directed to the centre of the crowd, where the mayor stood, and he clapped me on the back heartily. 

"Well done Dennis and Gnasher!" He exclaimed. "Though it's hard to believe you've actually saved the day." 

The cheek! And Riley helped-

The mayor clapped me on the back again, almost making me stumble. We would've given you a fantastic sound system as a reward," he said, "but no one seems ready to supply it to you at the moment. So please, take our congratulations!"

The crowd erupted into fresh cheers and I finally gave in to the atmosphere, allowing myself a smile. 

"Who needs an average dog when you've got Gnasher?" I lifted him up onto my shoulders, grinning. "He's the one who broke the hypnotic disk!"

"I'll never complain about that dog again!" Dad claimed. 

"I'll let him eat my trousers!" The postman promised. 

Others echoed the sentiments, and Gnasher licked my hand, looking ten times happier than I felt. 

I was invited to an official celebratory meal in the town hall, which I refused, and made hurried excuses about needing to go home. As the crowd dispersed, Curly and Pie-Face approached. 

"That was great, Den! Look at all this cool stuff I bought!" Pie-Face showed me his vacuum cleaner shoes and water-plane. "I'm getting refunds, too!"

"I keep trying to tell him it's junk," Curly sighed ruefully. "But well done on saving the town! How did you do it?"

"I had some help," I admitted. 

"You?" Curly scoffed. "Need help?"

I cracked a smile. "Yeah. It wasn't actually me who helped crack the disk."

Pie-Face blinked. "Gnasher?"

"Yeah, Gnasher did that, but he can't operate machinery."

"Wait. When we all woke up, a girl-" Curly raised an eyebrow. "A girl made an announcement, Dennis."

Uncomfortable, I stuffed my hands into my trouser pockets. "Yeah..."

"So? Who was she?" Pie-Face asked eagerly. 

"Come on, Dennis! Who is she? Why didn't she get the congrats? Where is she?" Curly pressed. 

I looked up from the ground and smirked. "You'll have to find out later. I'm off for a celebratory donut!" I started to run as they shouted their frustration. "And you're not invited!"

The streets were reassuringly lively, with people all over out on the pavements, exclaiming over their barmy purchases. Men from the army were offering rubbish collections, while policemen took tallies of how much each household was owed so Baby-Face could refund them. 

I stopped half-way by Roger the Dodger and his girlfriend, who thanked me profusely for helping to put Baby-Face behind bars. The girl seemed slightly shaken, but I wasn't sure if it was because of shock or the make-out session I'd walked in on. I skirted them awkwardly and moved on, but despite the revulsion I felt at seeing them snogging, heat was creeping up my neck as I imagined a cute girl in baker's uniform wearing the same expression as the Dodger's girlfriend. Gnasher caught onto my mood and bumped into my legs knowingly, making my neck burn spread to my ears. 

The bell above the door tinkled as I stepped into the bakery. 

A kindly-looking woman with strikingly similar features to Riley stood behind the counter. Her brown hair was whitened with a dusting of flour, and the shirt under her apron was stained all manner of colours by chocolate and jam and custard. 

"Dennis," She exclaimed, "and Gnasher! Goodness, I must say thank you so much for what you did, I would have gone bankrupt." She patted her hair down fretfully, unaware of the plume of flour that puffed from it. "Anything you like, dears, on the house," she said. 

"Uh, two donuts, please," I said. "And a triple chocolate muffin."

She picked up the tongs and slid the donuts and muffin into two paper bags. "There you go! I must say, those muffins are a hit with the customers." She chuckled quietly. "My daughter eats them like a chainsmoker," she added with a smile. 

Point. 

"Actually, Mrs Abbott, I'm here to see Riley," I said. 

Her face was pulled into a surprised smile. "Well of course," she said, quite taken aback. "I'll just call her down."

"Do you mind if Gnasher and I just go up?" I asked quickly. "We might be a while. The muffin's for her."

Her surprise morphed into curiosity and the obvious expression of a suspecting mother. "Of course, dear. Through the door, straight up the stairs and the door on the left."

I thanked her and followed her directions. I was doing a lot of uncharacteristic thanking today, and weirdly lots of people had thanked me, too. I was about to say another, because I'd still be hypnotised and Gnasher would probably be running away from dog-catcher clockwork men by this point if it weren't for Riley.

I found her in the flat's kitchen, pouring a glass of apple juice from a carton. Her back was to me, but when she'd finished she turned and startled so that a few drops of juice splattered on the linoleum floor. 

"Dennis," she said. "Hi. I wasn't expecting-"

"I know. You just left, after it all. You should've got the congratulations, not me."

She pursed her lips. "I didn't do much. You were the one who caught the guys and controlled the mall."

"But I wouldn't have been able to if you hadn't taken over the sound system like that," I pointed out. 

She shook her head ruefully. "It doesn't matter. I don't want the praise, anyway. Anyone would've done it."

"Not just anyone." I held up the paper bag. "I've brought you a present."

She stared, her curiosity piqued. Her gaze clashed with mine briefly before she reached out and took the bag. As she opened hers I opened mine, and bent down to offer a donut to Gnasher. When I stood back up, Riley was smiling widely. 

"Thank you," she said, pushing her hair back behind her ear. 

We were silent for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say. 

"Do you want to come and sit down?" She finally offered. 

I nodded an followed her through a door into a small living room. Before she could sit down, however, I caught her wrist. 

She turned to me, a questioning tilt to her head, and I almost lost my courage. Then, I stepped in close. 

"Honestly, thank you for what you did. On behalf of Beanotown." I studied her face as she looked up at me, her eyes wide and darting. "I think that's the first time I've ever used the word 'honestly'," I joked, to break up the tension. 

A smile tugged at her lips and her posture relaxed, even though we were still only inches apart. "I suspect it is, Mr Dinmaker," she said playfully, poking my chest. "Do you know, that's what I was listening to to drown out that awful music?"

I blinked in surprise. "You were listening to me?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "It was Gnasher's choice," she said, though there was a mischievous glint in her eye. I liked that. It suited her. 

Before I could overthink it, my palm lifted from my side and alighted at the top of her neck, my thumb tracing her jaw, so much more gentle than I think I have ever been. 

She stiffened instantly, eyes searching, but didn't pull away as I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. 

The kiss was short an sweet (just like her) and yet somehow the taste of chocolate lingered on my lips long afterwards.


	4. Wonderland

Dennis found himself in a forest. He didn't know how, and he didn't know why. All he knew was: he was there, the forest was there, and all was quiet save the chirping of the birds.

 

A blur of speed and sound whipped past him, making him jump.

 

"What was that?" He wondered aloud, his face twitching into a frown.

 

The blur stopped and double backed, stopping for long enough for Dennis to make out the form of a humanoid rabbit - with the face of Billy Whizz.

 

"It was me - the Whizz Rabbit!" The rabbit said. It thrust its watch into Dennis's face and said: "I can't stop, Dennis - I'm late!"

 

And with that, the Rabbit approached a leather bound book and stuck his hand between the pages.

 

Dennis shook his head. "You're also daft - you'll never get in there!"

 

The rabbit sent Dennis a grin and promptly slid his whole body inside the book, while the boy watched, open-mouthed.

 

"How did he do that?" Dennis asked no one in particular, scratching his head.

 

A girl on a broomstick appeared out of mid-air beside him, making him jump backwards.

 

"You could do it as well, if I put a spell on you," she informed.

 

"Who are you?" Dennis demanded after he regained his composure.

 

The girl laughed and flicked her long black hair. "I can be whoever you want me to be. My name's Jadis."

 

"And you're a witch?" Asked Dennis, dubiously.

 

Jadis looked down, as if examining herself and her broom. "Last time I checked, yes."

 

Dennis nodded. "Alright, go ahead."

 

She grinned, and, pointing arched fingers at him, yelled: "Guzzungas!"

 

Lightning sparked from her fingertips. I'm a flash of light, Dennis' red and black striped jersey was replaced with a green dress and pink apron.

 

Dennis glared down at his new outfit, then glared at her. At the sight of his furious expression she fell about laughing - her broom rolled over, seemingly reacting to her mirth.

 

"I can't believe it!" Dennis fumed. "This is not funny, witch, not funny at all!"

 

Jadis stifled her giggles and waved her hand, reverting him back and then casting another spell so he could climb into the book after the Whizz Rabbit. "Just a joke. Off you go," she said.

 

"Thanks," he replied. When his whole arm entered the book, he frowned. "This is mad."

 

Once he'd slid inside, he found himself in another forest - this time not quite so quaint. Huge trees with ugly faces snarled down at him, and toadstools ran amok - on legs. A sign pinned to one tree read: TUGLY WOOD, and the one underneath read: BEWARE THE JONAHWOCKY!

 

Dennis didn't fancy meeting the Jonahwocky, so he walked quickly away from the sign, down the narrow path that cut cleanly between the grass verges.

 

He had only walked a short way before his feet were picked up from under him and he was thrown into the air with the impact of a collision.

 

"Pesky Whizz Rabbit!" Dennis yelled, rubbing the sore spot on his back where he'd landed.

 

The rabbit didn't stop. "I'm late! I'm late!" It said as a form of an apology.

 

"Wish Gnasher was here to slow him down," Dennis grumbled.

 

Jadis, who was flying high above the violent branches of the treetops, giggled and pointed a long, slender finger down at the white rabbit. She murmured some words and suddenly a black Abyssinian Wire-Haired Tripe Hound appeared and chased the rabbit at breakneck speed - it was Gnasher!

 

"Hey! My wish came true!"

 

"Rotten mutt - you're making me later!" The rabbit complained, veering about and trying to lose the super-speedy dog.

 

Try as he might, the rabbit couldn't evade the newfound super-speed of Gnasher. The dog got under the rabbit's feet and tripped him up, and a little magic from Jadis provided the rope to tie the rabbit up with - not that Dennis knew where the rope came from, mind you.

 

Once the rabbit was securely trussed up, Dennis smiled triumphantly. "Bet you're not as fast now, rabbit!"

 

The rabbit shook its head and smirked. "No... Not quite!"

 

It began to hop at whizz speed, dragging a bewildered Dennis behind - the rope was tangled around his hand to stop the rabbit from escaping, but it was now proving difficult for the boy to unknot himself.

 

Dennis looked up and saw the rabbit approaching a hole that was obviously too small for Dennis to fit through. "Yikes! No! Stop, stop!"

 

The rope miraculously came undone when Dennis's shoulders collided with the sides of the hole. He came out shaking dirt from his dark hair, empty handed.

 

"Well, at least I stopped." He shrugged and examined the hole. "I'm far too big to get down there."

 

Jadis appeared from behind a tree, and leaned on it casually. "That's easily solved."

 

Dennis spun around and scowled. "You again?"

 

Jadis matched his frown. "Is there a problem with that?"

 

"Are you following me?"

 

Jadis flashed him a smile. "Maybe."

 

Dennis was baffled. "So... Why?"

 

"Why, what?" The girl cocked her head and smiled.

 

"Why are you following me?"

 

"Is there a problem with that?"

 

"Yes!" Dennis cried exasperatedly.

 

Jadis shrugged and procured a piece of paper and a pencil. "Well, I can give you my number, and you can phone in with any complaints you might have."

 

Dennis stomped towards the slight witch. "You smooth little-"

 

Her eyes widened as she realised he was so much taller and brawnier than her. "Redulacia!" She shouted.

 

Sparks flew from her fingers and hit Dennis, and he promptly started to shrink.

 

"Help!" Dennis flailed about, trying to stop it, but he needn't have worried - he stopped when his head was level with her knee.

 

Rather than attack her kneecap, he turned back to the hole. He would fit through now, and the infuriating witch wouldn't be able to follow.

 

He stormed up to the hole.

 

"Make sure you tie your shoelaces properly!" Jadis called after him. "I don't want you falling for anyone else!"

 

Dennis jumped down the hole, muttering: "Pesky witch - Alexander?"

 

A lemming had followed Dennis down the rabbit hole, by the name of Alexander Lemming.

 

"Nice day for a plummet!" Alexander chirped as they fell.

 

Dennis looked about quickly. "Where's your unlucky friend James?"

 

He'd spoken too soon. Dennis landed smack-bang on Calamity James's head, and Alexander landed atop Dennis, resulting in a pile with James at the bottom, practically hammered into the earthen floor.

 

"Sorry, James," Dennis said ruefully as he clambered off of the other boy.

 

James sighed, but smiled in spite of the lump forming on his head and his swelling nose. "It's alright," he said in a cheery voice that didn't match his injuries the way it should have. "Nice of you to drop in!"

 

Dennis waved and turned to go, reviewing the many tunnels that branched from the bottom of the hole. On second thoughts he span back to the pair. "You haven't seen the Whizz Rabbit, have you?" He asked.

 

James nodded. "Yes-"

 

The 'S' sound had hardly been finished when a cloud of dust emerged from one of the tunnels.

 

"There he is!" Dennis said, leaping to catch the rabbit's legs.

 

James howled as the rabbit trampled over him, just as he was about to peel himself off the floor. Dennis landed flat on the floor with a thump, missing the rabbit by at least a few seconds.

 

"He went thataway!" James said blithely, pointing down a tunnel.

 

Dennis scrambled to his feet and set of in pursuit. "Thanks!"

 

After a five-minute walk through the meandering tunnel, Dennis emerged into the light again. A good thing too - he was already tired of tripping on tree roots and sinking his feet into puddles in the dark.

 

The wood this side of the rabbit burrow was pretty much the same as the other side. A sundial held up by a small urchin stood to one side, and some squelchies were gathered around.

 

"'Tis a gathering of squelchy toves gyring and gimbling in the wabe!" The urchin said, then blew a raspberry. Dennis ignored him and walked on.

 

A little ways on, Smiffy trotted up to Dennis and shook his own hand. "Hello, I'm the Mad Nutter!"

 

Dennis rolled his eyes towards the sky and regarded Smiffy cynically. "That should be Mad Hatter, you twit. What are you doing here?"

 

Smiffy beamed and gestured around himself. "I'm gathering nuts in May!"

 

Dennis sighed at the daft boy's apparent idiocy. "You don't get nuts in May - you get them in autumn," he explained slowly.

 

Smiffy's eyebrows knotted together, and he couldn't get them undone. He decided instead to run head-first into a tree, like a deranged charging bull.

 

"Well I never - he is the Mad Nutter!" Said Dennis with astonishment.

 

Smiffy collided with the tree, making the tree quiver. The daft boy was physically sound after the blow, and Dennis was too until the tree above them started shedding nuts and bolts.

 

Dennis covered his head with his hands, wincing at the little hail-like pains. "And you d-do get nuts in May!"

 

Smiffy stood triumphantly and swallowed a nut whole. "After I eat these, I'll be the Mad Fatter," he explained, "but I'll do exercises and soon be the Mad Fitter!"

 

Dennis shook his head at Smiffy and barked his pain when a bolt hit his knuckle. "And I'll be the Mad Flatter if I stay here," he muttered, edging away from the tree until he could slip away from both the falling nuts and the nutcase.

 

The problem was, he couldn't see a path, and without it he was entirely lost.

 

Jadis popped out from behind a tree and examined her nails, now done green to set off her eyes. "Need help?" She asked.

 

Dennis, who hadn't noticed her appearance, startled and then let out a frustrated noise as he turned upon her. "Not you again!"

 

"Can't put up with my dazzling beauty?" The girl asked, making an over-exaggerated pose.

 

"Or your bad pick up lines," Dennis quipped, irked.

 

She cocked her head, stepping towards him. "Know what other lines I deal in?"

 

Dennis didn't catch on. "No?"

 

"Palm lines."

 

"Alright, then." Dennis smirked. "Read mine."

 

Jadis smiled, the kind of smile a cat wears when it knows it's caught the canary, then she fashioned it into a careful mask of thoughtfulness. "Hmm. Which is your dominant hand?"

 

Dennis' triumph - from thinking he had caught her out - dissipated. "My right," he answered carefully.

 

Jadis held out her hand. "Then give me your left," she said.

 

He held out his left hand and she took it, turning it palm-up in her cupped hands and running her thumbs over the thick padding of his inner hand. Her skin was soft and warm against his.

 

She hummed softly in assent to something, and Dennis peered first from her hand, to his hand, then back again, curiosity taking over.

 

"What is it?" He blurted after the fourth hum.

 

Jadis looked up, her expression the epitome of seriousness, and said: "Your heart line says that you will call me soon."

 

Dennis barked a laugh. "What?" He said incredulously.

 

"Don't make me repeat myself," she chided.

 

Dennis pulled his hand away from her soft fingers and waved a dismissive hand at her. "Forget it."

 

"That's no way to say 'thank you'!"

 

Dennis lifted a hand as he walked away in a random direction, not even turning around to see her fold her arms.

 

"Karma will pound upon those who harm the righteous!" She shouted after him as he disappeared among the trees.

 

Dennis laughed quietly as he stalked off. "Karma?" He shook his head. "What a charlatan."

 

No sooner than he said it, a pair of fangs glinted white in the shadow of a tree. Dennis called out in shock as the fangs were joined by a full mouth of sharp teeth.

 

"What's this?" He asked, backing away. As he spoke, a pair of yellow eyes materialised.

 

Dennis bumped into something solid and turned around quickly, to be met by the sight of Frankie from Number 13.

 

"That's Tiddles, the Cheshire Cat," Frankie explained, pointing at the disembodied teeth - which were no attached to a tiger.

 

"And this is Sabre, the Berkshire Brick!"

 

Frankie let Sabre to the floor (dropped him) and Sabre landed on Dennis's foot. It caught him unaware, and he didn't have time to move his foot out of the way of the heavy brick.

 

"Argh!" Dennis yelled, wrenching his foot out from under Sabre and hopping, clutching it tightly.

 

Frankie picked up Sabre and produced a paint brush from no where, beginning to paint the brick.

 

"I'm painting Sabre. Maybe he'll get a part in the Yellow Brick Road!"

 

Dennis scowled and gingerly let go of his foot, wincing as he put it down. "Wrong story," he said with a rueful grin.

 

Frankie frowned and linked his arm through Dennis', tugging him through the tree line to end up on a yellow brick paved road.

 

"We're off to see the wizard!" Frankie sang, very out of tune and dragging Dennis along while he skipped along the path.

 

Dennis gave up trying to pull away and simply jogged to keep up with the monster's huge strides. "Mind you, nothing's right in this story."

 

"We are in the right story!" Frankie protested. "Look, there's Dorothy!"

 

At a bend in the road, Ivy the Terrible stood, dressed in a blue chequered frock and looking peeved.

 

"I'm not Dot," she raged, marching up to them. "I'm Ivy - And I'm Terrible!"

 

And with that, she stamped as hard as she could on Frankie's foot. Te monster let out a howl and released Dennis, clutching his foot and hopping to stay upright.

 

"Ta, Ivy," Dennis called as he continued on along the road - without having to run.

 

He hadn't got far down the seemingly endless road when he heard something in the forest to his left. Curious, he stopped to listen.

 

"What's that rumbling?"

 

From the undergrowth, a large, well-rounded boy emerged, dressed in a pink shirt, purple trousers and a red bow tie, with the face of Fatty from Bash Street.

 

"Hi, I'm Tweedletum!" Fatty declared, while Dennis' eyes narrowed, trying to work out what part of the fairytale this was.

 

"And I'm Tweedletea!" Another boy announced. He was dressed the same, but instead of Fatty's tiny chimney-sweep brush of hair, he had a scraggy ginger mop. It was none other than Fatty Fudge, the Minx's everlasting source of sweets.

 

The two large boys came together, rather too close for Dennis' comfort - the lines of buttons on their outfits looked fit to ping at any moment.

 

"We're hungry!" They chorused, and for a moment Dennis considered high-tailing it, because they looked hungry enough to eat a horse (or an unsuspecting menace).

 

Dennis wrinkled his nose in confusion as they began to count in unison, starting from one.

 

"I don't have time to play hide and seek," Dennis said, already looking onwards down the road - he needed to get going.

 

"Who said anything about hide and seek?" Fatty asked, licking his lips. "These numbers are our takeaway snack."

 

At once a rickshaw barrelled up to them, stopped, and unloaded an unimaginable amount of Chinese food into Fatty and Fatty Fudge's arms.

 

Dennis stared. "Some snack!" He commented, though his stomach rumbled at the enticing smell of chicken and noodles.

 

He went forward to help himself, but the two turned their backs and began to shovel steaming, smouldering food into their mouths. But the time Dennis had circumnavigated their enormous figures, there was only a pile of empty containers.

 

"Not even a prawn cracker left!" Dennis bemoaned, looking longingly at the empty packages. His stomach rumbled again, louder.

 

Fatty burped loudly. "The problem with Chinese food is," he said, "seconds later, you want more!"

 

Dennis' eyes bugged as the driver unloaded more food, and they dug in with gusto. "That's disgusting," he said, creasing his brow. He definitely didn't feel hungry any more, only slightly sick.

 

"That's enough Chinese food," Fatty stated.

 

Dennis averted his eyes from their swollen stomachs, feeling iller by the second. "I should think so, too!"

 

Fatty nodded, turning around. "We'll have an indian curry next - and here it comes now!"

 

A giant tanker of vindaloo came speeding down the road towards them, emitting a pungent pong.

 

Dennis watched in disbelief as they hooked themselves up to the feeding tubes and started to guzzle. Almost immediately, their buttons finally gave way and span end over end through the air, hitting Dennis in the face. He raised his arms to protect himself until the onslaught was over.

 

"This proves overeating can be dangerous - for me!" He grumbled.

 

"What a disgraceful exhibition!" An unwelcome voice declared. "Do you have anything to say for yourselves?"

 

Fatty Fudge laughed. "Yes! What's for afters?"

 

Dennis held a hand to his mouth, trying not to be sick. "After that, I've suddenly lost my appetite."

 

Jadis turned to face him. "Are you so sure?" She questioned, smiling.

 

"Yes." His eyebrows knitted together, observing her. She was wearing a pretty blue frock, like Dorothy's. He didn't like the connotations. "Now quit following me, you stalker!"

 

"You should learn not to make personal remarks," she said, shaking her head disappointedly. "It's very rude."

 

He sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He started again.

 

"Why are you here, Jadis?"

 

She smiled and gestured to her side. "I only came to invite you to a tea party," she informed.

 

This elicited an incredulous laugh that surprised the both of them "A tea party?" He snorted. "I'm no softy."

 

Jadis put her hand on her hip and cocked it in challenge. "And neither am I," she said pointedly. "But the tea's steaming and the coffee's brewing, and the upside-down cake is pineapple."

 

The absurdity caught his interest. "Pineapple upside-down cake?"

 

Jadis nodded, tilting her head. "Or marble cake, if you'd prefer."

 

Dennis thought hard. "Chocolate marble cake?" He asked, crossing his fingers at his side.

 

"Yes."

 

That settled it. "Then I'm in," he replied.

 

She beckoned and he followed her warily off of the path, away from the greedy boys, through the forest to a small clearing. In the centre was a table, set for eight, piled high with all sorts of sugared delights. He began to salivate, and his stomach clenched tighter than before at the thought of so much tasty food.

 

Jadis circled around to the other side of the table and held out her hand, indicating he could sit. He did so, and sat with his fingers woven together, waiting for her first move.

 

She raised an eyebrow. "Dig in," she said.

 

Dennis picked up a slice of marble cake and inspected it closely. "It's not poisoned, is it?" He asked, glancing up at her.

 

"Give it here," she huffed, and stood, leaning over the table to pluck it from his hands. Raising it to her cherry lips, she took a bite, flashing pearly white teeth. He watched her neck move as she swallowed. "See?"

 

She offered it back to him and he recoiled, screwing up his face in disgust. "I'm not eating that! You took a bite out of it!"

 

Jadis rolled her eyes. "It's not like you haven't swapped spit with anyone before," she reminded.

 

How did she...?

 

"You're starting to creep me out."

 

Her lips curved into a smile, eyes twinkling. She looked pretty, until she spoke. "Good. That means I'm not boring."

 

That was the last straw. "I should go," he said quickly, getting up.

 

Her face fell and she looked at the clock at the end of the table. "But it's only six o'clock!" She cried.

 

"Ha, nice try. I'm not stupid - that clock's stopped."

 

"True," she sighed. "You'll want to head that way." She pointed.

 

Dennis nodded once and span on his heel, walking fast. "Strange girl," he muttered, picking his way over the mat of roots.

 

When the trees cleared, he was met by a familiar and unusually welcome face, that of a friendly rival: Plug. The tall (ugly) boy was, thankfully, in his usual attire, and leaned casually against the wall. As Dennis approached, he couldn't help but taught him.

 

"Hi, Plug! Holding up the wall?" Dennis teased as he came to a stop beside him.

 

Instead of throwing back a similar comment, Plug smiled - not much improvement to his face. "That's right, I'm the Waltruss, see?"

 

To prove it, he stepped away, and Dennis only had time to yelp before the bricks tumbled down and once bounced onto his foot.

 

Dennis let out a string of curses, wondering bitterly why he had been pleased to see Plug's ugly mug in the first place.

 

No sooner had he thought it than another unwelcome character popped up. Danny wielded a paint sprayer in one hand and had a slightly dopey expression. "And I'm the car painter," Danny informed, painting a line of lime green across Dennis' arm. "I paint everything!"

 

Dennis pulled away, grimacing at his ruined jersey. "So I see. Stop it!"

 

Plug sidled up, clasped his hands together, raised his eyes to the heavens, and began to recite poetry.

 

"The time has come, the Walltruss said, to speak of many things," Plug said sweetly, swaying back and forth. Dennis stared, dumbfounded."Of stews and chips, appealing snacks - of steak and onion rings."

 

A distant rumble could be heard from behind him, and Dennis paled.

 

"Stop!" He cried. It was moment use - the damage was already done.

 

Two pink and purple boulders half-bounced, half-rolled up to them. Dennis managed to dodge the human bowling balls, but Danny wasn't so lucky and got run over.

 

"Did someone mention food?" Fatty asked, salivating.

 

"It was Plug!" Dennis told them.

 

Plug's jaw dropped open in realisation. He turned tail and fled, Danny close behind, with the two Fatty's on their case.

 

Dennis couldn't seem to catch a break. Once the group left, a trumpet sounded, and Bertie Benkinsop coughed delicately. It was a bad omen if ever there was one; Dennis braced himself for the arrival of the ultimate sap.

 

"Make way for the Red King and Queen," Bertie sang. Two other softies - dressed curiously as the three and four of hearts - blew their trumpets melodically as Walter pranced in, dressed as the King of Hearts. What was most peculiar was the Queen, who was red and black stripped with the face of ginger-haired Minnie the Minx.

 

Dennis glanced between them, grinning. "Which one's which?" He asked innocently, putting his arms behind his back.

 

"Cheeky!" Walter pouted.

 

Unlike Walter, Minnie was no stranger to violence - something Dennis wished he had considered beforehand.

 

"I'm the Red Queen!" She stamped her foot and screamed: "Off with his head!"

 

Dennis snorted. Who would have the guts to try to behead him?

 

As it turned out, someone did. A black card with a dark hood approached, hefting a scythe in one hand. The blade glinted as it got closer.

 

Someone grabbed Dennis' arm and he startled. Jadis ignored his expression and tugged him away, talking fast. "Come on! You don't want to stick around when the Queen is in one of her moods - hey!"

 

Two of the cards had grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her away, while several more were closing in on him.

 

"Hey! Let her go!"

 

"Off with their heads!" Minnie ordered.

 

"I'm the menace around here, not some wannabe Queen, red and black striped playing card," Dennis growled, assessing the playing cards' threat. "And I reckon this is a bad deal for you!"

 

He grabbed the nearest card - the six of hearts - and folded him in half. The card shrieked and scuttled away on all fours. Dennis kicked the next in the middle, denting it, and punched the other two. They fell over, and, being flat, couldn't get up again.

 

"Now beat it, or I'll play snap with you!" He shouted. The remaining cards fled, including the King and Queen, and the cards holding Jadis let go and followed the others.

 

"You alright?" Dennis asked her.

 

"I think I have the right to punch you, in the mouth," she said.

 

Bemused, he made a face and threw his arms in the air. What was it with this girl? "I just saved you!"

 

"Yeah," she nodded, brushing herself down. "I'll punch you with my own mouth. Because I like you."

 

He couldn't help but bark out a surprised laugh. "Well, that's one way of putting it."

 

She smiled and looked him up and down in an exaggerated manner. "Hey, I just realized this, but you look a lot like my next boyfriend."

 

He raised an eyebrow. "Only just realised?"

 

She had the audacity to shrug. "I might've been sitting on it for a while," she admitted shamelessly. "I should get back to my tea."

 

Dennis couldn't help but acknowledge a tiny sinking feeling in his stomach.

 

"Do you have any raisins?" She asked abruptly.

 

"No..?" He replied, suspicious.

 

Her lips twitched. "What about a date? They're so good soaked in tea!"

 

And there was the pick-up line. "I don't have any fruit at all," he said.

 

Sighing, her shoulders slumped. "You're so jammy."

 

"Jammy? I said I haven't got any fruit."

 

"It means dense," she explained.

 

He shook his head and stuck his hands in his pockets; it was a stance that made him feel slightly more protected and less awkward. And God forbid he ever feel awkward. "No, I'm just choosing to ignore you."

 

She took a step forward. "What a shame..."

 

She kept walking until they were only a stride apart. Her eyes caught his and held them captive for a moment before she blinked. "Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes."

 

Dennis swallowed and took half a step back. "You're an odd one. You know that, right?"

 

Her smile lit up her eyes like a firework show. "Of course. It makes me much more of a muchier person."

 

He was pretty sure he'd heard that phrase before, but as soon as he opened his mouth to ask his feet were swept from underneath him.

 

"I'm late! I'm late!" Billy Whizz called, by way of apology.

 

"Pesky Whizz rabbit!" Dennis yelled back, waving his fist.

 

"Dennis!" Someone shouted. "Wake up!"

 

Dennis' eyelids unwillingly peeled apart and settled on the back of the student in front of him. He held back a few half-hearted expletives and raised his head sleepily, coming face-to-face with his teacher.

 

"If you'll insist on sleeping in my lessons," she said clippedly, "please do not distract the class by muttering about rodents!"

 

There was a smattering of laughter before the teacher glared at the offenders and they quietened down. She stalked to the front of the class and turned to face them.

 

"Now, to recap," she said, "Lewis Carroll was one of the most famous children's writers of all time. Author of Alice in Wonderland, he was also a poet - examples are in the back of the textbook."

 

Dennis' interest piqued. For the first time that week, he actually cracked the spine of the book he had been using as a pillow and skipped to the back. He had a look at the one that looked the oddest - it had an illustration next to it of a man and a walrus talking to some muscles on the beach. He skimmed a little of the poem:

 

"The time has come," the Walrus said,

"To talk of many things:

Of shoes, and ships, and sealing-wax,

Of cabbages, and kings."

 

Dennis frowned, remembering his dream.

 

The time has come, the Walltruss said,

To speak of many things.

Of stews and chips, appealing snacks

Of steak and onion rings

 

Dennis exhaled heavily and closed the book. He'd never hear the poem in his life, much less read it. How did Plug recite a version of it in his dream?

 

A paper ball hit the back of his head and he whipped around to find the perpetrator. Curly nodded down at the paper, and Dennis picked it up. It read: you alright?

 

Dennis nodded firmly and turned back to the book. It wouldn't hurt just to read a few lines, surely.

 

By the end of the lesson, Dennis hadn't paid any attention to what the teacher had said, but for once she actually didn't mind; she was astounded as she watched the boy read what must have been a few chapters of the book in front of him by the end of the lesson. His concentration befuddled her, but she didn't question it.

 

"You must've absorbed some of that crazy book while you slept on it, Den," Curly quipped once they were out in the corridor.

 

"Yeah, by that thing in biology - osmokiss?"

 

"Osmosis," Dennis corrected. He paused. "What d'you mean?"

 

"You were talking about all sorts of stuff while you were asleep," Curly informed, adjusting his rucksack and glancing askance at his friend. "Nuts and bolts, cakes, bricks, and curries, to name a few."

 

Dennis groaned, his stomach giving an unhappy curl at the thought. "Don't talk to me about curries - I've gone right off for at least-"

 

"Who's she?" Preface interrupted.

 

Curly craned his neck. "Who?"

 

Dennis didn't have to look. As soon as Pieface said it, he could see her. Her long black hair stood out from the crowd. He couldn't see her face - she was rooting through her locker.

 

"I haven't seen her before, Den!" Pieface said, peering over other peoples' heads to get a good look.

 

"You guys go ahead," Dennis said, stopping a few lockers down from her. "I'll catch you in the canteen."

 

Curly shot him a glance. "You sure?"

 

"Yeah, I just need a moment."

 

Curly's eyes cut to Jadis suspiciously, but he respected Dennis' privacy and towed Pieface down the corridor with him.

 

Dennis approached the girl slowly. "Jadis?" He cringed. His voice was higher than normal. Unsure. That, and the fact that he hadn't meant to say her name yet.

 

She turned at the name though, and raised an eyebrow. It was her alright, from her looks to her mannerisms it was like she'd been plucked from his dream and cast down to earth to slap him in the face (figuratively).

 

"Hi?" She said, giving him a once over. "Who are you?"

 

He hadn't expected her not to know. "Uh - I'm Dennis."

 

She stuck out her hand. "Jadis. But you already knew that."

 

He shook her hand, laughing internally at how much of an oddball she was. No one their age shook hands on meeting a new person, for God's sakes!

 

"News must travel fast in this school," she mused.

 

"I... I haven't seen you around before," he commented. Lame, he berated. I'm pretty sure that's a variant of a classic pick-up line.

 

She thankfully took no notice and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, I just transferred here."

 

"Right. Obviously." He struggled for something else to say, then blurted: "Um, do you want to- do you want to sit with us, at lunch?"

 

"Sure, if the rest of your 'us' won't mind," she said with a smile.

 

He ducked his head, feeling his neck heat up. "I'm sure my friends won't. Mind, I mean." A thought occurred to him. "Have you got money for food?"

 

She nodded. "Of course. I've heard they do a delicious pineapple upside down cake in the canteen, I didn't want to miss out!"

 

While his jaw practically fell open, she turned back to her locker. It was already a mess of textbooks, her coat and her stationery, and she simply couldn't find the book she wanted. She muttered a quiet word and the book snapped into her hand. Spells for the Modern Witch. With another word she disguised it as a geography textbook and slid it neatly into her bag before closing her locker and smiling innocently at Dennis, who was still looking at her like she was some meteorite that just smashed through his bedroom window.

 

Inwardly, she wondered how long it would take for the awe to wear off.


	5. Spotty x OC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Bash Street Space Cadets are asked to rescue a captured scientist from an alien planet, Marie is one of those to volunteer - which makes Spotty quite mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick one - Marie writes in her diary throughout this short, but I can’t get the HTML to work right. If it says Stardate, that signals the start of a diary entry. You should be able to work out where it ends from there, the entries a different style of writing to my usual.

Stardate: Monday 12th, 12:53PM

It's been exactly one week since I boarded the B.S.S. Bashstreet, and already I'm missing home. We're on our first training mission - and by 'we' I mean me and the class of 2B. Since Cuthbert Cringeworthy was too clever to become a cadet, they had to find someone to make their numbers up to ten. Unfortunately, that person was me. 

When I look out of my window all I see is stars. There are so many more gadgets now, and so many more problems for them to solve; so many things have changed since we left earth when I was nine. 

Well... Some things... The others are all writing lines - again. I've nothing else to do but write in this•diary. I'm•really . • . •  
* •. • •  
•. • •  
* •  
. •

Spotty just flicked ink at me! The nerve! It's not too bad, but his smugness ~\ / -: •

Oh, now I've made a mess of that line. I was watching him instead of paying attention to my writing. Damnation. 

Spotty has had it on for me ever since we started training. He hated the fact that I always got higher scores than him - never mind the fact that most other people did, too. Toots says it's his competitive nature, but I

"Alright class, you can go now," Teacher said, making me jump and snap my diary shut. 

"At last!" Spotty cried, running for the doors - which he slammed into, palms first. "Aren't the doors supposed to open before I run into them?" He grumbled. 

Danny raised an eyebrow as he walked past, and the doors opened with a neat swish. "Give them a chance, Spotty."

I filed out behind the rest, quietly tugging 'Erbert onto the right course before he walked into the wall. 

I hated the canteen. The computer that ran the food distribution was nicknamed O.L.I.V.E. after the famous Bash Street cook, and the meals it produced were just as bad, if not worse. 

Danny stepped up first. "I want bangers and mash with baked beans-"

Green goop splatted into the delivery zone. 

"-On a plate!"

One by one we got our food, and sat down at the large table. I sat next to Toots; as the only girls on board, we had become fast friends. 

"Sheesh! The food was so much better back at base," Sidney complained, sliding into the seat next to Toots.

She nodded and prodded the green slime disgustedly, making it wobble. "I know! I asked for pizza!" 

"It's not just the food that's boring," Spotty said. "Look at all this outer space! It just goes on and on and on... When is something interesting going to happen?"

I rolled my eyes and went back to my food. On second thoughts, looking at it wobble, I just had a sip of water. 

Suddenly there was a metallic 'klunk' and everyone startled. 

"What was that?" I asked no one in particular, craning my neck to look out of the window behind me. 

Toots got out of her seat to join Spotty at the window. "Dunno."

"Maybe we hit an asteroid," Wilfred suggested. 

After a few seconds, a few chunks of metal floated by. 

"Then again, maybe not."

"Probably just space junk," Plug dismissed. 

"Or a space dalek," Smiffy said. We were all so used to his daftness that no one reacted to his comment. 

The intercom buzzed, and Teachers voice said: "Marie, would you please come to the teaching room? Thank you."

"Ooh, someone's in trouble," Spotty sang. 

I pointed my spoon at him. "Will you stop that?"

"Stop what? I only said: someone's in trouble," he repeated, smirking. 

On impulse I scooped up a bit of green gloop and flicked it at him with my spoon. The result was a viscous green lump sliding down Spotty's forehead and landing wetly in his lap, met by raucous laughter from the others. Spotty glared at me and picked up his spoon; that was my que to skedaddle. 

"You wanted to see me, Teacher?" I said, stepping into the teaching room. 

"Yes, I'll be with you in a second- sorry, Head, what were you saying?"

I pursed my lips as Head's face filled up the screen. 

"I'll come straight to the point," Head said. "We have a dangerous problem... And we want your cadets to fix it!" He smiled as if it was a wonderful idea. 

Teacher nodded. "Okay... what is it?"

"A scientist has been kidnapped and taken to Rumpus 4. Your team is the closest to the planet, and we need a rapid response."

Teacher blanched. "But sir, they're only kids!"

"Oh, come on! They're teenagers now, Teacher. They must be able to do something!"

I stepped up to the screen, frowning. "With all due respect, Head, I really don't think-"

"Good! So you'll do it! Straight from a cadet's mouth."

"Sir, she never -" Teacher tried. 

"Bye!" Head said, interrupting Teacher loudly. "Ta ta for now! I'll send you the briefing!"

The chat session cut off abruptly as Head ended the call before we could protest further. 

My eyes were wide as I stared at the screen, which had reverted to what Teacher had been looking at before the call - a diagram of the ship. I ran curious eyes over it, noting a few rooms that I'd never known existed. 

Teacher massaged the bridge of his nose with two fingers. "Marie, go tell the others to go to the briefing room. We have a mission."

"Sir, do you think it's wise?" I asked. 

"No, but I think it's impossible to get out of. Please deliver my message."

I hurried out of the room and down the corridor, feeling slightly lighter on my feet than usual. 

If they've messed with the gravity again, the detentions will never end, I thought to myself. 

I arrived at the mess hall and the doors swished open. I was met with the sound of the most almighty burp I had ever heard. 

"Yes! Fatty wins!" Danny exclaimed. 

"Guys..." I said from the doorway. 

Spotty cut me off. "That must be the winner!" He said enthusiastically, clapping. 

I frowned. I tried again. "We have a mission-"

"-To outburp Fatty!" Spotty finished off for me. 

"Wait! I haven't done mine yet!" Toots cried. "Okay, lots of air..." she thumped her fist against her chest and let out a huge burp - but it was nothing compared to Fatty's earlier. 

"What's going on?" The intercom fizzled with Teacher's voice. 

Toots made eye contact with me, slightly panicked.

Alien languages, I mouthed. 

She nodded in understanding. "Just practicing my alien languages, sir!" She called up to the microphone. 

"Oh, very well. Now, has Marie spoken to you yet?"

"No, she's just standing there!" Spotty said impetuously. 

I scowled at him. "Hey! I tried! You interrupted me!"

He raised an eyebrow, looking down at me. "Oh, so it's my fault now..."

It was so annoying how tall he'd grown in the last couple of years. No longer did I tower over him - now he towered over me by a head, and he always made sure to use it to his full advantage. 

"Shut up, Spotty," I huffed. 

He smirked. "Make me."

Toots pulled me away from my face-off by asking me a question. "What does Teach want?"

"We have a mission. Debriefing in the briefing room."

Spotty snorted. "Where else would it be?"

Sidney shoulder-checked Spotty as he walked past. "Let's go." He got to the door, then paused, glancing back. "Wait... where is the briefing room?"

I bit my cheek to suppress a smile and pointed. "That way."

Spotty strode out in front. "Follow me!" He called, and promptly walked straight past the door that was clearly labelled: BRIEFING ROOM. 

"You've gone past it, dummy," Plug said, catching Spotty's collar. 

Spotty span around and scowled. "Who are you calling-"

Toots, who had the capacity to carry out what I could never do, pushed them both in their backs, causing them to stumble through the door. "Get in there, you blockheads!"

"Thanks, Toots," I said gratefully, sitting down beside her. It was a job to see where I was, the room was so dark. 

"Anytime."

"Now. Are we all ready?" Teacher asked from somewhere to my right. 

"Why is it so dark?" Fatty wondered aloud. 

"Computer! Activate hologram!"

At Teacher's command the table in front of us lit up, and the image of a hideous green monster hovered in the centre. It had short legs and long arms, and a thick, bog-green fur covered everything except the three eyes clustered in its forehead, its big red nose, and the sizeable ivory horn that curved out of its head like a rhinoceros. 

"Wow!"

"Cool!"

"What is that?" I asked. 

"An alien from the planet Rumpus 4," Teacher replied. 

"It looks liker Plug on a bad day!" Spotty quipped, snorting at his own joke. 

"Now these aliens have kidnapped one of our scientists," Teacher said, ignoring the yelp from Spotty as Plug punched him in the shoulder, hard enough to topple Spotty out of his chair. "Our mission is to recuse him!"

"Great," Danny said. "When do we start?"

 

Stardate: Tuesday 13th, 02:27PM

The starship has gone into warp speed, and we're heading for adventure!

"Yeah, right," a voice said over my shoulder, and I slammed my diary shut. 

"Mind your own business and get back to writing lines, will you?" I snapped at Spotty, who was leaning over my shoulder, looking interestedly at my diary. 

I turned my head to scold him further but immediately regretted it, as he still hadn't moved away as I thought he would. This put me mere inches away from his face. 

"Annoying you is much more interesting than writing lines," he drawled, amusement sparkling in his eyes. "What have you written about me in there?"

I scowled. "That you're an annoying git."

There was a snort of laughter from my right and I smirked as Spotty startled at the noise. He turned and gritted his teeth at Plug, who was snickering as he watched our interaction. 

"Stop laughing, Plug!" Spotty commanded irritably. "Go write your lines."

Teacher span in his swivel chair to face us. "That applies to you too, Spotty. Get on with it, and stop bothering Marie."

"Yeah, yeah." Spotty rolled his eyes and stepped up to the blackboard. 

"What was that, Spotty?" Teacher demanded. 

I glanced askance to make sure Teacher wasn't looking, then chucked an eraser at Spotty's leg to make him pay attention to what Teacher said. 

"Yes, sir," Spotty said quickly. 

The relative quiet that descended upon the room was broken by the fizz of the comms. 

"Teacher, we're coming up to Rumpus 4!" Wilfred reported. 

Teacher rubbed his hands together and got up. "Good! All hands to the bridge!" He held out a hand, giving Plug and Spotty stern looks. "Not you two... Not until you're finished." He noticed their defiant expressions and looked at me. "Marie, keep an eye on them, will you?"

My face fell as I watched him leave. "But..."

"Sorry Marie, you're on babysitting duty again," Plug said, sounding genuinely apologetic. 

Spotty started writing again, but somehow his tiny brain managed to work his motor mouth at the same time. "Yeah, and it's a right ugly baby-"

He had hardly said the last word when Plug slammed down his chalk. "Shut up! Come here you-"

I could see where this was going, and I didn't fancy overseeing another detention because they got into another fight. "Boys!" I shouted over their squabbling. "Stop it."

Plug's eyes widened pleadingly. "But he-"

"Is a big baby, yes," I interrupted. "So don't encourage him!"

Spotty glowered at me and pointed the chalk threateningly. "I am not a child!"

I sent him a withering look. "You sure behave like one. Finish your lines quickly so we can get back to the bridge, will you?"

"Bossy boots."

I sighed. "I have the intercom here," I reminded, waving the little box at Spotty. 

"Sorry... Bossy boots."

My chance to drop him in it was cut short, however, by a huge bang that echoed through the room. At the same time, the ship tilted on its axis, toppling both boys and leaving me braced against the table. After a few seconds the ship levelled itself again, and we were all left dazed and confused. 

Plug was the first to speak. "What was that?"

Spotty shook his head. "Either Fatty's fallen over again, or we're under attack. Let's go!"

He dived for the doors, but I got there first, putting an arm out to block him. 

"Hold on! not until you've finished your lines. I'll go check what's going on. I'm sure we just hit an asteroid or something."

"That's not fair!" Spotty harrumphed. 

"No, what's not fair is me having to babysit you when I haven't done anything wrong. Stay here."

It was so nice to be able to run the corridors with a legitimate excuse. I missed running - you don't get to do much of it when you're on a ship with teachers. 

The scene on the bridge wasn't the one I was expecting. First of all, Danny was sat in Teacher's chair, of whom there was no sign. Someone had put 'Erbert on navigation, which - since he could hardly navigate his way to bed, let alone through space - was frankly a bad idea. Thankfully, Sidney was at the controls of the weapons (if it were Spotty we'd have already blown up Rumpus 4, and probably ourselves to boot) and Toots was on the monitors, frantically scanning the reports on the ship's status. 

"We're hit on the left wing!" Toots reported, opening up an image of the ship. Part of the left side was coloured red. 

"What's going on?" I asked her, peering over her shoulder. 

"We don't know!" Danny said, slightly panicked since it had happened on his watch. 

"So, Danny... Is my chair nice and warm?" 

I turned to see Teacher walking into the bridge, approaching Danny, who was nodding sheepishly. 

"Yes, sir. Just taking control in absence of authority, sir."

Teacher eyed him speculatively as he vacated the seat. "Hmm. Well, what's going on?"

Toots span in her chair to face him. "We've been hit on the left wing, sir. Probably an asteroid."

He nodded thoughtfully. "'Erbert, take us into orbit around the planet, so we can assess damages."

'Erbert - bless his heart - looked around confusedly, completely missing the huge green planet that now took up most of the viewing window. "What planet?"

"Danny, take over from 'Erbert, quick!"

Danny snapped to attention and pulled 'Erbert from his seat. "You got it!" He flicked some switches and pulled back on the throttle a little, checking our trajectory with Toots before bringing the ship to a full stop. "We're in orbit, sir," he reported. 

"Great!"

"Sir," Toots said, slowly. "There's an incoming video message..."

She clicked a button and suddenly a hologram filled the viewing window, showing an exact replica of the hologram we had seen in the briefing room.

"This is zarg from Rumpus 4," the alien announced. "Go away, or we'll shoot!"

Sidney raised an eyebrow. "They don't mess about, do they?"

Teacher pressed a button on his chair. "This is teacher from the Bash Street... we bring greetings from earth. I understand your concern, Zarg, and I would like to reassure you that..."

"What is he doing?" Sidney asked, pulling a face. 

"Trying to bore zarg to death?" Danny suggested quietly. 

I stumbled sideways from my position next to Toots as a huge explosion rocked the ship. The red area on the left wing on the monitor increased in size. 

"Teach, we've been hit!" Toots cried. 

Teacher released his grip on his arm rests and rubbed his brow. "Thank you, Toots..."

Wilfred suddenly pointed, and when I followed his gaze my jaw dropped. "Sir, look!"

Teacher's eyes widened. "Oh dear... this is not good!"

In front of us loomed a huge flat ship. As we watched the wings bent downwards into a U shape, meaning both of the guns on the ends on each wing were pointed straight at us. 

The radio crackled to life, and Zarg's voice said: "We warned you, earthlings! Open fire!"

The ship started behaving like a huge rocking horse, sending us all off balance as we were shot at mercilessly. 

"Sir, we're being-" Toots started. 

"I know!" Teacher cried. "Danny, shoot back!"

Danny scrambled off of the floor and slid back into his chair. "Right! Firing the main... huh? Toots, why is the button not working?"

"The main laser has been disconnected..?"

Danny hit the button hard, but nothing happened. "Come on! Who would be stupid enough to...?"

My eyes travelled down to when Smiffy sat on the floor, looking confusedly at the ball of wires that had fallen out of the control panel. He was holding at least three disconnected wires in his hands. 

Sidney spotted him too. "Smiffy!"

The boy looked up. "Yes?"

"Sir, the ship can't take much more!" Toots reminded. 

Danny span in his chair. "Sir, the main laser is out." 

"Sir, can I go to the toilet?" Fatty asked. 

I made my way down to the main panels and scanned the buttons, levers and screens. 

"There must be another weapon here," I said, glancing at Danny. 

He shrugged helplessly. "I don't know, I haven't used any more than two in training. They're both out."

I bit my cheek and grabbed the back of his chair to stabilise myself as the floor see-sawed beneath me. "A normal ship has more than one laser!"

He laughed humourlessly and raised his eyebrows. "You really think they would give Bash Street a fully operational ship?"

The radio spat into life again. "Sir, Spotty here!"

Teacher brought him up on a hologram, showing the classroom. In the background, the blackboard was scarred with trailing white lines from the ends of half-finished words. 

"Could you keep the ship still for five seconds, at least?" Spotty asked. 

Idiot. We're in a life or death situation, and all he cares about is finishing his detention!

Teacher sighed and cut communication. "Sidney, prepare to fire torpedoes!"

Danny blinked. "I didn't know we had..."

"Torpedoes ready, sir!" Sidney announced. 

Teacher rubbed his hands together. "Lock onto target!"

"Torpedoes locked on target!" he said. 

"Fire!"

There was a click, and silence. Then, from the other room, the sound of a toilet flushing. 

"Hey! Who flushed the toilet?" Fatty shouted from inside. 

Toots brought up a sonar diagram. "Sir, the... er... torpedo is heading straight for zarg's ship!"

I looked up at her, bemused. "You mean the toilet flushes into space?"

"Yes!"

Zarg's voice suddenly boomed from the radio. "Argggghhh! Disgusting earthlings! I'm going to-"

I span on my heel. "Danny, get us out of here!"

Danny started the warp speed sequence. "On it! Oh, not again!"

"Danny, warp speed, now!" Teacher demanded. 

"The button's not working!"

I ran over. "Press all of them!"

"Okay!"

Pops and pings followed as we both pressed as many buttons as we could.

"Hey!" Fatty cried as the toilet flushed again. 

Then, finally, Danny pressed a button that shook the whole ship, and we all found something to hang on to as the stars started to streak past and we went into warp speed. 

 

Stardate: Wednesday 14th, 9:25:AM

We are hiding behind one of the moons of Rumpus 4 while the ship is being repaired. In the meantime, we are assembled in the briefing room and a rescue party is being chosen to beam down to the planet's surface. 

"Marie should come too."

I glance up from my diary at the sound of Danny saying my name. 

"What? No, it's much too dangerous," Spotty scoffed. 

I was about to open my mouth to tell him where he could stick his danger when Plug said slyly: "Hey, Spotty, about what I said earlier..."

"She's a girl!" Spotty stressed, looking around appealingly. "And it's dangerous!"

Toots scowled. "Hey!"

Seeing her brewing anger, I put my hand on her arm. "Toots, no."

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Teacher announced. 

Spotty gaped. "What?"

"She'll keep you lot in check," Teacher said, eyeing Spotty in particular. "Nothing like a feminine touch to a team..."

Spotty snorted. "Feminine?"

"Hey, Spotty," Plug interjected. "Don't you remember when we were in detention, and you-"

"Fine! She can come!" Spotty blurted, glaring daggers at a smug Plug. Was that a pink tinge to his cheeks?

I huffed and crossed my arms. "No one's even asked if I want to go yet."

"Well?" Spotty asked. "Do you?"

I noticed he didn't meet my eyes as he said this. I was pretty sure that was a little embarrassment showing on his cheekbones. Which got me thinking: what was Plug about to say?

Toots rolled her eyes. "It's the principle of it!"

I nodded, snapping from my thoughts. "Yes, I would like to go. I'm getting claustrophobic on this ship."

There was a murmuring of agreement from the table. It seemed I wasn't alone with my itchy feet. 

"Then it's settled," Teacher said firmly. "Danny, Plug, Spotty, Sidney and Marie will be our extraction team. I suggest you all go and rest - the ship should be fixed by tomorrow."

There was a rush for the exit - we don't get time off during the day often - but Toots and I hung back to avoid the throng. 

"I wonder what Plug was going to say," I mused, when everyone was gone. 

Toots shrugged nonchalantly, but her eyes glinted. "Sounded like blackmail to me. Something nasty, I imagine. Enough to make Spotty blush!" She laughed and bumped my shoulder as we walked out. "I never thought I'd see the day."

I nodded and smile. "Yeah, it was nice seeing him uncomfortable for a change."

"It's a rare sight."

As we walked I wondered what on earth I was going to do for the next eleven hours. "Hey, Toots, did you want to go watch a movie?" I asked hopefully. 

She made a face and shook her head sadly. "Ah, I can't. I'm on lookout on the bridge with Smiffy since we're not going tomorrow, and god knows he can't do anything on his own to save his life. Another time?"

I tried not to let my disappointment show and stopped at the corridor where we would split. "Yeah, sure. Have fun!" I winked playfully. 

She pursed her lips. "I really won't, but thanks anyway." She turned to leave but paused and looked back. "Hey, where can you watch movies, anyway? There's no TV."

I smiled slyly. "Well..."

The lights flickered, and we both looked up and cringed. 

"Oh god," Toots muttered. "Gotta dash, Smiffy's probably messing with the wiring again!"

"See you later!" I called after her retreating figure. 

There was really nothing else to do but go to my room. The corridors were empty as I walked - unfortunately the no running rule was only void in an emergency - and I was left to think about tomorrow. 

"You know," someone said, "your shirt looks awfully tight, and since you're so claustrophobic, why don't you take it off?"

I stopped in my tracks and closed my eyes, gritting my teeth. 

"Wow." I turned around to face Spotty. "Are you okay? Are you sick? Or are you just trying to annoy me so much that I quit the team?"

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and shrugged, a cheeky grin playing in his lips. "Guilty."

Putting one hand on my hip, I frowned. "What's the matter with me going, anyway?"

His reply was instantaneous. "It's dangerous."

"Oh come on, you've got to have a better excuse than that," I complained. "My marksmanship with a laser gun was twice as accurate as yours."

He smiled wilily. "I think you've got that the wrong way around, sweets."

I shook my head. "No, I don't- wait." I narrowed my eyes. "What did you just call me?"

"Sweets." That smile again. Damnit. 

Turning away, I sighed, "Please don't," and began to walk. 

He hurried to keep up with me, gesturing conversationally as he spoke. "Why not, sweets? It completely contradicts your personality."

"Just go away."

"Not until you quit the team."

"Why don't you?" I countered. 

"I won't go if you don't," he proposed. 

Now that surprised me. Why would he give up his spot just to keep me off it? "I'm stuck with you either way, so it might as well be on an alien planet," I replied witheringly. 

He frowned and scuffed the soles of his shoes as he walked. "It's not going to be an adventure, if that's what you're looking for."

I made a noise of disbelief. "How is that supposed to change my mind?"

"Why are you so stubborn?" He stopped walking, forcing me to stop and turn to face him. 

"Why are you so annoying?" I retaliated. "Please just go and annoy someone else."

I saw his jaw clench and his spine straighten. "Fine. Get captured, for all I care. Don't say I didn't warn you," he said ominously, glowering. 

"Great. Now get lost!"

When I got back to my room I collapsed on my bed. 

Spotty was just doing anything he could to get me off the team. That last bit there was reverse phycology, the oldest trick in the book - it definitely wasn't anything... Else. 

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. It was going to be a long day. 

 

Stardate: Thursday 15th, 7:17AM

Today's the day!

 

Teacher directed us to stand on five little circular platforms in a glass cylinder. "He cleared his throat. "Are you ready for your first mission? 'To boldly go where...'"

"Baldly go? You should be on this mission, Teach!"

I turned around to glare at Spotty. "Shut up," I growled, fingering my laser gun. 

He glanced down at my gun and then raised his eyes to meet mine, daringly. "Make me."

While I was seriously contemplating dismembering Spotty, Sidney was patting himself down. "Hey! I haven't got one of those gun thingies!"

Witheringly, Teacher sighed. "Well, hurry up and get one."

In less than two minutes Sid was back, gun in his holster, and stepped onto his circle. 

"Alright, are we ready now?" Teacher asked. "Does everyone have their comms on?

We all checked out earpieces and nodded.

"So..." Spotty said, slowly. "What were you saying about going bald, Teach?"

Teacher pressed the big red button on the control panel. "Forget it."

The weirdest sensation ran through me. I felt like I was going to be sick, my head felt like it would implode, and my chest was fit to burst, all at once; my vision blacked out, and I lost all feeling in my body, as if I were dead. 

Then, in a blink, we appeared on the surface of Rumpus 4. A green moon hid half-behind the horizon, amongst clouds that were ombréd due to the setting sun. Standing rock formations clustered in different areas, some being two or three stories tall. A small, cute alien was prancing around. It was green and had a trumpet-shaped nose, with small limbs and a chubby body - from my reading on Rumpus 4, I knew that this native species was totally benign. 

"Wow!" Plug exclaimed, looking around. 

"Cool," Sid agreed. 

Spotty touched his comms to activate it. "Hey, Teach, can we do that again?"

I rolled my eyes and turned to Danny, who was also looking around; he seemed unruffled, however, by the fact we were on an alien planet. He looked at me, then pointedly down at the locator on the strap around my neck. "Where's the captured scientist?"

Punching in the right code, I held the locator up. "Scanning for human life signs... Aha! It's that way."

There was a zap from behind me and I span on my heel, my hand going to my gun. 

Sid and Plug were standing, their mouths agape, staring at Spotty, who was reholstering his gun. 

"Okay, lets go," Danny said, starting off in the direction I had indicated. 

"Spotty, why did you shoot that poor alien?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice level. 

"To try out my laser!" The corner of his mouth twitched as he glanced back at the unmoving body. "Besides, I only stunned it."

Sidney huffed. "Well, how would you like it if I stunned you?" He challenged.

But Spotty just laughed and walked past him, after Danny's retreating figure. "You can't stun me with a water pistol!" He called back, cackling.

My eyes widened as I watched Sid take out his pistol and study it, his expression quickly turning to disgust. 

"Why didn't you tell me before we beamed down?" He hollered, beginning to run after Spotty. 

"It wouldn't be as funny!"

I shared a glance with Plug and we raced after them. He had longer legs, but I had more stamina, so we caught up with the three of them at the foot of a steep rock climb. 

With my hands on my knees I caught my breath, before I stood up straight and jabbed a finger at Spotty's chest. "You idiot! Now he's defenceless on a hostile alien planet!"

Spotty was unaffected by this, and stood up straight so he could tower over me... Again. "Awh, is Marie worried about itty bitty Sidney?"

"Worried about your sanity, more like," I shot at him. I turned to Sidney, who in truth looked a little nervous now that he was unarmed. "Stay in the middle of the group. Try not to get separated. And Spotty?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "You are a-"

"Quiet," Danny hushed us. He beckoned us up the slope, and one by one we scrambled up to join him. 

Ahead of us sprawled a huge sea of houses, each seeming to be carved from one of the rock formations we saw earlier - they were all different shapes and sizes, stretching out into the distance. 

"Wow," Plug uttered, looking around in awe. 

I glanced down at my locator, and a blip showed up on the screen. "The scientist is being held in the building with the flag," I said. It was one of the closest one to us. 

"Nice of them to mark it for us," Spotty pointed out, taking the opportunity to sit down. 

Danny gestured for us to continue. "Come on."

As we snuck down towards the buildings, Sidney slowed down to walk beside me. "Say, Marie, how do we recognise this scientist?"

I smiled and patted his shoulder. "He won't have three eyes and a horn in his forehead," I replied. 

Sidney's eyes widened. "Oh yeah..."

"Duh!" Spotty mocked. 

I refrained from turning around and screaming at him, opting instead to look at my locator. 

"The scientist is the other side of this wall," I said abruptly, stopping by one of the buildings. There were no doors on our side, and the arched windows were too high to climb to. 

"We'll have to sneak in," Danny concluded. "Who-"

Spotty stepped forwards, hand on his gun. "Let me handle this!"

Before any of us could stop him he had aimed his laser gun at the wall and blasted a hole in it. There was a loud rumbling, and then the destabilised building came crashing down in front of us. I shielded my head and eyes as rocks fell and dust filled the air, which hung in clouds over the rubble. 

"Well..." Spotty rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and shrugged. "There's a hole..!"

"What happened to sneaking in?" Danny demanded, seething. 

Plug looked around anxiously. "I bet the whole planet heard that!"

Prompted by this, I did a quick check of our surroundings, and saw something moving over the remains of the collapsed building. The dust clouds obscured its shape, but it was heading straight for us. 

I saw that Spotty was the closest and shouted at him, "Spotty, look out!"

He saw what I meant immediately and raised his gun. "Hands up, alien!"

Then, coughing and spluttering, a human emerged from the dust, his hands high in the air. 

"Cuthbert?"

"Er..." Cuthbert glanced down at the gun. "Nice to see you too!"

Spotty lowered his gun and gave Cuthbert a disbelieving once-over. "Since when are you a scientist?"

I rolled my eyes. "Compared to you, he's a genius," I muttered. 

"Er... Guys..." Plug said haltingly. 

Glancing down at my locator, I assessed our best escape routes. "We need to get out of here," I said, "before-"

"Guys!" Plug interrupted me, urgently. 

"Yes?" Danny turned around and his eyes went big, prompting me to look too; four aliens were caging us in against the ruins, and these weren't the small, cute kind. 

"So, earthlings," one said. (I recognised him vaguely, and concluded he must be Zarg.) "We meet again!"

Plug smiled awkwardly. "Er... Hi, Zarg!"

"Sid, get into the middle," I advised without looking behind me. 

Whispering quietly, Danny unholstered his gun. "Lasers on stun, everyone," he hissed. 

"Or, in your case," Spotty said to Sidney, "pistol on 'squirt'!"

Sidney curled his lip. "Shut up!"

I looked up to tell Spotty to focus, but then noticed that he had quickly decreased the distance between us, so we were only a metre apart, and I figured he was probably just putting on a little bravado and I ignored him. 

Zarg leaned forwards, leering at us. "Do you have any last words?"

Danny grinned right back at him. "Yes, actually... Open fire!"

As one we raised our guns and sent bolts of coloured light at the aliens, until we were almost blinded by the lasers. When we stopped, however, we were horrified to find that the aliens were still standing tall, and laughing raucously. 

"Ooh! That tickled!" One giggled. 

"Do it again!" Another asked, rubbing its belly. 

Plug turned to Danny. "Do you have any other last words?"

"Yes. Run!"

We dodged under the arms of the aliens and sprinted down one of the streets. I was in the front but I slowed a little to look back, seeing aliens pursuing us. 

Danny yelled, "Let's split up!" And veered right, down an empty street.

"Okay, we'll go this way!" Spotty grabbed my hand and tugged me down another street, taking me off guard and almost pulling me off my feet. 

"Let go of my hand!" I ordered, trying to pull away while still running. 

"No! I'm making sure you don't trip!"

"What?" I said breathlessly. "More like making sure you don't!"

He didn't verbally acknowledge me but he did let go of my hand, allowing me to turn my head and meet the eyes of Plug and Sid, who had followed us down. Plug winked and I huffed, concentrating only on running. 

We swerved around a corner and only noticed we'd made a mistake by the time we'd run halfway down the street. 

Widening my eyes, I started to slow. "It's a dead end!"

Spotty, however, grabbed my wrist and pulled me along. "Keep going! Trust me!" 

There wasn't much else to do but trust him, so we kept running. He let go of my wrist to draw his gun, and my steps faltered as he fired it at the building that blocked our path. The laser punched a hole through the wall, and we continued running. 

"The laser still works on buildings," Spotty panted, albeit smugly. 

Plug overtook me with his longer legs and I slowed a little to make sure Sid was still with us. 

"Yeah, you're not as stupid as you look!" Plug said as he ran through the hole after Spotty. 

"What's that supposed to mean, Plugsley?"

Something hit my shoulder, hard, as I tried to go through the hole. Hands wrapped around my arm and wrenched me backwards. I staggered back into Sid, and we both fell back onto the ground as a deafening crash rang in my ears, and dust plumed around us. 

Dazedly I covered my mouth and nose with my arm. 

"He really is as stupid as he looks," Sid complained, his voice muffled by his sleeve. "This is just how the last one went."

I was about to agree when Spotty's voice cut through my ears, loudly. It took me a moment to realise it was on my comms. 

"Marie? Marie, are you there? Marie, answer me!"

I touched my ear. "I'm here, we got caught in the collapse that you caused, you trigger-happy idiot," I grumbled. "We'll circle round and meet you on the other side."

"Roger that. Be careful," he said, and I cut the connection. Almost immediately after that my comms buzzed again. 

"Hello? Hello?"

I sighed. "I copy you, Danny."

Sid squinted at me and I shrugged and pursed my lips. He rolled his eyes and beckoned to me to hide behind a large piece of stone, which I did. 

"We're stuck on top of a building, with no escape," Danny explained urgently. "Requesting backup!"

"Um... Couldn't you just beam up to the ship?"

There was a moment of silence in which I imagine him slapping himself in the face. "Uh... Yeah. Thanks, Marie."

I binned my head, and then realised he couldn't see me. "You're welcome. Over and out."

"We need to beam up too," Sidney said. He nodded toward the rubble. "Let's tell those idiots to as well."

"Got it." I turned on my comms again. "Hey, Spotty?"

"Bit of a tight spot, Marie! My laser's run out, and - Plug, give me yours! I need to blast a hole in this wall-" There was a moment, then an indignant, "what do you mean, no?"

Faintly, I heard Zarg speaking, presumably near Spotty. "Resistance is useless, no one can escape from-"

"Give it!" Spotty yelled. I think I heard an echo, since I heard it for real as well as in the earpiece. 

Sid turned around from where he'd been peering over the top of the rock. "Oh god, are they fighting again?"

I pressed my lips together and nodded. "Yep. Boys, stop it!" Both of them paused. "Listen. Beam up to the ship as soon as possible. We'll meet you there."

"Hey, that's a good idea!" I could almost hear the grin in Spotty's voice. 

"Beam me up, Spotty!" Plug jeered. 

I held back a snort, instead smiling widely. 

"You are pushing your luck-"

Spotty's voice cut out as they were beamed up. 

I looked at Sidney, who was striking two rocks together to try to make one sharp. "Come on, we need to get outside for it to work."

Looking up, his gaze stayed on my shoulder. "Woah, Marie, you're bleeding," he pointed out. 

I glanced down to see blood colouring a patch on the shoulder of my blue Space uniform black. At that moment I couldn't feel it, so I figured it was okay. 

"I'm fine. Let's go-"

"You're not going anywhere."

I twirled around and shot blindly, only to be met by laughter. Zarg smacked my laser gun out of my hand and it skittered away. 

"Hey!" 

I kicked and struggled as two aliens grabbed my arms, restraining me. 

My comms crackled. "Marie," Spotty said, "Why haven't you beamed up yet?"

"Spotty!" I gasped. "We're-"

Fur tickled my ear as an alien pried my earpiece away from me, dropping it on the ground. Desperately, I looked over to Sidney, but the same thing had happened to him. 

I stopped moving and watched Zarg intently as he fiddled with buttons on a remote. Then, after a minute, he placed it on the ground and a hologram showed above it, showing the bridge of the S.S. Bash Street. Teacher and the others were clustered around the controls. 

"We're beaming you up now," Teacher was repeating, pressing a sequence of buttons. 

"That won't be possible, I'm afraid," Zarg said satisfiedly. They turned, shocked to see the hologram; I assumed the aliens had hacked the program. "We have blocked your beaming signal. Your friends are staying right here."

'Erbert was the first to speak. "You fiend!" He cried. "Have you no honour?" It would've been more effective had he not been facing completely the wrong direction when he said it. 

Spotty anchored his fists on the edge of the control panel, leaning in threateningly. "You let Marie go," he ordered, growling, "you-"

Sidney scowled. "Hey! What about me?" He demanded, wrenching one arm away from the alien's grip to wave his gun at the hologram, to draw attention to himself. 

"Oh look, he's still got his little gun," Zarg cooed, leering at Sid. "Why don't you shoot me, hmm?"

Sidney sighed and raised his gun. "Alright, then."

As if in slow motion, I saw his finger squeeze the trigger and a jet of water hit Zarg in the chest, and Zarg reeled away as if he was burnt. Slowly at first, but gaining speed, his fur started to melt and bubble and he screamed an unholy scream. 

"Argh! I'm melting! Melting!" He squealed, looking down at himself in horror. It was all I could do but watch as Zarg melted into a puddle of mucous yellow liquid. I could hear the crew of the Bash Street yelling through the hologram at us and the aliens, but the fizzing almost drowned them out. 

I blinked. "What did you do, put acid in your pistol?" I asked in disbelief, turning to Sidney. 

His attention, however, was elsewhere, and he grinned evilly at the remaining aliens. The ones holding him quickly backed away, and the ones holding me followed suit. 

"Get them, Sid!" Plug yelled. 

Sidney started squirting the aliens with water, and they started running and screaming. I watched him for a few moments and then scrambled for my gun, feeling slightly safer with it, even if it didn't hurt them. While I was there I collected both communication earpieces, putting mine in and pocketing Sidney's. 

Immediately, Spotty's voice came through. "Marie, are you okay? We were talking to you on the holo and you weren't answering!" 

A wave of dizziness suddenly swept over me, and I staggered over to a rock, sitting down heavily. 

"Marie? Are you still there?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled, bracing my head in my hands as I did so. 

"On the holo, it looked as if you were bleeding... Please tell me you're not."

I slowly traced my gaze to my shoulder, and it faintly began to throb. The dark patch was large now, and I could see a cut as long as my forefinger through the sliced material of my uniform. 

"Yeah, it's only small," I lied, peeling back the cloth to inspect it further. 

"Okay. You need to get that covered - what if melted alien infects it?"

I frowned. "For god's sakes Spotty, I'm fine," I snapped, squeezing my eyes shut. 

"You're bleeding! You're definitely not 'fine'-" he argued. 

I swallowed thickly against another wave of dizziness. "It's only a small cut."

"A small cut can still get infected. Where's Sid?"

I looked up and around, seeing no one. "I don't know."

"You're not with him?" He spluttered. 

"No. He must have chased after one of the guards."

Spotty was furious. "He's got the only weapon that works on them!Are you mad?" 

I rolled my eyes, which made me feel faint. "Everything's under control. I-" 

A green blur caught my eye and I slid down onto the floor. "I've got to stay quiet for a bit, hold on," I whispered. 

"Marie? Marie?"

"Shh, there's an alien right there," I hissed, inching back around the rock to hide myself better. "I'm hidden, but if he walks forwards I'm a goner."

"I told you!" Spotty said. "Can you see Sid?"

I risked a peek over the top. "No."

"Okay, sit tight. I've got an idea."

He cut off the connection, leaving me to try to stay my heavy breathing alone. As the minutes passed, I wished that he would come back online, if only to offer a little comfort. I could hear the alien shuffling around, obviously looking for something. A possession, perhaps, in the rubble. Or maybe looking for my gun, to shoot Sid. 

"Hold on," Spotty said. "We've got a plan. We're flushing all of the toilets now."

I covered my mouth to muffle my words. "Uhmm... Why?"

"Uhh..." there was a moment of silence, then: "Cuthbert says the water will form clouds in the planet's atmosphere, and create-"

A drop of cold liquid landed on the side of my nose, followed by another on the back of my neck. 

"Rain," I finished for him. "That's genius!" 

I risked a look over the edge of the rock. The alien, who had been dangerously close to my hiding spot, was running for cover and squealing. 

A new voice invaded my ears in the next few seconds; the aliens had hacked our communications, too. "Stop! Stop, mercy! We surrender!"

By the time Sidney skidded back into sight I was soaked through and shivering, but I ran out to meet him all the same. "Well done!" I cheered, clapping him on the shoulder. "I can't believe it!"

Sidney shook water out of his hair and grinned right back at me. "All because Spotty played a stupid trick on me," he mused. 

"Idiot. 

"I agree." He flicked sodden hair out of his eyes again and frowned. "We're getting soaked. When's Teacher going to beam us up?"

"I'll check- oh." My comms buzzed in my ear threateningly. "It won't work, it's wet." I dug into my pocket and drew out his. "Here, you do it."

Sid took it and positioned it back in his ear, pressing the button to open up the comms. "Sir, Sidney here," he said. "Any chance of an umbrella?"

There were a few seconds in which I assume Teacher was talking, and then my vision started to go blurry as we were beamed up to the ship. 

As soon as I felt my feet on something hard again my ears were assaulted again by Spotty's voice. He was the only one in the room except from us. 

"Are you alright?" He asked. He raised his arm as if to touch my shoulder, but thought better of it and didn't. 

"Yeah I am," Sidney said drolly. "Thanks for asking."

I pursed my lips and nodded, suppressing a shiver. "I'm fine, thanks."

Teacher then bustled in, followed by the rest of the crew. "Well done, Sidney!" He cried in jubilance. "What quick thinking, such bravery-"

"Ease up Teach, you sound like a fangirl," Danny quipped, eliciting laughter from everyone. 

Teacher's high spirits dropped at being laughed at, and he turned his full attention to us - we were dripping all over the floor. "Get dried off, you two. And Marie? Make sure you disinfect that cut, please. I don't want it to get infected."

"I will," I complied. 

Spotty screwed up his nose. "Hey! how come when I said that-"

Teacher waved his hand as he turned to leave. "Time off for the rest of the day, team," he said. This was met with a cheer and chatter. 

"Yeah, we did good," Plug said loudly, as they filed out of the room. 

I followed after, but peeled away from the pack to retreat to my own room to treat my cut, which was throbbing much more viciously now that the shock had worn off. I left a trail of water in my wake, getting thinner as I reached my door. 

I scanned my key and barged in, collapsing on my bed and revelling in the softness for a while before I sat up, reaching for the hem of my shirt-

"You know, you look good when you're wet, right?"

I rolled my eyes instinctively, looking up to see Spotty lounging against the doorframe. 

"Oh, shut up. I don't need more of your innuendos," I dismissed firmly. "Why are you in my room?"

He clutched a hand to his chest. "Ouch, that hurt. I'm just here to make sure you're not playing heroine. And by the way, you left your door open." He pushed off of the frame and approached me. "How's your shoulder?"

"It's..." I briefly contemplated lying, but then I felt a burning pain as I shifted slightly. "It's hurting."

"Want some help?"

I twisted my head to look at how bad it was, but found I could only see part of it - the other half sliced into my back, where I couldn't easily reach it. 

So, I relented. "Yeah... I guess," I sighed, defeated. "First aid kit is in the bathroom, under the sink."

"I know."

I looked at him sharply. "What?"

He paused on his way out and raised an eyebrow. "It's the same in all the bathrooms, sweets. Don't get your knickers in a twist."

I didn't know what to say, so I settled for an, "Oh."

When he emerged he was already unzipping the bag. He placed it on the bed beside me and leaned over my shoulder, peeling open a foil packet of antiseptic wipes. 

This is going to hurt a bit," he warned. "You want my other arm to hold on to?"

"No, I-" 

The alcohol touched my shoulder and I gasped, my hand shooting out to wrap around his wrist. He paused and gave me the I-told-you-so look while I gritted my teeth against the burn. 

"You have a really tight grip," he commented lightly, reminding me that I was currently cutting off the blood supply to his hand. 

I uncurled my hand sheepishly and wove my fingers together in my lap, focusing on keeping them there. "Sorry."

I winced when he went back to cleaning the cut, but at least it wasn't as extreme as my initial reaction. 

I watched his face as he worked; he pursed his lips and frowned as he inspected it. "I don't think it needs proper stitches. Maybe butterflies will do..."

I scrunched my nose. "Butterflies?"

Amused, he smiled. "Yeah. These." He picked out a roll of what looked like sticky tape, and pulled off a length, ripping it off. He pinched my skin together (eliciting a grimace from me) and stuck the tape over it, perpendicular to the wound. 

"How do you know so much about this?" I questioned him.

The corner of his mouth twisted upwards into a smirk, and his eyes darted to meet mine. "Have you seen how many times Plug has hit me over the past week?"

I smiled at the memory. It made sense. 

"And anyway," he continued, as he carefully applied another strip of tape, "medicine interests me."

"Oh, wow," I mocked, raising an eyebrow. "Something actually interests you?"

He gave a huff of indignation as he used the bloodied antiseptic wipe to sweep away a little seepage. "Lots of things interest me," he protested. 

My eyebrow lifted higher. "Like what?"

"You."

I startled, drawing my shoulder away from him, but he was unfazed. 

"You've interested me from the moment I met you, with your attitude and high grade class reports," he said, applying another butterfly stitch as if he wasn't rendering me speechless. "How could I not be interested in you? There. Done."

He turned to busy himself with putting away the first aid kit while I let that sink in.

"Spotty... thank you," I decided to say, finally, when he came back in. 

He shrugged, not looking me in the eye. "It wasn't too hard-"

I pushed off of the bed and smiled softly. 

"Thank you for telling Teacher to flush the toilets earlier," I elaborated. "It completely decimated them."

He gave me a wry grin. "Don't get you hopes up. Teacher has a load of aliens on the detention deck, writing lines."

"Really?"

"Mm." He shrugged. "Well, 'Erbert said so, so probably not."

"Oh don't be so mean!" I exclaimed, hiding a smile. 

"Excuse you! You're the one who's been calling me names since we met, sweets!"

I crossed my arms and faced him dead-on. "And you have a new obsession with calling me sweets," I accused. 

"Sorry."

"Sorry?"

"For calling you sweets," he said, lowering his head. 

"Uhhhh..." I was completely perplexed. Was that guilt I saw? "It's okay?"

"I really am sorry," he insisted, looking up at me. His eyes were wide, and wet. 

I frowned, taking a half-step back in confusion. The heavy feeling on my chest made me feel like it was my fault. And really, what was the matter with a silly pet name? "Uh, yeah. It's fine. I don't mind. I kind of liked it," I added, wanting to wipe that dejected look off of his face. 

Suddenly, he blinked, and went back to looking like normal - a triumphant grin spread across his face and he did a victory yell. "Ha! I knew I could get you to agree!" He cried gleefully, pointing at me and laughing. "The wide-eyes trick never goes wrong-"

I realised all too late that he had been forcing himself to almost cry, and I felt all the more stupid for it. 

"You ass!" Pretending to be furious, I pushed him in the chest, and he teetered backwards, caught himself, and then toppled forwards, straight into me. My knees hit the back of the bed and I fell back, Spotty's hands planting themselves either side of my head to catch himself, and we both stared at each other in silence for a moment before he broke out into a grin. 

"Well hello. Fancy meeting you here?" He said cheekily. 

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, funny that, you idiot-"

"Please don't insult me again," he said, frowning. 

Smiling wickedly, I reached up a hand to stoke his jaw in mock affection. "Awh, is your infwated ego scared of being cawled names?" I cooed, giggling. 

His Adam's Apple bobbed. "Only by the girl I like," he replied. 

My hand froze against his cheek. I swallowed thickly, staring up at him. "What?" I finally managed to say. 

He didn't reply, but leaned down, his gaze flickering to my lips then back up to my eyes. I stilled, my heart rate skyrocketing; I shouldn't have wanted it to happen as much as I did. He was an ass, an idiot, my idiot- 

I regained my voice only to say, "Spotty, wha-"

And then his eyes closed and his lips brushed against mine, soft and entirely opposite to his character, and I resisted for only a second before I closed my eyes and my hand moulded to the curve of his cheek and I leaned up to kiss him slightly harder. 

He pulled away a moment later, and I refrained from pouting. 

"See? That wasn't so bad," he said. 

His cheeks flushing, he pushed up off of the bed and grabbed the first aid bag, zipping it quickly and disappearing off to the bathroom to put it away. 

Groggily, I pushed myself up onto my elbows and tilted my head back, closing my eyes. "Oh god. I feel like I've woken up in a parallel universe," I muttered to myself. 

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

I startled and my eyes snapped open. "I'm not sure," I answered truthfully, eyeing him. 

"Let it be good, then." He held out his hand to help me up, and I took it. He but when I was on my feet he kept pulling, until my cheek was pressed against his chest. 

"You're so damn tall," I complained into his T shirt. 

I felt his chest resonate with his laughter. "And you're so small. But thats okay, it means I can do this." Spotty pressed his lips against the top of my head, making me feel smaller than ever. 

"Stop it you sop," I chastised, smacking his chest by my cheek. "I still hate you."

"Hate me?"

I nodded. "Loathe you. A little bit less than before, 'cause I didn't expect you could give nice hugs." My voice came out a little muffled, so I angled my face away to add: "You know, because you're usually lacking in things like empathy."

"Well, a little bit less is less than before is an improvement. And since you've soaked my jumper through, we should both take off our tops and cuddle some more," he said suggestively. "Work on that loathing together."

I pushed away from his chest, shaking my head violently. "Nope, nope. I was wrong. I still hate you. With a passion."

He raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "A burning passion?"

I scowled and grabbed his shoulders, rising up on tip-toe to press my lips against his, turning it quickly into a proper French kiss. 

"Shut up, you idiot," I panted, when I broke away. 

His satisfied smirk was infuriating. "Why don't you make me?"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this story, please leave kudos and comment!


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